To feel really sad about my ASD son being left out if things.

[Imaginosity]

My son is 8. He has ASD. He loves the idea of having friends and actually thinks he has many. I can see that the other children are kind to him but he is not one of the group. He is part of it, but on the edge of it. He is not really into what the most other children are into but he is a lot of fun and loves joking around and is very witty when you get to know him.

I met a group of my friends and their children yesterday. As we were leaving several of the children begged one of the mothers to let the group of them go back to one boys house. No one noticed my son or asked would he like to go to. He didn't actually hear the others but would have been over the moon to have been invited.

My son went home happy as he didn't realise the others were going together but i felt really upset. The other parents are actually lovely people but they often seem to casually exclude my DS without even realising. I often am standing nearby and hear them arranging playdates and things. They often include us but other times not. I would not feel comfortable arranging things within earshot of other people who were being left out. I don't think it occurs to them how I feel - they are just in a bubble where everything is going well for their child who has endless playdates and social events. Probably if my son had no issues this wouldn't seem like a big deal but it really hurts when his happens.

I am sorry that this is happening to your son, it can be unbelievably heart breaking when your child is left out, especially if it's because of something that he cannot change.
Are these the sort of parents you could mention something to? Or perhaps, next time the others want to go off in a group offer to host? Sometimes well meaning parents think that it would be awkward or difficult for an ASD child to cope with changes to plans or additional activities, mostly because they have very little understanding of ASD. As long as your son is happy, try comfort yourself with that- he isn't noticing these things, and I sincerely hope he never does- and gets to keep his happy bubble for a long time. Have you considered meeting up with other parents of ASD children- it is usually a relief to be with people who have an understanding of what it's like and aren't judgy and excluding. All the best.

Yanbu, it must hurt. I think some parents are just oblivious to others feelings, and it may be that they're blinkered and so immersed in themselves, that they didn't think of you? It may not be due to his ASD?

That makes me feel sad for him too.
Could you arrange a playdate for his friends at yours? Maybe he would then get invites in return.

I think if it was my kid I would be looking at expanding his network. Can he go to cubs or whatever activities are available where you are meet kids from other schools?