To change holiday poss trigger

[cpjoli]

Posting here for opinions. I expect a variety of responses.
We are booked to go to Disney Paris on October half term. We are staying in a villa outside and booked everything separately. Dc's don't know it's booked.
I was looking at something on the dp website yesterday and it said Halloween celebrations from October to November, so while we are there.

Now my issue is that I hate Halloween. The dc love it of course. Some years ago I was attacked on the 30th October while on a Halloween night out and every year as Halloween approaches, I find the flashbacks, images and general anxiety is horrific. I can't go shopping once it all starts in the shops.

I hadn't realised Halloween would be quite so big at dp when we booked it.

We can't change to Xmas as DH has no holiday left.

It would mean cancelling and rebooking something else which DH isn't going to be happy about as he is so excited.. .as was I until yesterday. I haven't spoken to him yet, I struggle with talking about it at the best of times.

Sorry it's so long but aibu to cancel or do I just go and hope it's ok . My fear is it will rùin my holiday.

Sympathy but did both of you not realise that a massive American entertainment company would not make a big deal of Halloween?

You need to explain to your partner and see what he says.

Also, have you ever talked to someone about your attack. Might be helpful, cbt etc

Change it.
Enjoy your hols.
Hope you manage to find some professional help so you can cope with Halloweeen in the future. You will feel liberated afterwards I am sure. But dont worry for now - rebook !

Counselling. I used to hate Halloween for similar reasons. Now I go trick or treating and decorate my house with the kids no problem. You don't have to struggle through it every yr.
As for the holiday, you need to talk to your dp

That sounds horrible, OP.

I was there around the October half term and it was fairly full on with decorations - from memory the parades change to be more villain-centred. Despite that, it is a fairly sanitised Disney-halloween (if that makes sense) - there was piped music and a weird "C'est Halloweeeen" announcement annoyingly frequently. Pumpkins everywhere and novelty cobweb type things (and more villain characters) rather than pretend zombies popping up out of the ground if that makes sense.

Maybe it will help to make new memories that you can think about each year at Halloween - associate Halloween with the Disney trip rather than the attack?

Ah I'm sorry to hear that you were attacked at Halloween. Are you able to get some post traumatic stress counselling before you go? The fear is it will ruin the holiday but if you cancel the holiday is definitely ruined. Could you get some dimazipam from your gp before you go, which could help with your anxiety. I'd go to the doctors if I were you. I just got back from a cruise and I have anxiety and claustrophobia and was really anxious it would ruin my holiday but it didn't and I'm glad I went! I'm pretty sure I've been at a Disney park during Halloween and I think the staff are quite sensitive not to scare people.

I have been there several times at Halloween and it is not scary Halloween at all, it is very Disney and fun. There is one bit where they bring the 'scary; characters out at the back of the Castle but the timings for this are listed. To be honest again, this is very Disney villain rather than Halloween. As a pp said, loads of pumpkins everywhere and cartoony ghosts. No proper Halloween costumes either.

Disney at Halloween isn't scary it is more cute to be honest, there's a lot of pumpkins from what I remember

That sounds horrible.

But don't cancel. Use it to create more positive memories with the children. I'd suggest a bit off therapy before going for coping techniques and draw on the happy memory rather than have a negative one be a trigger. Facing bad memories and replacing them with positive ones helps the negative memory lose it's power over you.

I'd cancel. The anticipation will ruin it even if it's not so bad when you get there. But also get counselling.

Your DH knows?
Maybe this year you face you fears and what it has done to you.
Get cross at how your being held back, and enjoy your holiday.
Also get your kids to buy Halloween stuff and overload your feels to it.

The Disney version of Halloween will be very cute and not at all scary as remember they market themselves for all the family so it will be lots of pumpkins and "cute" Disney witches and wizards etc that caters for very young children. It will be very orange I would think! It may be a bit more hardcore in the haunted mansion ride for example but you could miss that one out.
Only you know if that is likely to still be a problem for you - but it will be very much in your face all the time you are there I would think.

Escaping Halloween is impossible, the plastic tat fest in the UK lasts a month and overlaps the equal nausea that is tatmas.

The yanks make even more of it - but I don't think Disney will be trying to scare you.

I think only you can decide if you are strong enough to find a way to deal with this. On one hand cancelling it would be perfectly understandable and if that's what you need to do right now then be kind to yourself and do it, go another time when you know you'll have a super time

However, another way you could choose to look at this is you don't want to let your attacker win and take away part of the year from you each year remembering your attack. This could be a great opportunity to make some really happy memories that can override the traumatic ones and in years to come perhaps this time of year won't be so awful. You could try and go into the holiday with the mindset of sticking two fingers up at your attacker and make it a healing process. Of course, exploring this with a councillor or trusted friend might help you be brave enough to take this approach.

Even if you go on the holiday another time, you might always remember it as the holiday you rebooked because you didn't want to go at Halloween- if that's the case maybe going on the original dates might be more empowering

Like I said, only you know your mental strength around this issue right now, and what you can handle. Your DH should be supportive. Sorry you went through such an experience

Do you think you have ptsd OP? I think many of the people telling you to go have no personal experience of what that's like. It's not something you can just get over by trying harder. If its ptsd, putting yourself in a triggering situation won't cure it, it will just be horribly upsetting and stressful.

There are ways to recover though, and you deserve to not have this hanging over you. Try to seek treatment, and postpone the holiday if you need to.

Please get some help - you cannot change the world being excited about Halloween, but can change your response to it.

I would change it tbh. I've been to DLP in October half term and it's all about Halloween.

I have been many times at Halloween. You will see a few pumpkins around but otherwise it is the same as it always is. If you intend to go, you need to avoid the shows and the parade. And possibly the shops which are full of Halloween junk. Your dh can take the dc and you can relax and take some time out in your room.
It is not in anyway frightening, and I think you can avoid most of it by simply planning properly.
Shame for your dc not to enjoy it with your dh. Pls book some counselling

I would agree with littlebird

As far as I remember apart from the decorations it's fairly easy to avoid the celebrations themselves

I think most were clustered in one land only last time we went

But that was a long time ago so i may be wrong

for whatever you decide

It was not just a few pumpkins when I went. The whole place was dressed up for Halloween!

Agreed, the whole place is dressed up but mainly pumpkins and Disney style cute Halloween stuff. Not scary Halloween at all, far from it. We have been 3 times at Halloween and it's been the same each time so I suspect it won't be any different this time.

One of the parades was an autumn one so not Halloween at all and the other was the normal parade with all the characters. They do some mini parades with the villains though, it is all advertised times so you can avoid.