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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to wish he would drop dead?

5 replies

longingforalife · 18/08/2017 17:41

Background: 25 year marriage increasingly EA. DD14. Always planned to move to my home country. (Part of EA that it didn't happen? )
I am divorcing him after physical incident last August which was the final straw. Still in same house. Financial waiting on him to sign. Then absolute.
House on market for two months now. He found flat that he'd be happy with and getting antsy that the very few offers we've had are too low for him to afford flat.
His last suggestion was that I should make up the difference from my half of proceeds.
DD needs to get settled in new school in next five or six months as is start of her GCSE equivalent year.
He says he will pull out of flat once he can reach his agents today and then not bother looking again until after we have a buyer for the house. Doesn't want to be moving over Christmas so perhaps will wait til next year to look.
I wish to God that I had called police, got him out of the house and taken divorce to court who could have ordered sale etc. But no I went the 'reasonable' way about it by going through mediation. He never took legal advice. As I want a speedy end to it all he has a much better financial outcome than I am advised court would have imposed. He still feels I am taking advantage.
Right now his agents are trying to speak to him about becoming involved in our house sale and he appears to be blanking them having told me that he has left message for them to call him so he can cancel flat purchase.
I just want this to bloody end so me and my darling DD can start the rest of our lives. Have I ever been more stressed?

OP posts:
longingforalife · 18/08/2017 17:43

Sorry
missed out that DD and I will be moving to my home country once house sold
We can't wait

OP posts:
kittybiscuits · 18/08/2017 17:45

I hear you loud and clear. You just cannot play fair with an abuser like that. The more you try and be reasonable, the more the take the piss. Is there anything or anyone that can give you any leverage on the situation? It helps somehow if they are also invested in moving things on. Also, there are pins and wax dolls if not.

longingforalife · 18/08/2017 19:53

Thank you, kittybiscuits
Taking the piss is such an appropriate phrase. I can't even properly express my anger to him as this makes him dig in his heels further.
Regarding leverage I tried to appeal to his fatherly love to get him to sign financial paperwork by bringing DD into discussion. He has said precisely two things to her in the five weeks since. I have tried to see if his parents will talk to him but they just say that he says you'll have to ask her (meaning me) so they say there's not much point. The only leverage I thought I had was this perfect flat that he found but it seems he is trying to use it against me!

OP posts:
kittybiscuits · 18/08/2017 20:54

You really need your poker face for this process because bastards like this thrive on making you crazy. Don't waste your time appealing to his conscience...it's pointless. You need him to think it doesn't matter if he dicks around and for him to get frustrated with the stagnation. Reverse psychology all the way. In my case, I acquired some information which I threatened to tell everyone if he did not move out and get on with it. Does he agree to youand DD moving away? Have you got a good solicitor?

longingforalife · 18/08/2017 21:23

Kitty
A touch of blackmail, I am impressed. I shall have to have a think (nothing comes to mind that wouldn't backfire).
He has agreed to DD leaving the country with me.
The solicitor says to get financial paperwork signed then see if court accepts it as not completely fair to me. Then apply for absolute. Then get something sorted to take her abroad. I thought I could just draft a letter for him to sign but it may be more expensive than that.
I am trying to not react to his arseholery.

OP posts:
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