Why oh why.....

[Beanie3]

Why do I feel the need to thank DH for cutting the grass, taking the rubbish out, cooking the odd meal, whipping round with the vacuum, unloading the washing machine etc etc? I do it all the time and no one thanks me!

Because you're a nice person who has manners. It's nice to be nice as I say to ny children.

It doesn't mean you should be grateful, but saying thank you is a nice word to hear.

I dunno, sounds like you think he is doing you a favour by doing it.

I don't thank my husband for doing household chores, he doesn't thank me. But he does come out with stuff like " I made a really good job of the grass" cos he needs praise.

I think it's a good thing to do. It's good to know that we appreciate each other, and I don't believe it diminishes us. We make a habit of it now, and it has definitely improved our marriage.

He should be thanking you too.

My DH always says 'I did the washing for you', 'I did the vaccuuming for you' etc., etc.,

He clearly believes he is a levitating nudist.........

Both DH and I appreciate the other doing general household tasks so both say thank you to each other.

He does however feel the need to point out when he feels he has done something particularly well.....pat on the head, good boy etc etc

Yes, you are all right. Manners are important and we all need to know that we're doing a good job. It's just DH does do stuff around the house but looks for praise and treats the whole thing like a personal favour to me.

I can't speak for you of course, but in my experience it's because, being a bloke it's not "their job" to keep house/look after the kids so you can get shit done, work or whatever.
Therefore they need praise and you well, it's your job.

Dh makes dinner every night. I always say thank you.

He always says thanks when i do his washing.

I just think that when something does something that makes you day easier (like making a meal or doing some washing) you say thanks.

Oh Toooldtobearsed, you did make me laugh. That's exactly how my DH behaves. Wish he was a levitating nudist though, I'd put him in a circus and make a fortune! Well, not sure about the nudist bit but it would cut down on the laundry haha

Stop saying it then.
If you offer yourself as a doormat, expected to get walked over.

How about next time you go really over the top? Put a banner up, tootle on a kazoo, wear a T-Shirt emblazoned with "thank-you's" and produce a small cake?

Another one who is polite here, we both thank each other for doing chores. We are both part of the household and neither of us are doormats except to the toddler
I think it is nice to be appreciated, hope he does the same for you as you are modelling the behaviour

I say thank you to my DH for doing things around the house and I like it when he does the same with me. We are both functioning adults, no levitating nudists around and we know these jobs have to be done. For me saying thank you is basically thank you for doing the washing up so I didn't have to.

Strawberries, it would be nice to have that amount of free time but yes, I get what you're saying. Sarcasm springs to mind though and it's doesn't drive me insane, it's just irritating.

Oops sorry, predictive text. I should have written Strawberrisc.

Medal ceremonies are a regular feature here when DH does a little bit of housework or cooking! It's a standing joke, kids find it annoying though every single time. FIL is exactly the same and MIL makes it worse by heaping on the praise .......I just ignore - that works for me

It's not the thanks that's the issue, not at all, manners are so important. It's the 'I've done you a personal favour, I did this for you' bit that DH implies whenever he does stuff in the house. Like I'm the only person who creates these chores in our house.

Play him at his own game. If you put away his pants and socks, make a big deal of it.

My DH is great ...and crap at stuff. He will empty bins, wash up, do DIY without being nagged asked. But expect him to put his tools away after, close a cupboard door or actually wash everything up (he always leaves one or two things), that's another thing.

However, I do thank him for doing stuff as I think it's a way of saying you not only appreciate them doing it, it let's them know you noticed. He does the same for me.

My dh gives me a detailed breakdown of exactly what he has done. When he finishes I either lavish praise on him like he has just discovered a scientific breakthrough or start my list of what I've done in the same level of detail. He gets the point.

I always say thank you, as does dh. We both live in this house, it needs doing and whoever does it has saved the other one. So you're always doing the other person a favour iyswim.

Isn't this what the book 'Wifework' is all about? Many men consider the house to be woman's work so if they do anything, they are 'helping'.

Not just men either. Many women (myself included) have been raised to consider the same thing. I am trying to ensure my children grow up with a different view, but it's an uphill struggle.