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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to change bridesmaid dress for evening wedding reception?

45 replies

smthngStupid · 15/08/2017 11:52

I am shortly going to be a bridesmaid and unfortunately don't feel great in my dress (exposed arms etc). I am doing my best to low carb etc in 2 weeks prior to the wedding but will see.

Is it bad form to change into a new, eveningy dress for the wedding reception?

OP posts:

waitforitfdear · 15/08/2017 11:56

Think you need to ask the bride really

OuchBollocks · 15/08/2017 11:58

By the time the evening reception comes round surely you'll be pissed everyone will have seen your arms through the ceremony and meal and you'll have more or less forgotten you have then out as you'll have been in the dress for several hours?

thecatsthecats · 15/08/2017 11:59

I changed with my sister's permission, because the custom made dress she chose was beautiful, but kept my k-cup boobs under my bloody chin, and my back was starting to hurt.

Ask her. She might not mind.

kel1234 · 15/08/2017 12:00

I'm of the opinion that all bridal party members should change. Bride, groom, bridesmaids. I thought it was the done thing.
After the formalities, I got changed into my reception dress. My husband changed his shirt, my flower girl changed her dress. I let my bridesmaid know she could change if she wanted to. And men took off their ties and jackets, and ladies took off their jackets. All in all, everyone was more comfortable and relaxed.

MyKingdomForBrie · 15/08/2017 12:00

One of my BM's did this, didn't mind in the least, but a couple of other people noticed and were offended/upset on my behalf - so I'd say talk to her in case she is of the upset/offended variety!

BannedFromNarnia · 15/08/2017 12:04

Only way is to ask the bride. But I would have thought it was a bit bad form, yes.

That said my bms chose their own dresses to avoid the 'I hate this dress' issue so it would have been a bit odd for mine to suddenly go off and change!

MidnightAura · 15/08/2017 12:05

I wouldn't have minded had one of my bridesmaids changed. I didn't change of course! I loved my dress. I was sad when I had to take it off!

LisaSimpsonsbff · 15/08/2017 12:08

I also think you need to ask her - but that, assuming you didn't tell her at the time that you felt uncomfortable in the dress, I'd tread lightly - it would be quite upsetting to have your friend suddenly reveal they don't like the dress you've picked for them when it was too late to change it. I'd feel guilty and embarrassed about it if I'd inadvertently made a friend feel uncomfortable (which is exactly why my bridesmaids chose their own dresses with my money, so that couldn't happen). I'd probably come up with another reason (hard to dance in?) rather than tell her that you want to get out off the dress asap. Of course, this is assuming you didn't make your discomfort clear at the time of purchase. If you did and she insisted you wear a dress you find unflattering anyway, then screw her and do what you like!

MelvinThePenguin · 15/08/2017 12:08

I did it (bride was my SIL) and my bridesmaid did it (same SIL). Nobody minded at all. I'd check with the bride though or "accidentally" spill a lot of water down yourself if she's a bridezilla.

GrumpyInsomniac · 15/08/2017 12:13

I'd check with the bride and consider a little white lie about how you'd hate for your lovely dress to be spoiled at the evening reception.

Or find a wrap or shrug or something you can throw on over the dress and just say you're feeling a little chilly.

Jaxhog · 15/08/2017 12:20

Ask if the bridal party are changing for the evening. If not, get yourself a nice pashmina.

MaroonPencil · 15/08/2017 12:20

As a bride I would have been a bt upset because it would show that you didn't like your bridesmaid dress and I would have hoped you would have said something to me before we bought it - I would hate to think of my bridesmaids in dresses they didn't like.

And, slightly more shallowly, I would be narked because what's the point of me shelling out for a bridesmaid dress if you don't wear it the whole day? Wouldn't admit to that in real life but would be thinking it.

MrsMeeseeks · 15/08/2017 12:23

Could you just cover up your exposed arms for the evening with a jacket or wrap?

Allthebestnamesareused · 15/08/2017 12:23

How many bridesmaids are there? Are there people coming for the evening do? If they are arriving at say 7pm she may want you to leave it to say 7.30 so that people coming in the evening can see what the bridesmaid were wearing.

