To think this unnerves me and I should say something ?

[notgivingin789]

Hello !

Every time DS and I go to this particular shop, the owner has to ALWAYS comment on DS lack of speech and language skills...ALWAYS has the need to test him and ALWAYS has to advice me what I should be doing to help with his language skills ( like I already don't know !). It's probably coming from a good place but I don't feel like the owner is sensitive.

To give a background, DS has severe language and communication difficulties (his 7) and verbal dyspraxia... he talks loads but this particular speech disorder makes him sound young (and garbled) due to the consistent phonological errors. He only said three words at Five ! But do to his fantasies current school and my efforts his speech as come a very long way.

Earlier this morning, I had to go to the shop to collect something ( I rolled my eyes as I knew what was going to happen). I said "Hi" to the owner and told her I was here to collect X Y Z. She then sees DS (🙄) and proceeds to ask him a series of questions...she does it to test what his gonna say or if his speech is coming along. DS didn't say much, he nod his head to a few of her questions, replied briefly and continued to look at whatever he was looking at.

The owner then came up towards me and told me "Awww he can only say two words" (🙄). He says a lot more that that. She then asks me...in front of customers ! (I don't like people who I don't know knowing my business). "...How is his speech coming along....? " I replied "it's fine". She then proceeded to tell me that "You can tell his speech is bad .. he needs to mix with other children so he can learn to talk more/communicate more and talk to him more".

DS is always around children, I arrange several outings in order for him to see his friends over the holidays. He has mixed with children since Nursery... been mixing with other children at his school and goes to the parks/ play centres and I talk to him LOADS. He Currently participates in group swimming lessons and Football. Guess what ?! He didn't learn to speak from mixing from the other children. He couldn't as he didn't have the skills to. It's like he had to be specifically taught on how to communicate/ speak use other augmentative methods to bring his speech and language communication needs.

I wanted to say all the above. But I smiled and nodded me head...didn't have time to get into a heated debate.

She also mentioned to me that "she feels sorry for DS and I should be doing more to help" ? . I then replied "He attends a specialist provision which help with his language skills... I use and model a high tec AAC system... he attends private speech and language sessions.. I work with him loads at home...". The owner kept quiet and didn't say much else... I collected my stuff and went.

Every time I go there, it's a downer, DS has progressed a lot and to the people who he doesn't know or see him...they just pity him or expect me to (like pitying anyone helps?!!) they think I'm not doing enough to help him otherwise he should of been speaking properly by now. Not only that... she does this in front of the customers every time and I hate the need to feel like I have to tell people, who don't even know me, what I do with DS.

Should I just avoid going to the shop all together. Should I say anything when the owner starts again ?

She needs to learn to mind her own business.

Ben Your so right this is something that I've always struggled with, even before pre DC. I stand up for DS whenever someone bothers him etc. But the minute anybody undermines me as a parent or questions my decisions. I lose self confidence.

"Please don't talk about my son's medical issues in front of him, and people we don't know."

Is she a pharmacist or just on the counter? If on the counter speak to her boss and request that she never refers to your dc or anything to do with speech again. V unprofessional of her!

You could try "It's really kind of you to take an interest, but this isn't really the place to discuss something so private". Failing that, make a complaint to the manager/supervisor.

You sound like you're doing brilliantly with your son, OP and he's making lots of progress. If it makes you feel any better I took my 18 month old daughter with me to pick up something I was buying through Gumtree yesterday. My daughter is pretty shy and doesn't tend to 'perform on command'... The lady I was buying from started off by giving me a few speech therapy 'tips' (totally unsolicited) and then when I mentioned my husband and I would like to have another (it was relevant to the purchase) she said 'well you'll have to wait till you've sorted this one's talking out first'. It felt too late to tell her I am a specialist Paediatric Speech and Language Therapist. Needless to say I have been pointlessly worrying about my daughter's talking ever since. Nosey, know-it-alls (who actually know nothing) can get to us all. I totally agree with the PP, tell the woman you think it is inappropriate and thoughtless to discuss your son's S&L development in front of him. (Or, if you're braver than me, that it's none of her business and she clearly doesn't have a clue what she's talking about)

How awful. You sound FAB by the way. She really shouldn't be making such comments.

