Not to go at the last minute?

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

It's been a hell of a week. HQ in at work; and being audited. I've been working until 11 every night and I'm mentally exhausted.

I was invited out by a friend tonight last week in a Facebook group. Most people can't go. I said I would. I live with DP and usually these things are couples occasions. He is looking forward to spending the evening with me, as am I, I miss him!

I've just messaged to ask what time and where we're needed, and been told it's girls only. There's no set plans yet. I said I'd rain check in that case because it was my mistake thinking he was invited; but they aren't happy.

AIBU not to go? I want to; but I want to see him too. There's no way they'd let me leave early, and the places they tend to eat are slow.

It feels more unreasonable for me to suddenly say DP can't come; to me.

It's a girls night out so they are NBU. You can choose not to go but then they shouldn't give you a hard time though I'd be annoyed too

I don't see an issue with girls night. If you weren't both specifically invited then you should have assumed it was only you really or checked when you were invited.

I don't either; but it wasn't mentioned in the initial conversation. The last girls night had a "ladies only please" bit; this one just says the group is checking out one of a new restaurant.

He was in the group initially (he's been removed today to make it girls only).

"I know I said I'd come but I've had a shocking week at work, I'm absolutely shattered and I haven't seen DP since Sun night. Sorry! Def make the next one. Hope you all have a nice time. Xx"
Simples.
If they have a problem with that it is very definitely their problem.

Never feel pressured into doing something you don't want to do. One's social life is supposed to be fun , not a trial.

I wouldn't go, wouldn't give any excuse either. Just say that I couldn't make it and hope they have a good evening.

What fc301 said

If you don't want to go for all your completely understandable reasons then don't go; free time is in short enough supply without doing something you don't want to do.

I'm going to swim against the tide here. I think you should go. You committed to it and it would be quite ill-mannered to cancel at the last minute, in my opinion.

I thought you should keep to your promise and go, but adding your partner to the group and then removing him- effectively withdrawing the invitation- is really rude and mean even if not personal. I think you're justified in not going because of that- tell them you were both looking forward to a night out and you aren't going to ditch your partner when it's too late for him to make other plans, so the two of you are going to do something instead.

Thanks all. It feels hard - I don't know which new restaurant or when; so I can't agree to do something with DP before, so I'd literally be ditching him.

You live with him though so you see him often. I don't think it's an issue to go out with your friends instead

It is if she doesn't want to.

I think it depends. How many other people are going? Have you cancelled on them before? Will it bother you if they don´t invite you in the future?

I agree with the poster who says your social life should be fun and if it isn´t don´t go, but at the same time, with friends there is an obligation and sometimes you have to do stuff to maintain the friendship so that it is there for the times when you feel more like meeting up.

How does your DH feel? Has he commented?

YANBU to be irritated by the organisers' lack of clarity about partners being invited, although you could've double checked.

Missing your DP after one busy week / late nights at work is a bit wet.

What do you mean they "wouldn't let you" leave early?!

I wouldn't have said anything about missing DP but I would have said "sorry loves, totaly bushed after a bad week at work. Need to get home for an early night to regroup for tomorrow. Have a fun one! Xx"

If he was originally in the group I'd have assumed he was invited too, sounds like they decided to make it women only after they saw who was available, which is a bit rude. I think it's equally fine if you go and fine if you don't. I know those long work weeks, go with your gut

If I'm honest I never assume that my fiancé is invited to anything and always check - and make it damn clear I'm fine if he's not invited.

That said, I don't think it's helpful to ask what others think on this one as every group is different. My question would be why you don't want to go - is it because a) you don't fancy it, b) you feel put out that the boundaries have changed or c) because he'll be shitty? If it's A, drop out, B or C just go. I reckon it could be just what you need after a crap few days but that's just me

(I'm going on the basis that if you live with DP you'll have the weekend together from Friday night so one more day won't make much difference)