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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I use a food bank in my situation?

519 replies

Lionking1981 · 19/08/2017 01:38

I am 200 pounds down on my normal wages this month due to taking unpaid parental leave when my Dd was ill. Overspent the first week of the month trying to occupy the kids. Then my oven broke and had to replace it. Been living out the freezer and store cupboard since. To cut the story short, I now have 30 pounds to survive 10 days til payday. I have 3 small joints of lamb in the freezer, a box
of waffles and some fish fingers. A few tins of baked beans, tomatoes and soup in cupboard.

My friend says to go to the foodbank but I am super uncomfortable about it. We earn over 40k between us and i don't think food banks are there for people like us but it is going to be really hard to feed a family of 4 on this. However, we will be fine next month. Would you just make do for the 10 days?

OP posts:

Areyoureallykidding · 19/08/2017 14:51

The OP is just baying for attention. She is not hard up at all. Use your new cooker (oh and the internet) to find cheap meal varieties with all that lamb. God this thread is stupid.

gardenmintflower · 19/08/2017 14:52

That's why they have the least money Riding

4691IrradiatedHaggis · 19/08/2017 14:53

Lone, you sound lovely but please remember that on here we're all just randomers. I'm like you and like to see the best in people, but the truth is we don't know who anyone is on here and for all we know could be a scam.
(Not saying it is, but you can't be too careful.)
As for the OP - entertaining the kids costs tons? Yes, it can, but why have you made yourself skint doing so? There's lots of free activities to do out there (have two kids to entertain myself and eternally skint too so know what it's like!)
As for £30 for 10 days - is that solely for food? That's easily doable if so! You won't get luxuries but you certainly won't starve and be in need of a foodbank!

Dina1234 · 19/08/2017 14:56

Don't you have savings?

4691IrradiatedHaggis · 19/08/2017 14:58

Every single day for the last mnoth I have gathered blackberries to eat

Ahhh, 'let them eat blackberries' on a foodbank thread. That takes me back

Why be a twat and mock if someone's giving some ideas out to help the money stretch? Nothing wrong with blackberry picking, they didn't say they were saying live off the things forever, so why read it like that?

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 19/08/2017 14:58

It's unfair to have a pop at the OP in particular. A friend suggested the idea, she posted to ask if it was unreasonable. She has said more than once that she isn't going to do it. So this should be more of a general discussion than directed personally at the OP.

I'm sure there are people who abuse food banks. Who could budget better, who could control their cash flow better, who just want to get something for free.

But it's like the benefit fraud threads. Yes there are some people on benefits who have 60" plasma TVs, designer handbags and several foreign holidays a year. Yes they are fiddling the system. Yes we all know about them because they appear in the Mail or on Benefits Street. But it's a very small percentage. The vast majority of people on benefits couldn't survive without them. They work but they're on low incomes, or they are disabled and can't work, or whatever. It doesn't mean we should abandon the welfare system or food banks just because a tiny percentage of people abuse them.

I'm off to get some extra stuff for our local food bank. I buy every week and I'm not going to stop.

4691IrradiatedHaggis · 19/08/2017 14:59

Don't you have savings?

Not everybody does.

quercuscircus · 19/08/2017 15:07

But TheDevilMadeMeDoIt the OP had to ask though didn't she.

She didn't just say to her friend "What the fuck are you on about? Foodbanks are for people in real hardship, not people who are occasionally a bit short of money in one month but otherwise fine. Please don't mention it again DFriend or I won't invite you over for roast lamb dinner."

LoyaltyAndLobster · 19/08/2017 15:09

Hey OP I haven't read the whole thread, if you haven't got any help yet, please PM I will be happy to transfer you some money.

NellieBuff · 19/08/2017 15:10

gardenmintflower no need to be nasty to someone offering to do a kind deed. Although in this case the OP does not actually need our kindness as she has enough to feed her children and not go hungry.

Although I am now comfortable I haven't always been but I do know what it is like to be cold, hungry and unloved.

RidingWindhorses · 19/08/2017 15:11

That's why they have the least money Riding

I see. The reason posters here are on low incomes is because they are sympathetic and non-judgemental? Really?

Not, as in my case, because they are ill. (I can't speak for Lone, I don't know her circumstances).

Violetcharlotte · 19/08/2017 15:15

I don't think you should go to the first of bank to be honest. I'm sorry you're struggling, but food banks are really for people who have no other option (because of benefit sanctions or whatever). Obviously not your fault your pay was less because of unpaid leave, but you should really have made sure you didn't overspend on the kids. And I wouldn't have bought a new oven if I knew it would leave me short- you could have managed for a few weeks with a microwave/ hob/ slow cooked, etc

gardenmintflower · 19/08/2017 15:15

There is no nastiness motivating me nelly but real concern. Praising an action that could have left that poster and her children without is unwise, partly for the sake of that poster and partly for others.

In other words, threads like this - where someone may or may not be in need - attract vulnerable posters who offer money and when they are praised for doing so, even if advised not to, they keep doing it.

I stand by my comment. Foolish, not kind.

4691IrradiatedHaggis · 19/08/2017 15:15

Hey OP I haven't read the whole thread, if you haven't got any help yet, please PM I will be happy to transfer you some money.