If you like using the shop and its more convenient to you to use next time she started on I would say something along the lines of " please don't keep asking about my childs medical condition - its not appropriate in your role to discuss/comment on customers in this way - would you like me to raise your deficiency in this area with your Manager as I would be more than happy to do so ? "

however if you have lots of pharmacies to chose from and they are just as convenient to use I would go elsewhere.

How's your Paddington hard stare OP? That's what she'd get from me, with complete silence while I collected my medication.
if I was feeling particularly passive aggressive that day I might tell ds to come away from the silly woman who doesn't know what she's talking about.. Or mutter something about empty vessels
I'm in a mood though
People will try to undermine you for the rest of your dc's life - it's what some people get their kicks doing - you're doing just fine.

Sorry, just saw it's the owner making the remarks. I think in that case I'd just go somewhere else.

Ironic she's so invested in your son's communication skills when her own are so appalling! Socially inept much?! Even if she was dead set on discussing it with you, the way she put everything she said was extremely rude, belittling, accusatory and uneccessary- she could have worded herself in a way that wasn't completely offensive!

If you ever go back, tell her what's what as soon as she starts on the subject. Otherwise avoid!

Spot on Elephant17 👏

Of course YANBU, you showed remarkable restraint OP!! She is so oblivious (if not just plain rude) and she needs calling out on it. Why is she getting involved in things that in no way concern her?

I'd be tempted to say all the things that the previous posters said then follow it up by walking out the shop and saying this:

@procrastinationsupremo

Honestly, do not worry about what some random, rude woman you met off Gumtree who made a judgement on your child for mere minutes out of 788401 minutes (18 months - I googled) of your child's life. YOU know her better than her, and from your job sounds like you may even know more than that snotty cow.

Thank you mission, I know you're right! I vowed as I reversed (very badly) out of her drive that I would wipe it immediately from my mind, but have failed spectacularly!

Tell her what you've just told us and perhaps pointing out to her that although she has excellent language and speech skills her subject content is massively offensive, overly personal, inaccurate and very much off the list of appropriate conversations with customers. Perhaps she should work on her social skills? Tell her that and stand your ground. Tell her you are her customer you wouldn't put up with it from a member of your family et ...What a twat. You sound like a fabulous mother don't let morons like her get you down.

This was me with my Verbally Dsypraxic DC4 and the bloody lollipop lady a few years - DC4 had lots and lots of language, in as much as he knew exactly what he was saying, but bugger all in the way of speech - he was mostly unintelligible for years (god bless all SALTs). But the lollipop lady had to a) try and talk to him and b) then comment on his poor speech every single time we crossed the road, which was at least twice a day. I thought evil thoughts about hitting her over the head with her giant lollipop, and did eventually crack and have a bit of a go. She seemed mortified, and I felt bad, but it did the job. So yes, do challenge the shop woman.

Omg, what a douche bag! Address or avoid!

Don't allow her to speak to you like that. It's not her place to speak to but in, nor to test your son.

If you don't want to confront her, you should never step in that shop again.

I think reallybadidea's response is really good. If she continues a word with shop manager. Or get meds delivered elsewher

I understand where you come from and I agree with your frustration. I do believe, however, that she might have been trying to help. She didn't know anything about your circumstances and she obviously thought your child's speech was delayed by lack of communication. She's ignorant, obviously, but well intended, in my opinion, albeit a bit intrusive. I think she shut up because she saw that you were in hands of professionals. I wouldn't stop going unless she keeps judging you despite having clarified. She didn't know, now she knows, kind of thing. That said, there are many online pharmacies with delivery service, as pp sugested. I'd look into those!

Go into the shop without him and give her an earful. I bloody would.

I wouldn't tell her anything or engage any more than is needed to accomplish a necessary transaction. Neither you nor your child has to justify themselves. Other people? Feck 'em.