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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have had enough of my young cat attacking my old one and getting very upset by it all?

24 replies

Embarrassedemma · 15/08/2017 20:19

This has been going on now since we took the cat over.
He was only 3 months when we got him after my grandmother passed away weeks after getting him so felt obliged.
I have a 10 year old female cat who is lovely, wouldn't hurt a fly and yet is bullied in her own home.
He chases her all the time and attacks her if he catches her.
She lives upstairs permanently now as she's too scared to come downstairs.
I don't particularly want her outside too much now anyway as she struggles climbing the shed and garage roof but her choice has been taken away as the minute he sees her outside he attacks her.
This has been going on a year and I've had enough.
I tried to rehome him a few months ago and he travelled back the 3 miles even though my friend kept him in for over a month.
So I don't think rehoming is the answer and my son who is 7 is very attached although daughter of 11 hates him as he's so horrible to the elderly cat.
He's fine with people although isn't a lap cat by any stretch of the imagination.
What would you all do in this situation?

OP posts:

meltingmarshmallows · 15/08/2017 21:10

If you decide to rehome, ensure it's far enough away that he can't wander back as that's dangerous for him and obviously distressing for you and the new owner.

It sounds as though both cats are not happy living under one roof and you've given it a good trial so I would look to find him a more suitable forever home.

You did the right thing taking him on after his owner passed but sadly it doesn't sound as through he's a good fit with such an elderly cat.

Jessiecat27 · 15/08/2017 21:30

Have you tried feliway? It really helped when we moved house as one of mine was hissing and attacking the other (her son who we have always had so not like it was a new cat) is the younger one just playing or actually attacking your older one? I'd say ask your vet for advice as there's plenty of things you can try to calm him down. My mum took in a stray a year ago (already had one cat) they get along fine now but they used to be like that, definitely try the spray though, good luck!

Original poster

Embarrassedemma · 16/08/2017 06:59

We have tried that but thanks.
I just can't imagine this changing but am really worried no matter how far I rehome him he will try to make his way back!

OP posts:

LadyOfTheCanyon · 16/08/2017 07:03

Is he neutered?

IrritatedUser1960 · 16/08/2017 07:04

I had a similar cat and rehomed her with a friend who lives in the middle of woods 100 miles away. She is very happy there and I can visit anytime I want so win win.
This behaviour is not going to stop if it's been a whole year, I put up with it for 3 years and then enough was enough as none of the cats were happy.
I still miss her though.

Original poster

Embarrassedemma · 16/08/2017 08:04

Yes he is.
It had no difference on his character.
I don't know why but he just seems to want to be man of the house and can't adapt to not being.

OP posts:

caffeinestream · 16/08/2017 08:06

How is he fighting? Is he being vicious or is he just trying to play and your older cat doesn't like it?

Our cats chase each other all the time but the difference is that neither of them are scared by it. If one wants to stop, or doesn't want to play, they have no hesitation in growling or delivering a quick smack on the head!

Feilin · 16/08/2017 08:12

You should take him to a rehoming centre like cats protection. They will be best placed to rehome him somewhere with no other cats . Youve done your best but sometimes it doesnt work out.

Original poster

Embarrassedemma · 16/08/2017 08:26

No he chases her up the stairs and if he catches her dogs his claws in and attacks her.
She now just doesn't even attempt to come downstairs.

OP posts:

Veterinari · 16/08/2017 08:26

It does sound as if rehoming might be best for your old cat's sake.

Unless the young male could live outside/in a shed or garage?
Do they both have totally separate feeding and toiketing areas? You can reduce older cats anxiety by making sure she never has to compete with the younger Cat for anything and keeping them very separate.

Original poster

Embarrassedemma · 16/08/2017 08:26

She lives in our room now only going to the spare room to use the litter tray but won't go downstairs at all.

OP posts:

Original poster

Embarrassedemma · 16/08/2017 08:28

Yes everything is divided as she won't go downstairs so she sleeps in our room but goes to the spare room for the litter tray and food whereas he has the pantry downstairs for his food but doesn't use a litter tray as spends lots of time outside.

OP posts:

caffeinestream · 16/08/2017 08:33

Could you make him an outdoor cat with access to the pantry for food, water and shelter, and give her free run of the rest of the house?

Original poster

Embarrassedemma · 16/08/2017 08:40

No he won't stay out overnight unfortunately

OP posts:

Original poster

Embarrassedemma · 16/08/2017 08:40

We did try to make the shed his home but he just cried at the door the whole time

OP posts:

Lonecatwithkitten · 16/08/2017 08:42

Was it the original feliway classic you tried, it might be worth trying the new feliway friends specifically made for this kind of situation.

fannydaggerz · 16/08/2017 09:43

What about zyklene for both cats and adaption collars?

BarbaraofSevillle · 16/08/2017 10:08

It could be quite likely he wants to play and your old cat doesn't. My suggestion would be to get another cat about his age or a bit younger to play with. He will almost certainly leave your old cat alone then and she will be able to sit around being a middle aged lady in peace.

I foster rescue kittens and also have 2 x 1 YOs, a 4 YO and a 9 YO (cats btw for clarity). The older 2 potter around doing their thing and the 1 YOs play with the kittens.

One of my fosters went to a family who were in a similar situation to you - single young cat making a nuisance of itself by wanting to play with an older cat who just wanted to be left in peace.

Original poster

Embarrassedemma · 16/08/2017 15:07

Have ordered the feliway.
No he doesn't want to play, he has also attacked cats who live on the adjacent road as they've come over asking for the vets bills to be covered!

OP posts:

CardsforKittens · 16/08/2017 15:48

That sounds really difficult - you have my sympathies. I'll be honest - if I were one of your neighbours and your cat attacked my cat to the extent of needing vet treatment I'd be very upset. Can you look into the possibility of a cat behaviour specialist? It's probably expensive, but possibly worth it if multiple neighbours are bringing you their vet bills. And it could be helpful for your older cat. I suppose another option is rehoming him very far away but that's also difficult to achieve. Or watch some of Jackson Galaxy's show for ideas? (Not sure if it's on YouTube or Netflix.)

Original poster

Embarrassedemma · 16/08/2017 16:45

I did pay for the vets bills once they told me
After they ignored me and gave me filthy looks for weeks

OP posts:

Original poster

Embarrassedemma · 17/08/2017 08:51

OP posts:

Showandtell · 17/08/2017 08:54

Rehome him miles away. Feliway doesn't work.

Veterinari · 17/08/2017 09:16

Rehome him miles away. Feliway doesn't work.

Feliway does work - it's simply that 90% of the time it's used incorrectly and touted as a universal panacea to all behaviour problems with no behavioural modification plan in place. Like anything Feliway is a tool and it works when used appropriately in the right situation along with measures such as
journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1098612X13477537
Or
icatcare.org/advice/keeping-your-cat-happy/multi-cat-households-and-how-survive-them

It can be beneficial. But no it won't magically fix longterm learned behaviours or highly motivated behaviours, it's not designed to - it can however reduce anxiety and behaviours arising from that. So it's unlikely to impact on the young Cat but may make the older Cat feel better.

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