Aibu to think it's weird that stepmum calls me her daughter

[Clumsymumsy22]

A bit of background here. My dad was violent when I was younger and my mum eventually binned him off when I was quite young but still let me see him, though he didn't see me at all for a number of years but we see each other regularly now. Even though he was violent he's still my dad. He's now remarried to someone who has a daughter from a previous relationship.

My mum passed away 7 years ago, and I had my first child 8 months ago. I already feel guilty that my mum never got to meet her first grandchild and it's like I'm rewarding my dad. But when they introduce me to people, they call me 'their' daughter or say they have 2 daughters together. I cringe when they say this because I feel like this is an insult to my mum. When ever I talk about them to people I say 'my dad's wife' or 'my dad and his wife' and even 'my dad's wife's daughter' because I just don't think of them as my stepmum and stepsister.

But they have been supportive of me, especially since mum died. I think he feels guilty that he wasn't there when I was younger and is trying to make up for it now that I don't have her anymore.

Wwyd?

Sounds like she had good intentions to me. Perhaps she feels like it would be a bit of a snub to you if she says 'i have one daughter and one step daughter'. I can also see how this makes you upset so maybe mention it to her in a gentle way.

Presumably, when introducing you, only one of them is speaking. I don't see that it's any harder to say " This is my daughter", and/or "This is my step-daughter or "This is X's daughter" in introductions, depending on whose talking! They don't have to explain more than that. Could you have a quiet word with your dad, op, and tell him how you feel? I can understand completely not wanting your Mum 'airbrushed' out, no matter how good relations are with your Dad's wife.

*who's

My Dad died before I was born. My step dad brought me and my sister up. He refers to us as his daughters and our kids as his grandchildren. It doesn't bother me. I think you have unresolved anger towards your Dad, and you mentioned feeling guilty that your Mum never met your child. You're not being unreasonable, but I think you need to have a conversation with your Dad and his wife.

I am confused; because technically you ARE your father's daughter...
However, your stepmum is NOT your MUM.

Therefore ask her to refer to you as a stepdaughter. She sounds pretty decent, even if he is not such a good character.

Slightly different, but my sister has taken to referring to her in-laws as "Mum and Dad"..... this grates on me whenever I hear it - they are B-i-L's Mum and Dad, we have our own parents who are Mum and Dad. She could refer to her inlaws as Bob and Sheila or as Mike's parents, or Grandma and Grandpa..... why Mum and Dad? Those names are already taken.
As far as the OP is concerned it's going to be quite hard to prevent her SM from refering to her as her daughter, but she has absolute control over what she chooses to call her SM.