QuimReaper · 15/08/2017 12:24

I'm of the opinion that all bridal party members should change. Bride, groom, bridesmaids. I thought it was the done thing.

What?! I've sometimes seen the bride change but I've never been to a wedding where the groom and everyone else did!

A friend of mine went to a wedding recently where the bridesmaid changed out of her dress the instant the ceremony was over. Friend said everyone noticed and was confused, apparently it was a beautiful dress. She may have spilt something on it or something, but I think word would have gone around. To me that's a bit much: it sounds like she resented the dress somehow and wanted to make a "thing" out of changing out of it as soon as possible. I doubt it would have been such a big deal if she'd worn it for most of the day and just changed to have a dance or something, especially if it was restrictive.

welshweasel · 15/08/2017 12:26

One of my bridesmaids was 5 months pregnant so she changed into something that fitted better after the photos. She had made a real effort to get something the same colour which was lovely of her, not that I would have minded. If any of the others had wanted to change, of course I'd have said yes, but I'd have been a bit upset that they obviously hated the dress that much that they couldn't wear it for one day.

TheCraicDealer · 15/08/2017 12:31

TBH after the trials and tribulations involved in finding dresses (two styles fgs!) that suited all four of my bridesmaids, plus the alterations and costs involved, I'd be pretty annoyed if you changed. I'm not kidding myself they're dresses they'd all pick if they had free rein, but it would be quite hurtful given the lengths I've gone to to make sure they're all at least comfortable. If you picked and paid for the BM dress yourself or were forced to act as a BM then fair enough if you want to change, but under most circumstances I'd think it was pretty rude tbh.

Sparklingbrook · 15/08/2017 12:41

I think the bride has final say in this as PPs have said.

And also as PPs have said everyone will have seen your arms already. It's a shame you are having to wear a BM dress you aren't really comfortable with.

ludothedog · 15/08/2017 12:44

I'm sorry but it says to me that you don't like the dress. If I was the bride I would be insulted. Also evening guests want to see the bridal party in their outfits. They would miss that if you changed.

countrybump · 15/08/2017 12:48

Can you ask the bride if you can add a wrap to your outfit? Can you be honest with her and let her know you are self conscious about your arms and would prefer to cover them? Maybe it's not too late to have something made up in the same material to the dress?

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/08/2017 12:54

My bridesmaids changed before the speeches, which I was a bit about. They were cousins and only 18 so I didn't make a fuss. I did mention it when giving the gifts to them (during the speeches) that the guests probably wouldn't recognise them .

I'd ask the bride. I don't think after the speeches should be an issue. Before is a bit early.

Emboo19 · 15/08/2017 12:58

I changed out of mine at my mums wedding, but not until about 10pm I was pregnant and just fed up of going to the bathroom in a long dress. My mum ended up changing herself and was in pretty casual stuff as she hasn't packed anything to specifically change into.

If you think the bride will be ok with it ask her, or just wait a bit into the evening do and then fake a spilt drink or something and go change.

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 15/08/2017 13:01

2 of my bridesmaids changed, 2 didn't. I didn't mind either way. I'm BM next year for one who changed, I will ask her what she wants me to do. I like the dress but might be nice to freshen up at put a new outfit on after a long day.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 15/08/2017 13:21

People who are suggesting the 'accidental' spill - surely that means OP will have to be in normal day clothes (ones that she could plausibly have for the next day or whatever), while everyone else is in dressed up wedding stuff? She can hardly be all 'oh no, I've knocked red wine down me! Luckily I just happen to have my favourite cocktail dress in my handbag!'

MelvinThePenguin · 15/08/2017 13:27

Lisasimpson, personally I was joking. I wouldn't be a bridesmaid to a bridezilla who would be offended at me asking if I could make myself more comfortable.

However, it depends on the person and their sense of style. Some of my day clothes could work for an evening reception. Anyway, it's eminently sensible to have a change on hand isn't it? I always would but that might be my refluxy baby's fault

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