Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if men just hate working?

29 replies

moutonfou · 15/08/2017 21:53

I grew up with a dad who hated having to work. Did nothing about it, never took any steps to change; just stayed in the same job for decades and let his hatred of work consume his life and destroy his relationships.

I'm worried DH is going the same way. It's not the job he hates, it's having to work. He says he hates work constantly and after having exhausted all practical suggestions I feel like saying: we have to make money. Take steps to make it more bearable, or just deal with it.

I hate working too but I just accept its something I have to do until I can come up with a way not to, or retire.

I've known morose, dour men who have literally had a personality transplant overnight upon retiring, whereas a lot of the women I've known who've retired have ultimately become restless or still chosen to take on projects/voluntary work etc.

Do men have some particular issue with having to work? Is it the feeling trapped?

OP posts:
Glowinginthedark · 15/08/2017 21:54

Both my father and my husband enjoy working and work hard to earn decent money, I'd say the majority of men I know seem to enjoy working.

Ginmakesitallok · 15/08/2017 21:57

My dp loves his job and loves working. I don't think that your experience of men is typical. Having said that I suppose it depends on the job! But I don't think not wanting to work is a sec issue

Ginmakesitallok · 15/08/2017 21:57

Sex not sec

Babyblues14 · 15/08/2017 21:57

My dh worked since he was 16 and took on two jobs when we found out I was pregnant to make sure we could buy whatever we wanted. Had to convince him to drop one as he was exhausted.
I think it depends on if you actually like the job your doing and if your good at it.
I worked in retail for a year and hated every minute of it which made me useless at the job.
Got a job in care 4 years ago and can't imagine doing anything else.
Maybe suggest him trying something out of his comfort zone and see if that helps.

So yes yabu, most people hate working not just men. But if you want to make a life for yourself you have to work Grin

SerfTerf · 15/08/2017 21:58

Doesn't remotely describe my DH or DF either.

I think maybe you've done that classic thing of marrying your dad.

missiondecision · 15/08/2017 21:59

I have never met anyone as an adult who didn't enjoy working, at least some of the time.
The men you described, could they be depressed?
What do they like doing?
It doesn't seem right that they don't enjoy doing something, or at the very very least just get the fuck on with it because that's life.
You have to do what you have to do, to do what you want to do.

Viviennemary · 15/08/2017 22:00

I think a lot of women hate work too. It's a sad state of affairs but it's by no means confined to men these days.

BlessedBeTheFruit · 15/08/2017 22:00

I don't think it's a male thing, but perhaps they feel more trapped, sometimes due to family commitments.

I knew a man in a well paid job in his mid 20s who hated it but felt he couldn't retrain at that point. I was like you are on £50k+ at 27, of course you can! But maybe men don't feel it's possible. He didn't even have a long-term partner at that point either.

Gorgosparta · 15/08/2017 22:00

My dad retired from the police and got part job. He loves working.

Dh loves working and dbro is a sahp and loves it.

I dont recognise your description, or can think of any men I know that fit it.

BackforGood · 15/08/2017 22:02

Yes, YABU to make a leap from two men, to 'half the population'.

IME, the vast majority of people like some aspects of their job and dislike other aspects. Some people (a considerable %) do enjoy their jobs. Some people no doubt hate their jobs. Quite a lot of people like a lot about their jobs but get frustrated at certain aspects (maybe the paperwork or maybe just having too much of it). However, I think this applies to both men and women. I don't think there is a pattern of 'men feel X about work, and women feel Y about work'.

dollydaydream114 · 15/08/2017 22:04

I don't like working either, and I don't blame anyone for working to live instead of living to work. I mean, I don't hate my job but I'd give it up immediately if I could. There are many more fun things I could find to do with my time, and work is the least important part of my life. None of my ambitions in life are work-related.

ArgyMargy · 15/08/2017 22:09

YABU and to be honest just a little bit stupid.

Crumbs1 · 15/08/2017 22:11

My husband works incredibly hard and always has. He never switches off and has no intention of retiring. He's always loved his work. My two sons love their work too - one says he's paid to do his hobby.

Original poster
moutonfou · 15/08/2017 22:15

Thanks all, maybe I know the wrong men Sad

OP posts:
Argeles · 15/08/2017 22:17

My DH seems to love working, and my Grandad definitely did. My Dad doesn't love it, but doesn't hate it either and doesn't moan about, except when someone has really pissed him off. They all just seemed to accept that working is necessary and they have to do it.

My Mum on the other hand, used to constantly moan about work every morning and night and even in the holidays, and took early retirement.

My Nan used to moan about work and bitch about everyone who worked there, and get . I enjoyed being a Teacher before becoming a sahm, but I'd moan about things at work every night - usually other staff and intense workload. I used to get so depressed in the last few days of each holiday, obsessing and panicking over the horrible routine and workload that going back to work would inflict on my life and wellbeing.

SheSaidHeSaid · 15/08/2017 22:18

My DH enjoys his job even though it can be long hours and stressful as he gets great satisfaction from it. It's not all men.

woodhill · 15/08/2017 22:19

My dh hates his job and he works awful hours. His df was like this too and couldn't wait to retire. Seem to have low aspiration tbh and expectations and not being pushed by his dps.

Grilledaubergines · 15/08/2017 22:19

No. Hardworking husband, dad, grandad.

Some people are lazy, being male or female is irrelevant.

You've married your dad. So have I, to be fair.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 15/08/2017 22:19

Sorry, but you said you hate working too I hate working too but I just accept its something I have to do until I can come up with a way not to, or retire. so what's the difference to the men in you life hating work?

SenatorBunghole · 15/08/2017 22:20

Erm, I don't think that's a man thing. It's a some people thing.

AnnabelleLecter · 15/08/2017 22:20

Nothing to do with gender.
DH and I like our jobs enough but there are lots of other time fillers we like much more.
So if we came into a reasonable amount of money now we'd be handing our notice in tomorrow.
Also going back after a holiday or time off can feel depressing.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 15/08/2017 22:23

I enjoy work (thankfully) but it's a necessity not a desire. I hate having to work too. I want to be filthy rich and flopped on a sun kissed beach

WiganPierre · 15/08/2017 22:31

I have known some men who didn't like working but I'd say they are a rarity. My husband loves working and would work for no pay he loves his job so much! All of the women in mine and my husband's family are homemakers and the men are hardworking. I think that being the breadwinner can be good for some men to give them impetus to work hard and to support their family. There is no other wage to fall back on to pay the bills and some thrive on that.

Original poster
moutonfou · 15/08/2017 22:33

StillDrivingMeBonkers you're right, I shouldn't have referred to hating work specifically as lots of people do that.

I was more referring to not making the best of, letting work negativity seep into every area of life, being unable to disconnect and enjoy personal time, etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
moutonfou · 15/08/2017 22:33

not making the best of it

OP posts: