How young is too young to learn about death?

[CoughLaughFart]

My cousin's wife just lost her grandmother; the only grandparent of the couple who lived to see their daughter. Although she wasn't a huge part of the child's day to day life in the way her grandparents are, she did know her.

The issue is, my cousin thinks his daughter is too young (she's not quite 4) to understand death and would be traumatised if they try to explain. His view is that she is unlikely to remember her great grandmother later on, so they should just 'let her forget'. His wife, understandably, is upset at the idea of her grandmother being forgotten and wants to explain to her daughter. My cousin is obviously sympathetic, but thinks it will do more harm than good.

What do you think? Is she too young?

My great grandmother died when Just before my 4th birthday and I have very vivid memories of her, not all of them nice admittedly. I remember her nursing home smelled of urine, and I remember a time when she became very distressed over something. But I also have a very strong, clear memory of sitting on the floor at her feet while she showed me her collection of Spanish dolls. My mum thinks that was around my 3rd birthday when that happened. So I disagree she won't remember her at all. Death is something that distresses children more as they get older IME. There's a beautiful book called 'Grandad's Island' which deals with death in a lovely way (although I found it very difficult to read to my DCs when my dad was dying).

Ignore the rogue 'when' in that first sentence

Death is part of life unfortunately I think of you can explain it in a child friendly way then it's better for a child then just "forgetting"