To think DD should be able to entertain herself?

[Snap8TheCat]

Genuinely not sure if I'm expecting too much of her or if I'm being too hard on her.

Dd is very nearly 7. I'm a cm and have been all her life and this means I can be around all holidays. The holiday for her, her siblings (both older) and the mindees are entertaining with a mixture of days out, activities around the house and meeting up with other people. She has a good variety of aged mindees to play with as well as me and her siblings.

However in the evening when I want to start winding down, she can't/won't go off and play on her own. I feel I've let her down that she doesn't know how to do this. As a toddler I expected it but always thought she'd grow out of it. She spends the whole evening flitting between us all saying she's bored/ has no one to play with etc.

It's so draining but AIBU? I'll accept it if I am, I just want to raise her as well rounded as possible and feel I've failed her in this department.

Dd is RUBBISH at playing alone and finding things to do. She's 7, in the middle of two brothers so I guess she's never really learned to be alone. But now the boys are getting older (9 and 3) they want to do different things than she wants to do. She flops around and declares herself bored and "there's nothing to do in this house!"

I do try and set up and start her off with activities but usually she won't even attempt it. Very frustrating.

My oldest dd was like this. It's basically her personality - she really likes interacting with people. Her father is the same. Basic personality traits like this tend to be strongly influenced by genetics, so it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with your parenting, IMO.

You've not let her down at all. She's 6! Lots of 6 yr olds don't settle to entertain themselves for long - it's more to do with personality than upbringing IMO.

I also think it's personality. Or at least that's what I tell myself as I have a similar aged child who is the just the same.

My 3 year old on the other hand can entertain himself for hours.

With so many children constantly around, it's not surprising that she never learned to play alone really.

No idea how you can correct it now though

I dont think its that she cannot play by herself more she craves your attention?

Can you not give her half an hour in the evening where you play a game/draw/read then its your time?

It could very well be personality, she's always in the thick of it and is very sociable and popular at school too.

I agree she's never learnt due to other children here but not really sure what I could have done about that. I have to work.

She just wants some 1-1 time with you / siblings.

I would have thought she's quite naturally looking for a bit of 1:1 attention.

I have a 6yo who will happily play in her room or read a magazine/do the puzzles. Could you suggest she takes a magazine to her room and gets on with It? Or she draws some pictures which you'll look at when you've finished your work?

What do you mean by "all evening"? Is she over-tired perhaps? Maybe you could do some 1-2-1 time with her and then have your own down time once she is in bed, with an early bedtime for her?

She has to share you all the time even in school holidays.

She wants you to spend time with just her and you tell her to go play alone.

The evening time is her time with you alone. You have to become mummy then not cm to be shared out. Act like you are coming in from another job. You would expect to spend time with her on her own. Her tank needs filling then.

I completely get that. I do feel terrible.

I will also add that I work 4 days a week and so she has me to herself (as much as that is possible as 1 of 3) the other three days a week.

And yes I encourage her to bring toys and play at the table whilst I'm clearing up, or bring sylvanian families in to the sitting room. I also need to spend time with my older children. It's a constant battle with myself and I'm screwing it up.

To make you feel a bit better, DD (only 4) is reasonably good at entertaining herself in the morning (she has plenty of opportunity as an only child) but needs entertaining more as the day goes on and she gets tired. She very rarely plays by herself in the evening. Could you have something similar going on?

Yes that's possible too. She doesn't do it in the mornings. We both get up around the same time (older ones sleep in) and she loves that.

One of my DC is like this, just her personality - it's pretty exhausting!!!

How well does she read? Some children are just very sociable and don't like playing imagination games alone.

She's a brilliant reader, currently ploughing through the Roald Dahl set. She'll also watch tv for a little while but not very long.

im 30 and still struggle to entertain myself lol.

Haha I wonder if that's why I struggle to get it, I love my own company and never get bored.

When you say so evening, what time died she go to bed.?

In the holidays she goes to bed between 8-8.30pm.

Is it possibles to get a few hours (or even a day) just you and her, so you can go out together? I find my dd12 wants to go for walks with me in the evening (which I do realise we're lucky to be able to do as dh is at home with the others) and even an hour can make all th difference. I know you're knackered and I know it's not easy with more than 1, but maybe that'll help? If she knows that, let's say, 6-7 every Wed is mummy and her time?
Don't beat yourself up too much - this mum lark isn't easy!

Definitely don't beat yourself up about this.
I would say she has benefited from having you there so much. You've been able to combine working with being with your children - the holy grail!