To not like dc

[NoFucksImAQueen]

Ds2 is 3. Just before he turned 1 his temper tantrums kicked in. When he was just over 1 I was getting advice from the hv in how to deal with his behaviour because he was always tantruming , flailing himself on the floor and being destructive:
As he's got older it's got worse. I watched him stamp on my iPad earlier. He rips the wallpaper, draws on the walls, breaks his brothers toys, breaks the baby gates so he can escape his room and winds his brother up constantly by kicking him in the car or pinching him or poking him.
I'm so tired. It's been 2 years now and Iv had enough. We time out but he escapes, he says sorry but doesn't mean it because he still does it again. I have nowhere I can put him to just give me some time from him. He doesn't listen, he just ignores me until I shout and even then it doesn't really work.

He's a middle child and he's delayed with his speech so yes I know this is probably why but honestly I'm not looking to be told why he does these things I just want him to fucking stop. I'm so worn down by him.
My own son and I love him but I don't like him at all

Agree with the choices and choosing your battles. The choices thing works a treat with my 2 & 4 yr olds 90% of the time (would you like pink or blue knickers on today? Here's 2 dresses which would you like to wear? Shall we have bunches or plait today?)

Also asking help is a good one (could you go and get nannys shoes for her? Can you shut the door once nanny has gone?)

And honestly if he wants milk just give him milk, if he leaves it just stick it in the fridge for later.

My girls are FAR from perfect, they whinge and fight every single day but the above saves a lot of stress!

Your child needs to be fully assessed. This is beyond just doing a bit of discipline. Has the public health nurse seen him? What does GP say? Please dont struggle any more. He needs to be fully assessed as sounds like asd. Meanwhile dont beat yourself up. You didnt cause this.

I agree re the assessment June but even with a title and a diagnosis (if the OP gets one) the behaviour will not immediately and miraculously stop. Strategies to manage the behaviour will still be needed.

The book How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen explains what to do when punishment and rewards don't work (and why they don't work). A special chapter on kids with additional needs/difficult behaviour too. Very accessible with key bullet points at the end of each chapter. Helps you understand from.childs point of view and address your own.emotions too. It's really helped me and I think it would help you too.

He sounds quite similar to my boy. He is the most loveable little boy and his eyes shine with mischief. He has got the most hearty laugh and you can't help but smile when you hear it. But boy is he hard work.
He's actually good as gold in nursery but with us he's a little shit at times.
Today's been a good day because we did something he enjoyed. But as it was just me and 2 kids I had to abandon buggy numerous times to chase him.
He has quite a bad temper. His train set is being put awau again as he's hitting his sister with it when she tries to play too. He's one for biting too although only her. (She's older and does wind him up something terrible).
Bedtimes are a real struggle. But he's always been a crap sleeper.
Speech isn't brilliant but really coming along (not yet spoke to HV as SLT crap with my eldest so waste of time until school)
But I think some of it is '2nd child syndrome', some is just his sheer amount of energy and the rest just the fact he is a typical boy.

My DH and I always joke that if he had been 1st there would not have been another.

Hugs - we can do this!! And it does get better x