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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being overdramatic

21 replies

Mousedl1 · 18/08/2017 11:47

So current BF is lovely by him and his ex just seem to argue for anything which I choose to not get involved in so don't comment when he tells me as am fully aware there are 2 sides to a story.
Last night his exs best friend add me on social media (I don't know her) so I deleted the request as it's clearly to have a nose. He was here and I told him, he has gone to work and phoned his ex literally the second he left here to say he isn't happy about her friends getting involved etc etc- que. another argument!!
I am not happy that something I discused with him goes straight back to his ex and if he was going to brig it up with her he should of at least told me first and i now feel annoyed with him as maybe I can't trust him like I thought.

I am probably being dramatic as my ex has left me with trust issue but I feel he should of talked I me first before going straight to her!

OP posts:

Nomoreboomandbust · 18/08/2017 11:50

I read this yesterday on my mumsnet.

You can be invited to a drama party but you don't have to attend.

JemmyBloocher · 18/08/2017 11:51

That's not overdramatic! YANBU. It's fair to expect someone to not overshare with their exes, especially things concerning their current partner. Discuss and if he's not reasonable about it then sterner words need to be had.

PandorasXbox · 18/08/2017 11:51

He sounds very involved in his ex's life. Do they have children together?

MyheartbelongstoG · 18/08/2017 11:53

I wish I was 16 again.

troodiedoo · 18/08/2017 11:54

What did you expect him to do having told him? You could have just given it the attention it deserved ie: none.

You all sound a bit jeremy kyle. But I'm ill so extra cranky today.

Original poster

Mousedl1 · 18/08/2017 11:55

Yes they have children together and phone each other everyday near enough, things have been rubbish between them the last few weeks - he tried to limit contact from 50/50 as it didn't suit her timetable with new partner.
I have a habit of over reacting then being stubborn. Have told him I am annoyed about it and things should stay between us as I don't want my name involved in arguements and her friend is nosey so the ex might not even of know he did it

OP posts:

Original poster

Mousedl1 · 18/08/2017 11:56

She tried to limit contact not him

OP posts:

notevernotnevernotnohow · 18/08/2017 11:57

You're ALL overdramatic. Someone friend requested you, why not just decline without fuss? You went and told him, you knew he would argue with her because that is what they do.

You all sound like 12 year olds. Grow up.

PandorasXbox · 18/08/2017 11:57

How old are you all? Why are they phoning each other everyday?

C0untDucku1a · 18/08/2017 11:57

Do you have children?

SerfTerf · 18/08/2017 11:59

I feel exhausted just reading that.

schoolgaterebel · 18/08/2017 11:59

YANBU I'd be annoyed too.

He obviously was delighted to have some more ammunition against her, they both sound very dramatic and childish.

Read on MN yesterday: 'the opposite of love is not hate it is indifference'

If they so clearly hate each other and fight every day, they aren't over each other, I'd be worried if I were you.

mmmmnuts · 18/08/2017 12:14

I wish I was 16 again.

MrsOverTheRoad · 18/08/2017 12:24

How long have they been apart?

MrsOverTheRoad · 18/08/2017 12:33

If I remember correctly OP...didn't you have a DH quite recently?

If you've recently split up from your DH, I'd be very wary here. Sounds a bit dramatic and reboundy to me.

contrary13 · 18/08/2017 13:43

Not overdramatic in the slightest.

My daughter's "father" (whom I left whilst newly - unknowingly - pregnant with her)'s wife's sister sent me a friends request on that particular social media platform a few years ago. I added her, knew who she was and what she was doing, and made sure to post things for the 3 weeks that we were friends that (a) paraded how happy my family actually is without him in it, and (b) didn't include any physical images of my daughter. Who knew exactly what I was doing and approved of it (he was very abusive towards me, has never paid maintenance, has seen my 21 year old once - by accident - when she was 3 months old!).

Deep down, though, I do worry about the current wife's physical/mental safety.

Perhaps your partner's ex's friend has similar concerns?

Having said all that, though... there are plenty of men out there who don't have children with other women - and therefore baggage, some of it nasty, some of it amicable. Have you thought about dating one of them? Or do you like the drama and actively want to be involved in it?

notevernotnevernotnohow · 18/08/2017 13:45

Not overdramatic in the slightest

Advice from someone who also clearly adores drama!

Olddear · 18/08/2017 14:07

So, you didn't feel you could have just deleted the request and not even mentioned it?

PollyFlint · 18/08/2017 14:11

The issue isn't that he went straight to his ex 'without talking to you', it's that he goes to his ex with this stuff at all. Even the fact that he considered taking this up with his ex instead of just ignoring it is ridiculous. And why did you even tell him?

The entire situation sounds over-dramatic to me and in all honesty you'd be better off out of it.

Original poster

Mousedl1 · 18/08/2017 16:38

I didn't tell him to cause an issue I didn't know the person who tried to add was his exs best friend. My phone beeped and I said 'so and so had added me on Facebook but I have no clue who she is' that's when he told me.
I think your right my issue is he feels the need to take everything back to her.

OP posts:

contrary13 · 20/08/2017 09:28

notever - ... WTF?

If you're referring to my daughter's issues... then don't. You have absolutely no right to judge me/my life what so fucking ever.

And I'm happy for you that you avoid drama/conflict/confrontation/life in every way, shape and form... except - why are you on Mumsnet, where people turn for advice, help, support when their world turns belly up (as mine has done in the last few years), then?

I left an abusive relationship 21 years ago. My daughter has severe mental health problems, which are neither my fault, nor my doing. My parents are shit, and because of my daughter I feel isolated from my friends. Who have lives of their own which I don't want to interrupt by asking them for advice/help/support.

And yes, I did add the new wife's sister, because my daughter thought that she was snooping and wanted to report back on her life. So she asked me to accept the request. It was my own "let them see that I'm not a snivelling wreck in the corner, on my knees because I walked away from him and wouldn't take him back years ago...!" attitude, because frankly? I know that's not what they wanted to see. But it's the truth.

So, notever, why don't you wander off and water the roses in your white picket fenced garden, and smile at how superior you think that you actually are to the rest of us who are simply doing our utmost to muddle through life - something which is, actually, laden with drama for all of us at every turn. Feel blessed that there's absolutely nothing in your life to worry about, be concerned by, feel genuine fear from or of or for. Know that I am happy for you, despite your severe case of patronisation, and hope that one day you understand how utterly pathetic you actually are. Just like the rest of us, in your opinion, I'm sure.

OP, I apologise for this response, but... wow.

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