To ask him not to just turn up

[user1472333009]

A friend Introduced me to her friend a few years ago. He added me on Facebook then started turning up at various events I was at where he would stare at me & was acting a bit odd. I mentioned this to our mutual friend who said, oh dont worry he has slight autism, ok that explains a lot.
I run a lot & enter lots of race so he'd message me (via Facebook) asking how my running was going, giving me advice (I've run for 7 yrs, he doesn't run) telling me how proud he was, of me etc but sometimes twice a day, so I blocked him. He then asked my friend to ask me to unblock him which I did because I felt a bit bad.
I was doing a marathon in another city which I'd put on Facebook so he turned up at the train station (he'd asked my mum which train I was getting) to wish me luck which I found a bit odd. Then 10 miles into my marathon he's shouting me. He'd got a train, booked a hotel & was there at the end waiting for me & took a few photos.
This year I've set up a just giving page with all my runs & the last two he's turned up. I don't dislike him as such but I don't want him there, I need to chill before a race not make awkward small talk with someone I barely know.
My family say, aww he's harmless, my friend is in her own little world so doesn't really care.

He messages me still up to two times a day which I ignore mostly. It's just all a bit odd & I don't know what to do.
I don't want to be cruel but neither do i want him at all my races.
I just don't know how to ask him to stop turning up without upsetting him or even if he'd understand.

Block him again FFS and this time don't unblock him when your 'friend' asks you to.

This isn't harmless; he doesn't understand boundaries and it's making you uncomfortable.

Block him, and if your friend asks you to unblock him again say that no, you won't be doing that because he won't leave you alone and you don't want anything to do with him. You don't owe him anything.

You need to block him. And do not unblock him. If he keeps turning up, I'd be having a chat with the police about stalking and insisting he be told to back off.

First tell him not to turn up, be very direct and say you're not comfortable with him doing it.

If he still turns up then do something more about it but if you haven't told him not to, it makes sense to do that first.

I'd block him and make sure he can't see where you're going to be. If he then finds out another way you need to firmly and politely tell him that he's making you uncomfortable by coming to your events.

Block him after telling him that it's not appropriate for him to attend your events. I have no idea why you are still allowing him contact.

He's not harmless, he's fixated and stalking you. Block, delete, ignore and tell your family to do the same.

Why the hell won't you tell him to leave you alone? Stand up for yourself for goodness sake. Tell him slowly and clearly he makes you very uncomfortable and you want him to leave you alone. Block on all social media. Inform friend and insist she never mentions him to you again. If he persists, police.

OP just block him, you don't owe him any kind of explanation.

I have friends who said just what you lot were saying then my mum & sister saying "he's harmless, you need to understand he has autism" my mum sees the good in everyone my sister's pretty similar so I'm getting a bit confused. He's friends with my other friend & she's not at all concerned so I guess I thought, how bad can he be? He sponsored me £20 too. I guess I'm a bit soft & don't want to hurt him but I Will ask him not to turn up at any more of my runs & take it from there. He goes on the sites of the runs I've done & sends me the photos too :/

Definitely block. It doesn't matter if he's 'harmless', he's bothering you - and you don't owe him anything. (And tell your mum and any friends who ask that you don't want to be friends with him and don't want him following you around.)
You do not have to put up with someone you don't want to be friends with. Women are constantly told to 'be nice' (especially to men) but he is not your responsibility and, whether or not he's on the autism spectrum, you still don't have to just suck it up.

my mum & sister saying "he's harmless, you need to understand he has autism"

Autism doesn't automatically mean he's harmless. There are harmful autistic people just are there are harmful neurotypical people.

Also, the fact that someone is autistic (and is he diagnosed autistic or has your friend just decided for herself that this explains his behaviour?) doesn't mean you have to allow them to put you in situations where you feel threatened or stalked or uncomfortable.

He is probably not able to read your body language/alarm/discomfort - maybe ask him gently but firmly not to turn up, you could also explain that you are not interested in him romantically. I would think it is best to be straight and to the point but not unkind.

You need to tell him straight and also block him.

That's actually quite sad.

He thinks he's your friend and in all likelihood has no idea he is not welcome.

Rather than ignoring messages you could just be honest and reply back with a polite but clear message asking him to stop.

You do not need to be cruel or dramatic you don't even need to be kind, just be a grown up and dont expect someone with a social and communication issue to understand anything other than a clear precise message.

Bollocks to that. Block him and tell your mum and friends that they are not to give him any details about your life or whereabouts again.

I agree with needsasock. I work with young adults with ASD and he likely doesn't have any clue that what he is doing is inappropriate or unwanted. I would just tell him clearly that you do not want him to attend any more of your runs and that you do not want any more messages off of him. If he persists then if you can speak to his parents or someone who can work with him to understand the situation and at that time it would be appropriate to block him, and take a firmer approach to further contact.

It doesn't help the person with a social communication difficulty to humour them or let them do things that are creepy bc of their condition. He needs to know so he can stop and not do it to others.

Its not cruel to tell him you are not interested, just the opposite. Ignore people who tell you you have to accept it for whatever reason, you dont. They arent the ones getting unwanted attention.

Yes I do think k he has a crush. As a few have said with autism they don't understand foundries & social interactions are difficult for them. I'm sure anyone else would have noticed the shock in my face.
He's definately autistic you can't ell by his mannerisms. Thanks Bluebird I will have a word with my mutual friend & see if she will have a chat with him.
Needs, it is rather sad you can tell he just wants to be like everyone else but doesn't quite know how.

Obviously adults with Autism need to be shown the same care and understanding as children with Autism. You're right OP, he's trying to be your friend but he's getting it all wrong. Talk to his parents, friends or the people who support him and let them know how his behaviour is affecting you.

I think it'd be a bit cruel just to block him. I also understand that you don't owe him anything, so don't have to do anything you don't want to. But, maybe clearly explaining to him that you don't want him to come to all your races might be enough.