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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not support DD with her choice of continuing her A-Level?

66 replies

AshleighLake · 19/08/2017 13:57

This might be a little long and confusing!

My daughter is 18. She was doing A-Levels with her Sixth Form (Maths, Psychology and PE (I think PE was called something else)). She failed the AS Maths, but because her teacher said that she was capable and DD really wanted to do it, she could resit the whole AS year, so go into year 12, instead of just resitting the Maths with the other subjects (only let you if you get a D). She recently injured herself really badly this year (think pins in leg and lots of physio) so she had to drop out of the PE (or whatever it was called) and as it was quite near the end of the year, they said she can sit the Maths AS exam, but she will have to leave after that as there isn't time to pick up something else in replace of the PE and the psychology is a 2 year long course so there wasn't any exams for that.

She got her results on Thursday and got an E for the Maths, she seems overjoyed Hmm I mean, I'm proud because she did really badly fail it last year and her teacher says based on the equivalent marks given, she was close to a D. Personally, I don't think that's great. I am happy about how much she has improved, but still not enough to think she should continue it.

I think she should do a level 3 extended diploma in something. DD looked into it and said none of the subjects are what she wants to do, so has looked into the access courses, she spoke to one of the colleges who offer a Psychology & Sociology access course and they said that she should apply for September "but will be fine to do it". She has to be 19 though, so it's for next year. So there is a year of nothing, I personally still think she is better to do the diploma but she says there isn't the subjects available (is that true?) and she would really like to continue the Maths... She does love and says she doesn't care if she gets an E overall, but would like to do it. Her grandmother (who does have a lot of money but we just don't get on) has offered to cover a tutor for the year... Confused she says she will retake the AS and do the A2 modules "as just a bit of fun". I'm really not keen at all.

She does work in a supermarket and volunteers as a buddy at the hospital, but I feel like she could do something a bit more worth while?

AIBU to think this? Please be honest.

OP posts:
Mrscropley · 19/08/2017 13:59

Honestly?
At 18 it's not your business. .

You can offer an opinion and that's all. .

MummyJess123 · 19/08/2017 14:02

I think you are being unreasonable. A psychology and sociology access course isn't a bad route to go down and more importantly it's what SHE wants to do, she's 18, let her live her own life and make her choices. Your job as a parent of a child of this age is to support her in what she wants (within reason) and encourage her to do the best she can do in what SHE chooses.
You should be grateful she wants to go back into education and didn't have the mindset of 'oh well, I've failed this I have no prospects'. She sounds great, she volunteers and works.

PurpleDaisies · 19/08/2017 14:04

She's effectively taking a gap year, working, volunteering and doing a bit of studying because it interests her. I think you're being quite harsh here.

Original poster
AshleighLake · 19/08/2017 14:11

I know that it's her choice and obviously I don't get to pick, but I just don't think it's a good idea. On her records it will show she has resat it a few times and if she comes out with an E overall, isn't that worse than not having it? Effectively, she'll have an A level in maths (an E grade) after 3 years of studying Sad I do think that's a bit sad, whereas the BTEC would make more sense.

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 19/08/2017 14:15

A level maths is so difficult if you aren't a gifted mathematician. Can't she opt for different subjects. Sociology / politics would go well with psychology.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 19/08/2017 14:15

On her records it will show she has resat it a few times and if she comes out with an E overall, isn't that worse than not having it?

I'm just curious, who do you think has access to this?

Sparkletastic · 19/08/2017 14:16

Is she considering nursing or healthcare as a career?

noblegiraffe · 19/08/2017 14:17

If she has an E in AS maths, then there's a very good chance that she would come out with a U at A-level, especially if she took 2 years to get the E. That's why schools often require a D to continue.

However, if she wants to do it as a bit of fun and there's nothing lost with her giving it a go (she has to wait a year anyway and has the grades for her chosen course), then why not?

WishfulThanking · 19/08/2017 14:19

I agree with you. I don't see the point in doing an A level and being glad to get an E. What will the E enable her to do? Seems like a real waste of time.

Original poster
AshleighLake · 19/08/2017 14:22

She has the grades for the access course. The A-Level wouldn't be for anything (even more pointless IMO). She can't continue at her sixth form anyway, due to the injury for PE and as it's her second year, she can't do other subjects. The psychology is 2 years, so no AS.

No, she doesn't want to go into healthcare.

