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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want an enormous dog jumping all over my DS?

27 replies

Lalalax3 · 15/08/2017 11:03

SiL has a huge designer dog, and insists on it being 'part of the family' (attending all BBQ, visits, etc) she even refers to it as her 'little boy'. But this 'little boy' is barely trained and dashes all over the place, barrelling into my 3 yo DS. SiL thinks it's funny and says 'Oh (name of dog) be nice to your COUSIN' but refuses to shut said dog away or leave it at home because it has anxiety issues. MiL caught the dog standing over my DS on the floor and pulled it off, it wasn't being aggressive but who knows what could have escalated? DS isn't terrified of the dog but definitely does not like it barging into him, and neither do I!

Now to the main problem. She's getting ANOTHER ONE. So I can see a future of family gatherings stretching forward where my DS is treated like a skittle. Is it unreasonable to request them to be tethered or sequestered somewhere? We're trying for another baby and I have no idea how they'd be around that!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lalalax3 · 15/08/2017 11:05

Also, should point out. I really like dogs. Honestly I do, it's not a dog thing. It's just these enormous boisterous hounds!

OP posts:
passmethewineplease · 15/08/2017 11:10

Yanbu.

All dogs should be trained. Maybe if he were trained properly he might not have separation anxiety.

Unfortunately you always get these types of owners. Training should be mandatory.

DJBaggySmalls · 15/08/2017 11:14

YANBU. I've had dogs my whole life and I train them to be pleasant company. My default setting is that I dont trust other peoples dogs around my kids

BusterGonad · 15/08/2017 11:15

That would really piss me off too.

JuicyStrawberry · 15/08/2017 11:16

She sounds deranged. Does she really refer to your DS as its cousin? Confused

Orangebird69 · 15/08/2017 11:17

Yanbu BUT in the instance of your MIL finding the dog standing over yet ds, yabu (or whoever was in charge of yor ds) for not supervising your ds around the dog well enough.

dollydaydream114 · 15/08/2017 11:18

I love dogs and but a large, boisterous dog needs to be be under control around other people and she is mad to be thinking about getting another one if she can't manage to train the one she's got. YANBU.

LakieLady · 15/08/2017 11:24

YANBU. Your sister is the sort of dog owner who gives other dog owners a bad name.

I have had 3 dogs, and I am quite proud to say that none of them have ever knocked anyone over, except for me, and that was only once and it was me, and drink-related. Blush

If I can achieve that, and 2 of those dogs were of a terrier breed that is notorious for being naughty and difficult to train, your SIL has no excuse.

Are they labradoodles, by any chance? They are lovely dogs, but a disproportionate number of them seem to be owned by twats.

CabernetSauvignyoni · 15/08/2017 11:26

MiL caught the dog standing over my DS on the floor and pulled it off, it wasn't being aggressive but who knows what could have escalated?

Who was supposed to be watching your Ds that let it get to this point?

Yes SIL should absolutely keep the dog(s) under control, and YANBU at all for wanting her to deal with it properly, but since she isn't, your Ds should be kept away from the dog where possible and exceptionally closely supervised where not, precisely so instances like ^ don't happen.

Questioningeverything · 15/08/2017 11:27

Shit that's dangerous. I'm afraid I'd be refusing to bring ds to gatherings unless dog is not present. She can't be trusted to lock it away and out of ds reach.
Couldn't care less if the dog was trained and not being boisterous, but the fact that it is would make me seriously uneasy and cause me to put firm boundaries in place.

And if she referred to her dog as my child's cousin I'd loudly say
'It's a fucking DOG not a child, it's a pet not a baby. Treat it like an animal that it is. Calling it ds' cousin, you sound bloody insane'

sororitynoise · 15/08/2017 11:41

Totally agree with everything ^^@questioningeverything will say

No doubt the dog obsessives will be around to tell you YABU though and dogs have human right

flickertee · 15/08/2017 11:51

What breed is the dog? DSis needs to get it trained! I love dogs and have one myself but I will NEVER trust it enough to leave with a child not properly supervised

RubaDubMum89 · 15/08/2017 12:06

YANBU. You would also be quite within the bounds of reason to tell her she either leaves the dog(s) at home or doesn't come to the gathering. Or to tell others that if the dogs will be present at someone else's house you won't be going

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 15/08/2017 17:25

Dog is a large and trendy working breed. We are expected to treat it as family.