No no, please read the MN post upthread.
Stay smart, people even though it's nice to hear of lovely helping posts.

Violetcharlotte · 19/08/2017 15:15

Food bank not first off bank!

gardenmintflower · 19/08/2017 15:17

No riding that is NOT what I said

However you may be interested to know that 'chuggers' thrive in deprived areas.

It is often about wanting to feel good, useful and kind as much as anything else. But feeling kind and being kind are not the same things.

NellieBuff · 19/08/2017 15:22

gardenmintflower you and I are going to have to disagree. Whilst I may agree with the sentiment to protect vulnerable posters your tone and use of language is nasty not supportive and not kind. You can advise in a positive way not a derogatory manner.

Slimthistime · 19/08/2017 15:25

When I say I'd reconsider food bank donations it just means I'd rather give to the local homeless centre instead.

The food bank I donate to does checks though, I've spent time packing parcels etc. I don't have a car so I've only really seen the one. I've lived in five London boroughs and it's only in this one that I've had a food bank but I've helped in many homeless shelters and I feel sure no one is abusing them?!

I have heard my mother tell a tabloid story of why she doesn't like food banks but I thought she was being dense. Now there are posters actually offering OP money after she's admitted it's not a real consideration for her, I'm baffled. OP herself has said no help is necessary.

user1487689176 · 19/08/2017 15:28

'mum, dad, what's for tea tonight?'

'well darlings, we are off to the neighbours garden to scavenge for blackberries off their abundant hedge.'

Delicious and nutritious! Who needs food banks when there's dusty scabby fruit on the roadside? Maybe if the water gets cut off the children could drink from a nice local stream too.

MissMoneyPlant · 19/08/2017 15:31

Lone you sound very kind. I wish the world was made up of people like you - it wold be so lovely if we all helped each other.

Unfortunately my experiences have taught me to take things with a pinch of salt and be less trusting, in order to protect myself as many people have taken advantage in large and small ways. People have such wildly different priorities and morals and ways of viewing things, that we can't assume they think like us or are in the same circumstances or reacting the same.

I suppose the MN advice of never giving more than you can spare is very apt. (Also possibly run it by the MN collective if anyone is wanting something from you and you're the tiniest bit unsure!)

melj1213 · 19/08/2017 15:33

All I can say is that if OP and people on similar salaries go to a Foodbank - then I am absolutely not handing in any more donations. I do not earn £40K per annum but I live within my means and take into account any possible changes.

I don't understand attitudes like this ... it is a sign of serious privilige. You can choose not to donate but 99% of the people who use food banks don't choose to use them but do so out of total and utter desperate necessity.

Would you really rather deprive the "truly deserving" (aka those who literally have nothing and have been referred to the food bank because they cannot afford to feed themselves or their children, especially at the time of year when many are in an even worse situation than usual while they don't have free school meals to keep the kids going) just in case someone abuses the system?!

How is that in any way logical thinking? Most food banks require someone to be referred to them by a third party who has assessed them as qualifying for the service, and if they qualify - regardless of their circumstances - then they should be provided for. Some food banks are willing to provide a food parcel without a formal referral but I'm sure they ask some questions before they hand stuff out to just anyone wandering in.

I am a single parent on NMW, I have never needed to use a food bank fortunately, but as I work in a supermarket with a food bank collection I make sure to regularly drop a few things in when I do my weekly shop and then the odd packet or two if I'm just doing a quick top up after work and I remember to pick something up.

I see customers coming in regularly, walking round the store and coppering up to be able to afford even the basics to feed themselves and are literally counting the days until they can be eligible for another parcel from the food bank.

There is no way on this earth that I would stop donating because for everyone on 40k who has just badly budgeted that is chancing their luck, there are people with barely a penny to their name who rely on that odd bag of rice or pasta I drop into the donation trolley to feed their family for a week.

Cagliostro · 19/08/2017 15:34

I've heard so many clients say "I've got £50 in the bank" when they mean "I'm £50 below my overdraft limit" that I automatically question which they mean now.

Absolutely. That is how DH and I referred to our money until my PIP came through. It's still bizarre to be looking at the bank balance now thinking yes that actually IS £X left, rather than £X available to borrow from the bank before they cut off our cards and charge extra fees.

PencilsInSpace · 19/08/2017 15:36

Because we once had a long and lovely thread all about the unreasonableness of people struggling to feed their families and using food banks when there was free food going to waste on the bushes all around us, and if only these people could be bothered to go out and pick blackberries ...

There's nothing wrong with blackberry picking for anybody that likes them, including the OP if she wants, but they're not that calorific or filling. They're not really a credible solution to food poverty.

Lurkedforever1 · 19/08/2017 15:39

vivienne thanks and please do consider it. If you have doubts about whether it might go to someone deserving aldi/cheap sanitary stuff is most likely to. People like op would likely have some in so ime it's only the genuine who need it donating. Even those with £1 to buy it can't always get to the cheaper shops.

RidingWindhorses · 19/08/2017 15:48

No riding that is NOT what I said

Clarify then.

I said: 'It's interesting that it's the posters with the least money who are the most sympathetic and least judgemental'.

You said: 'That's why they have the least money Riding'

What did you mean?

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