Relationships

[Kelsar]

Evening. My girlfriend and I got together when she was married to someone else (I am not proud but these things happen) anyway we have been together a few years now but it does worry me that I know what she is capable of and I have now started to worry she my do the same to me. I don't know what it has taken this amount of time and why I wasn't in the beginning.
Anyhow right at the beginning there was a couple of messages which I found she has sent her ex wife in the first two months of leaving (during the seperation) it was all very tit tat meaningless stuff but it still bugged me has she hadn't told me and I thought communication was key and would have expected her to tell me. Anyhow we had it out and moved on.

She has started to be a bit funny about things, phone etc. I obviously want her to have friends and want her to be happy but I cannot help but go back to the fact that she is able to keep secrets (which I am sure everyone is able to).

The last couple of days have been really strange at home.
We went out over the weekend with friends from work and someone was there who works on her team. The whole team and the two of them seemed really clicky. It turned out she new some things which I was shocked she knew. You know those stupid conversation couples have about favourite things - ultimate lifestyle choices etc well it turns out she knows almost all those 'cute' things about her - and it well honestly it upset me. It upset me to think she has shared those things with someone else. They even started to finished each other's sentences. I felt really 'not included' which I am really angry about consider it was her idea for me to go out in the first place.

This weekend she has been very pre occupied. Constantly on her phone. Constant. Anyhow I have done want I always had people doing and have checked her phone do to the suspicious was driving me crazy. I have checked and hey have been texting to and from since Friday the day I felt incredible uncomfortable. There's is no naughty messages but I am wondering why she has been carrying her phone with out constantly for the last 5 days and basically being odd with her phone.

This is most likely all my insecurities flooding back. But wanted to know what the rest of you thought???????

Thanks xxxxx

LTB.

It's a funny thing, karma.

If my partner was checking my messages and seemed as jealous as you, I would also be 'funny about my phone' too. No wonder your girlfriend is being a bit off with you. You're probably doing her head in.

I've never cheated on anyone and I would never cheat on my partner EVER, but if he was going through my messages I'd find it abusive and a massive violation of my privacy. You have no real grounds for suspicion other than that she has friends who she gets on with really well.

People have friends. I have friends that I message a lot and am really close to. I'm not having affairs with any of them. Are you expecting your girlfriend not to have close friends? That's a really unrealistic expectation.

I think you're being a bit paranoid and overly jealous.

Her behaviour sounds odd and secretive. You know what she is capable of.

Id cut my losses as the trust isnt there.

If you take on a dog that bites, don't be surprised if you get bit.

Smeaton has hit the nail on the head; you know she's perfectly happy cheating. She showed you that when you got together. Why would you be in any way surprised if she cheated on you?

My Mum always said "Marry the mistress and you create a vacancy". Much as it pains me to admit, she's right.

I understand that I may be coming across as a jealous type - but I don't thinking finding messages from her ex wife after they had split up is jealous and that has given me the insecurities.

I have owned up to my own insecurities so at least I admit I have them.

LTB?

I know she has close friends and I know it is unrealistic to suggest she will never have close friends but why hide the phone, why carry the phone around with you. If it's her friends messaging her she would normally and has done before told me.

Don't get me wrong her wife was a complete nasty piece of work - vile and there were many reasons she left her - apprehensive the morning of the wedding springs to mind also. Which I would not say was a good start?

May be I wouldn't be surprised if she cheated on me. As you said she has done it before.
She tells me that she is different now.
Tells me that this relationship means more to her and that now she is truly happy.

But every now and then I get a twinge.

If she cheated once, she'll probably cheat again. You're right to be concerned, her behaviour doesn't seem quite right. Just leave her.

Nuttynoo thank you for your post. I guess its like a list being made in my head the positive and the negatives. If I leave will I forever wonder whether she has generally changed and that she generally wanted to make a go of it. Or do I live like this and worry about things that I shouldn't really worry about.
The behaviour to me does seem a little weird, she lets her guard don't very easily and she is a manager at work - staff have contacted her quite rightly but then 2 of them (different times I may add) became needy I pointed out with the first one how it made me feel that 'our' time was being affected and she knocked it on the head but then it happened again. May be she is completely unaware of how it comes across but I think in a relationship if one of them tells the other one how uncomfortable it makes them feel then the other should consider that - surely???

Oh yes and on Saturday I had a banging headache the type that makes to feel sleepy and sick at the same time.
She asked me all day if she had done or said anything wrong and has upset or annoyed me - do you think that's her realising that she has annoyed more - realising how she was.

She was very dismissive of me.

I saw a new side of her that night.