or is this a control thing? How do I deal with it?

[poopsqueak]

isclaimer I love my mother, and I am not bashing her, I merely am wondering if this happens with other people.

So everytime my Mum comes to babysit my daughter, she will make some attempt to change what my daughter is wearing.

It can be something such as 'do you have a pair of leggings instead' (if she is wearing dress/dungarees/shorts) or the exact opposite 'does she have a dress she could wear instead?' if she is wearing trousers. If I say 'no' (which I do mostly) she gets a bit huffy.

it also happens with her hair. She will come in and say 'lets get that hair out of your face' if its down or 'I think we should let your beautiful hair down, don't you?' if its up! Sometimes my daughter has chosen a particular hairstyle so i think thats why it bothers me so much.

She does it with coats too. And its not even just a 'checking if it's appropriate for the weather thing' sometimes I think she just changes the coat for the sake of it.

I have only noticed it since I have been a parent but she does it to me and my brother too (31 and 34 respectively) - asking if we 'will be warm enough' 'won't you be too hot?' 'are you wearing those shoes?' etc etc. Its as if she still doesn't trust our own judgement or ability to dress ourselves. Its weird.

For example last year it snowed quite badly. I didnt have any boots (was planning on buying some though) but I wasnt too bothered as I can park outside my house and my car directly outside of the building at work. So trainers would do and I would change to work shoes once inside. But this absolutely bothered her, that I didnt have boots. So the sent me £100 to buy some. I was grateful of course, but I just couldn't understand why she was so bothered. I bought some lovely sturdy 'biker' - style boots (black with silver buckles, flat, waterproof) and she then commented on how she didnt think 'I was going to buy something like that!

Shes also a classic 'oh, thats too big for me/you can't possibly think of eating the whole thing/I won't finish that/won't you feel sick?' type eater, so I think deep down she still wants to control me a bit?

I just wondered if anyone elses Mum did stuff like this to their kids? or to them?

I don't think it's control, I think she wants to feel needed and to still have some input into your life.

My mum is similar.

Meh, people like dressing babies. Lets face itbwe can't do it for long.......i'd let it go. And if she's taking her out let her choose what she's wearing. Couldnt get hung up over this.

I get it from my MIL.

She is massively sensitive to heat, has the thermostat to 25 degrees all year around, whereas I am known to wear a vest outdoors in winter.

She will constantly offer me slippers, scarfs etc when I'm at hers, even though it feels like a sauna, and all I ever get for Christmas and birthdays is more bloody scarves and wraps. It comes from a loving place, but flipping hell, it's annoying.

Once she insisted I put my warm winter coat on to drive home and I had to pull over down the road as it constricted my arms.

I used the latest wool wrap as a throw, and she looked honestly puzzled but didn't say anything, bless her.

She's playing dolls with a real life child.
Laugh at her and give her permission to do what she wants.

It does seem quirky... maybe she just likes to have some input/impact in the lives of the people she cares about most... that it's her way of showing she cares..? (That you're not going to freeze to death, that DD is comfy even though she was before).

As for the eating (I detest the food police), maybe a "all the more for me", "just watch me" or "challenge accepted!" will make her realise that you aren't taking those comments seriously...

Or have an awful "opposite" outfit for DD ready for her to put on... "well, you did insist on fluorescent leggings..."

My DM is similar but not nearly so extreme. She doesn't change DS for example and she likes to buy us all clothes but she usually checks with us first. I'm not going to turn down Boden and Lands End clothes for DS and I as she knows I save up for particular things, but I wouldn't like it if she bought stuff without asking first. Although she does sometimes and it can be very hard to graciously refuse.

She does have a tendency to comment on our weight/hair/hobbies etc. She hates Dsis shopping in Primark and that I enjoy good food (I'm a bit overweight but not obese) and does make little digs, but I've found ways of shutting her down or just time her out.

Some Mums can't let go. I know mine can't and she's said as much recently. Things DSis and I do are alien to her as DF manages everything for her, so she exerts control where she can. Sometimes I feel a bit sorry for her really.

Hmm, maybe I will just say yes, unless it impacts me getting out of the house (such as today - asking for leggings as I was leaving).

And maybe she is sensitive to heat so wonders how I am not.... but it happens in the cold too so I just think shes maybe being needy. It Is annoying though. Really annoying.

I dont want to piss her off as she does get prickly if I shut her nonsense down though. I will let DD choose her outfit next time. She is 5, so of course it should be completely fabulous!

Rhoda, I find that a bit sad really. Maybe its correct though.

I'm not overweight it's more a sense of 'women shouldn't enjoy their food' from her. like its a bit distasteful. She hates that I drink pints. That sort of stuff.

I am very ungirly though so I get that she wants to play dress up with my daughter, as I certainly never let her put me in a dress past 5. I wear dresses every day now weirdly!