Angry at mother

[bella7687]

So my mother has decided to stop all contact with me because I decided to allow my husband to move back in ( we split up four months ago, after meeting up, lots of talking we have decided to give it another go). Anyway my mother is not happy about this because when we first got married it was just a registry wedding no family present, and she feels she wasn't given "her rights of passage " (her words) in giving me away, since she was a single mother and devoted her life to me. She wants us to do the proper wedding before he moves back, because she cannot recognise him as my husband (we have been married for five years with two kids!!!). So I told her she really doesn't have a right to decide if and when he moves back in as it's my home, and we got married five years ago she needs to get over it, plus we can't start to plan a wedding before he moves back in ! She also wanted me to postpone him moving back till november as my grandmother wants to visit in October and doesnt particularly like my husband, so would rather not be around him. Anyway conversation didn't go well and she has said she no longer wants contact with me, she has refused to answer my calls or messages. Honestly I think she is quite ridiculous.

2duck - are you confusing me with another poster?
I specifically said Nothing awful at all about a registry office wedding

Actually I do know about the expat life. And it never came up that we should be married.

In our case we had to be married for him to get a long term visa, otherwise he would have been on a tourist visa.

Yanbu op. From your posts it strikes me that you mother is more concerned with you doing what she wants then what's best got your relationship. She sounds controlling.

As for your dh, he could be fine and just your mum being crap but it's not uncommon for people who have controlling parents to end up in relationships with similar. So while it could well just be her being crap, which she does sound without bringing your husband into it, you'd be best to really ruminate on your relationship and look for any real red flags.

Tbh anyone whose focus is on the wedding day and not the marriage, isn't thinking about the relationship but about the shiny.

But it sounds like the wedding was rushed into without a great deal of thought and the marriage isn't a bed of roses either.

The reason you have family at the wedding is so families get to know one another. Has your mother met his mother. Have you met all of his family.

Marriage is about not just the family created by the 2 getting married but by the extended family unless you are going to effectively cut everyone else off and live in a bubble.
Sorry but I feel there is something a little off at the rush to get married in the first place. It sounds like you hadn't known each other well before the marriage, then making it awkward for anyone to actually meet him before hand.

Is it possible that they think he was only interested in getting the visa and that he's using you? All right, he was a SAHD, but do they maybe think he's just lazy?

That is what I would worry about if it was one of my DDs. (Thankfully that's a very long way off lol, as they're only 8 and 5!)

The way she's going about it, though, is plain ridiculous, and very short-sighted.