To ask him not to smoke in front of my DC??

[SleepForTheWeek]

My DD who is 2.10 wanted to pretend she was smoking a cigarette yesterday

The only person that she knows who smokes is my FiL. He visits once or twice a week and is not allowed to smoke inside so goes into the garden. DD knows he is going out for a 'cigarette' (because he tells her) and she often plays in the garden so will see him.

Obviously I can't protect her from seeing anyone smoke but would IBU to ask him to refrain from smoking at all while visiting? He's a chain smoker, probably can't last more than an hour without a cigarette.

I'm devastated she knows what a cigarette is already.

Or am I being precious? I also hate how stinking he is - DD is besotted with him and doesn't seem to notice though!

What do you do when you go shopping - she sees people in the street tabbing up.

I'm devastated she knows what a cigarette is already

OP - you need to get a thicker skin.
You'll likely go through divorce, bereavement, redundancy, house moves, etc etc
If a child knowing what a ciggie is devastates you, you're not going to survive the certain low spots ahead.

She probably wouldn't be paying attention to absolute strangers

Yabu. Some people smoke, that's life, you can't banish them all. He smokes outside that should be enough.

YANBU at all.

MIL smokes and DN started pretending to smoke at a much younger age than your DD. I was horrified, so when I went back to work and she started looking after DS, DP told her straight that she smokes outside and only when DS is asleep and if he ever comes home smelling of smoke or we see him doing what DN does, she is never looking after him again, simple as. If we are there DP also makes her wait outside an extra 5 mins after finishing and use a minty mouth spray and wash her hands before coming back in. As yet DS hasn't come home noticeably smelly or anything so its seemed to work. DP also has a habit of lecturing her on the dangers of smoking, even though she's been doing it for 40 odd years I don't think she's going to give up any time soon 🙄

I would just tell him straight and say look, DD has started copying you and I'm not happy about it, can you please not smoke whilst you're here.

Kids copy alsorts. Doesn't mean they will take up the habits when they are older though!

He smokes outside - rightly so - I would leave it at that

You are being ridiculous. He smokes in the garden. You cannot tell him not to smoke.

He goes outside!

Why not ban them from going outside completely after all they may see someone drinking, smoking, swearing

It's called life .

If you said he smoked inside then yes there would be an issue but he doesn't.

Ok I'll accept IABU!! Im perhaps letting other issues I have with FiL cloud my judgement!

My kids used to do this when they saw MIL smoking, they don't now they're older. Little children just like to copy adult behaviour. Didn't you ever pretend to smoke those cigarette sweets when you were younger? They were my favourite, I didn't turn out to be a smoker though.

My kids used to do this when they saw MIL smoking, they don't now they're older. Little children just like to copy adult behaviour. Didn't you ever pretend to smoke those cigarette sweets when you were younger? They were my favourite, I didn't turn out to be a smoker though.

What other issues? Is this going to be a big drip feed now?

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Even if he is outside he will still stink when inside and still be covered in residue.
Google third hand smoke.

Sorry OP you are being precious, since you asked .

As he goes outside, which is the right thing to do . tell your daughter to wait inside till Grandad has finished . . Its an addiction the poor sod.

Why don't you make your dd come inside while he's smoking if you don't want her to see?

Pandora the other issues are not to do with him smoking so there's no reason to 'drip feed'.

I didn't say they were to do with his smoking. You said there were other issues to do with FIL that were clouding your judgment.

I try to keep my smoking secret from the DC. DH and I say we are "nipping out for 5" rather than going for a fag. We always smoke where we can't be seen as well, we smoke outside while DC are in.

Actually, YANBU. It's your garden - you don't have to allow him to smoke in it.

You can't stop him smoking, but you can ask that he leaves your property entirely if he wants to smoke.

Jesus Christ BlurryFace , its a cigarette not a crack pipe .

Haha lul I was thinking the same!!

The 'preciousness' is mind blowing!

She will see people smoking in the street and in all sorts of other situations. She is going to know what a cigarette is regardless of your FIL's smoking.

If she's playing with toy kitchen stuff and she said "Mummy, look, my teddy is having beer/wine/a G&T like you and Daddy do" would you be similarly devastated?

Just tell her that grandad has to go outside to smoke because it's very bad for you and smells horrible, but poor grandad can't stop even though he might like to because that's what happens to people who start smoking and that's why you must never do it.

If it's any consolation, my nan was on 40 Superkings a day and it never made me want to take up the evil things.

YABU
Are you also not ok with anyone drinking alcohol in front of her (talking a beer/glass of wine, not getting pissed)? Or even tea/coffee?

I mean, just tell her smoking is only for adults, same as a lot of other things.