MiL was supervising DS watching TV and popped off to put the kettle on, the dog got inside (where it shouldn't have been). MiL was back within seconds and obvs kicked the dog out. I know it only take a few seconds for a dog to savage a child, but we really did think it was secured outside.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lalalax3 · 15/08/2017 17:27

Oh and she's buying the new one to try and calm the current one down. I know, I know... you don't even need to say it...

OP posts:
MadamPince · 15/08/2017 17:30

She's unreasonable for calling your DS her dog's coursin Hmm

We have a silly thing if a dog who generally listens well but can be stupidly overexcited and energetic - we make sure she's on a lead around strange children and sits nicely if they ask to pet her as we don't want anybody getting bowled over. Totally not unreasonable to expect people to keep their pets under control.

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 15/08/2017 17:32

I just don't know how to move forward. She won't understand why we are uneasy about her dog, despite admitting it needs training. It's her baby.

OP posts:
stitchglitched · 15/08/2017 17:34

I would be telling the ILs that we wouldn't be visiting with DS any time the dog was going to be there. See which one of her 'grandkids' she picks.

BertrandRussell · 15/08/2017 17:36

"Yanbu BUT in the instance of your MIL finding the dog standing over yet ds, yabu (or whoever was in charge of yor ds) for not supervising your ds around the dog well enough."

Absolutely. Poor little doggy. He'll get all repressed and introverted. I would go NC with your mil for being so incredibly insensitive towards her granddog.

MadMags · 15/08/2017 17:36

What's a large, designer dog?!

Unfortunately you can't do anything about SIL's deranged behaviour, but you can do something about your reaction to it.

So, if she won't keep it away from your ds, keep your ds away from it. If MIL doesn't like that, she'll have to set some ground rules.

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 15/08/2017 17:40

It's a large sporting/hunting dog. Not comfortable identifying the breed on here. SiL almost certainly isn't on Mumsnet but her friends might be.

OP posts:
abigailgabble · 15/08/2017 17:50

stupid and annoying. YANBU! and i am a lifelong dog lover, regardless of that they need to stay as away from my baby, and your baby! Angry my mum's hapless labrador likes to remove people's socks with his mouth. very charming lol lol lol yes yes yes now get that mouth away from my baby Angry

abigailgabble · 15/08/2017 17:53

also people who have dogs instead of children really boil my piss. it is not the same. my demented ex manager used to (lightheartedly Hmm)^^ complain about how she as a horse owner didn't get the same treatment as parents. she's since been sacked (for something different but similarly self centred and irrational)

Hillingdon · 15/08/2017 17:54

I do think you sound a tiny bit 'precious snowflake'. And I honestly think you don't like dogs. You sound like my SIL. Pretends to love dogs but doesn't.

Having said that. Its unacceptable for dogs to knock over young people. We had a BIG dog and we ended up trying the 'alpha roll'. Sorry dog lovers but it worked. Dog never jumped up again!

5moreminutes · 15/08/2017 17:57

Is it an "Irish Mastiff" Hmm

We had a family member like this. She actually had human children too, but the dog outranked them Hmm The dog bit one of my children the first time we encountered it (in the home of another family member, not the dog's home - we didn't know the dog was even present til the dog owner opened door of room we were in and dog ran in in front of her, which was the first we knew of it being in the building) and the owner said this was the child (toddler's) fault, and my fault for not having taught the toddler (under two at the time) to stay still in the presence of dogs. The dog was totally untrained and it turned out had bitten/ badly nipped (drawn blood, in one case a lot of blood and through jeans but not full on attacks) other family members and family friends - adults and older children who had been persuaded that they were at fault and not to make a fuss.

We did as Ruba suggested and said if the dog is at gatherings (not at its own house, but gatherings at other family members houses) we will not be attending. However it did not go well and we were just lied to - or rather elderly family members were told that it wasn't fair not to let the dog attend because it was a family member too, so we'd be told the dog wouldn't be there, and then lol and behold it would be there when we arrived, having travelled a long distance. Then when I complained I was a trouble maker trying to upset the elderly relative...

These people are impossible to reason with and are always the victim even when their dogs are hurting other people. It is an impossible one to solve without upset.

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