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 19/08/2017 14:24

I think the best thing you could do is advise her to talk to people at college and get a range of opinions on what might be the best way forward. You have a different opinion to her but to be honest you really don't know any more than she does about what would really be the most useful pathway by the sound of it - you just 'don't think it's a good idea' and 'she should do an extended diploma in something' - not exactly a barnstorming plan either to be honest. Unless she has a career idea to focus on and there is a really useful diploma available, then that might end up as just another time-filler, and to be honest she might be better off carrying on for the year doing something she professes to love, even if she's not the best at it!

But I do see your point about the maths. What strikes me is that it sounds like she doesn't know what she wants to do really. Which is fine, and I would say that for someone in that situation A-levels are likely to remain the most potentially useful set of qualifications. You can specialise later.

I'd definitely try and get some advice from her college.

SylviaPoe · 19/08/2017 14:25

She's half way through the psychology course.

Can't she do continue with her A level course in psychology and do 2 AS courses alongside it - say sociology and something else.

That would give her one a level and 3 as levels at the end of the year, which is enough to get into university.

Storminateapot · 19/08/2017 14:27

If she's half way through the psychology A level why can't she focus on that this year & come out with a great grade in that as well as having another go at the maths?

Original poster
AshleighLake · 19/08/2017 14:28

Her sixth form won't allow her to do that as she would need to go back into year 12 for the ASes when she will be 19... They said it's just not possible. DD says getting a good grade in the access would be the best bet and give her a different environment Confused I don't know about all of that because I just don't know!

OP posts:
SylviaPoe · 19/08/2017 14:30

Is there another sixth form available?

bluebannana · 19/08/2017 14:31

Maths A level is really really hard, it interested me and I ended up with C and it was enough for me to get into uni. Looking back if I had my time again I wouldn't have done Maths. I don't think I've ever used what learned and it was so difficult. But I didn't feel this way at the time. An E in maths won't go against her, but is unlikely to count for her either, unless continuing it is enough to let her stay on to complete the psychology (we had to be doing at least 2 subjects to stay in my 6th form)

StaplesCorner · 19/08/2017 14:35

She sounds lovely, I don't understand your problem, sorry YABU.

happypoobum · 19/08/2017 14:40

YABU as it isn't really your business.

Has she investigated the options at local FE colleges who might be more flexible with regards to her continuing the A level programme at 19?

I think you need to take a step back.

theredjellybean · 19/08/2017 14:50

i can understand OP...i think if it has taken her 2 yrs to get an E at AS then maybe she needs to realise that loving a subject is not enough, you do need the intellectual capability too.
I am sure she is lovely, but by encouraging her to carry on with maths her grandmother is effectively doing her a disservice...by allowing her to think she is capable of something that maybe she isnt.
And long term, unless your daughter has a massive trust fund she needs to think about spending her time studying not just subjects she likes but ones that will ultimately give her some kind of career path.
I know loads of people will probably come on here now saying its not a bad thing, leave her alone, let her study things she loves etc....
but actually at 18 she is old enough to know life is not just a lovely long series of courses one thinks one might be good at or enjoy all funded by someone else....she needs to start making adult decisions based on good use of time/resources and her own abilities

TurquoiseOwl98 · 19/08/2017 14:53

@theredjellybean - the girl is going to be doing an Access Course? She can't start it for a year though.

I'm so glad I have the mum I have... Reading all these threads is just sad.

ILoveMillhousesDad · 19/08/2017 14:54

On her records it will show she has resat it a few times

Confused it's not like a criminal record that future employers will see on her CV.

ILoveMillhousesDad · 19/08/2017 14:54

I also think it's pretty bad that you don't know the name of the PE qualification she was doing. You sound very dismissive of her.

noblegiraffe · 19/08/2017 14:56

If she sits A-level and cashes in her AS, then the AS will totally disappear from her CV - it's not a separate qualification.

BeepBeepMOVE · 19/08/2017 14:57

She won't have an A level, she will have an AS level grade E and probably fail the A level. It sounds like a complete waste of time and as much as she enjoys maths she obviously doesn't have the skills to pass the exam.

Does she want to go to uni after the access course?

EmeraldIsle100 · 19/08/2017 14:59

Working in a supermarking and volunteering as a buddy in a hospital is extremely worthwhile! You seem to be focussing on how things look to others rather than recognising the good things your DD is doing.

You can't re live your own life through your daughter's. She sounds more than capable of making her own decisions.

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