To not know how to feel now my Decree Absolute has arrived

[wheresthel1ght]

I know I should be elated and outwardly I am. Exh was an. Emotionally and financially abusive controlling SOB and on the day I finally grew a pair and walked out he also became physically abusive. I know 200% that leaving was the right choice, it was not one I made quickly or lightly. I have never wanted or considered going back. I have a nice life with dp, a dd I never thought I would have, 2 dsc who drive me batty but I adore.

And yet when the court letter arrived I just felt numb. I don't feel relieved which is what I expected. I haven't told anyone outside my dp and my mum as I know they will expect me to be over the moon and honestly I am shattered and joust can't be bothered to pretend I am.

Is this normal or am I just odd?

You know, I think what you're feeling (or not feeling) is totally understandable and I bet lots of people feel the same. You're emotionally exhausted. And you've actually already been through all the really significant stuff; this is just the piece of paper. The major steps towards getting free of this bastard were taken long ago - this part is just kind of, I don't know, tidying up the edges.

Congratulations, though, all the same! You've really turned your life around - well done for having the courage to do it.

This is not my experience, as I'venever been through a similar experience, but I think how you are feeling is perfectly normal TBH.
You are at the end of a very emotional experience so feel conflicted, exhausted, disappointed that your marriage, started in optimism but ended in divorce.
Be kind to yourself and just accept that you will move on from today, hopefully to a much happier stage of your life.

I felt the same - my divorce dragged out for years and I thought I would be swinging from the rafter when the DA finally came but when it dropped through the letterbox dated exactly 15 years to the day that we got married I felt the same - numb...

... all that hope, all that promise - those vows that felt so real - ended on a little piece of paper that gave me freedom to do it all again!

I learned to move on and now feel relieved that it is all over but at the time I felt just like you!

Thank you!

It has taken over 5 years to get to this point, and I was able to do it on my terms which I feel good about. He had everyone convinced I had been cheating (I hadn't) and tried to divorce me on the grounds of adultery which I refused to do so he stopped paying for it. I have had some excellent advice over applying for fee remission which I was granted luckily and am proud of the changes I have made.

Just feels odd that I expected to be happy it was done with, that I was finally free of him legally speaking.

Thanks again for your support

I felt exactly the same Op. I expected to be overjoyed but I wasn't, I just felt sad: sad for myself, for our dcs and for the life we should have had. It was the final line under everything.

Still so glad I have it though! You will be too, just give it time x

My counsellor said people often grieve for their lost relationships. Not for the person you have divorced, but for how things could have been. I was divorced quite quickly and was relieved, but it's certainly not something I've ever felt positively about. The whole process is sad, however it came about.

I do feel mentally more free though as I've not had to think about forms or financial declarations or any of it. And I'm definitely better off than I was before. It's been 18 months now and I feel completely indifferent about it now. Not happy, relieved, sad, nothing. It's just something that happened in the past.