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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to get so annoyed about not being listened to?

14 replies

RosieLig · 15/08/2017 07:54

I need some perspective on this as I'm get increasingly annoyed about it!

My DH is great in many ways. However he often doesn't listen when I tell him stuff - mainly day to day logistics. I could talk to him about childcare logistics (we both work), get the childcare sorted, tell him what's happening and the next day he'll say so what's happening next week with the kids?

Or I'll tell him what I'm doing tomorrow and an hour later he'll say "what are you doing tomorrow?"

It's really causing an issue as I get quite angry with him and I hate feeling like that. I've told him it's disrespectful to just not pay attention. If he knows he's distracted when I'm telling him things then he should just say -"give me a minute".

He's got a full on job and seems to manage fine there! It's got to the stage where I've started speaking to him like a child when I'm telling him something important -"are you listening?" Etc... 😬😬😬😳😳 I hate how I sound.

So AIBU??!!!

OP posts:
sooperdooper · 15/08/2017 07:57

yanbu, that's really bloody annoying!

Fairybella · 15/08/2017 07:57

Oh my god are you me??
My partner is the say. I'm sick of say "we have talked about this already!"
It's driving me crazy... it's horrible to not be heard.
We have started using a calendar to communicate plans etc. Except he forgets to put his on and I'm meant to just know!

KimmySchmidt1 · 15/08/2017 07:58

Why don't you email it from work instead so he has it to hand? That's what we do - works much better and means we don't have to remember stuff when we are tired at home after a long day and trying to relax.

Would you tell somebody something a true work they needed to Remember or would you out it in their diary/email t to them?

Don't take this issue as a personal sleight on how profoundly he respects and listens to, and do logistics properly in an effective way.

Original poster
RosieLig · 15/08/2017 07:59

Glad to know it's not just me. Maybe a calendar is a good idea! it's all in my head and phone as I organise everything but maybe a written calendar would help....

OP posts:
Original poster
RosieLig · 15/08/2017 08:02

Thanks Kimmy -good advice. I don't normally have time at work but could email him in the evening. Some stuff he doesn't actually need to know- like what I'm doing with the kids tomorrow (I'm on holiday). I just feel bad when he looks so sad after I've bitten his head off again and am sat there fuming (again!)

OP posts:
cricketballs · 15/08/2017 08:05

Agree with calendar - everything goes on there and it's in full view in the kitchen

LittleCandle · 15/08/2017 08:05

XH never bothered to remember anything. I had a calendar by the phone that everything important was written on and he couldn't be arsed to look at it. I remember one time asking him if he had booked the car's service and MOT and he went off on a tangent about how I hadn't told him it was due that week when he was the one who had offered to organise it. We had a blazing row and I opted to stay in bed, meaning he had to get up to get the kids out to school for a change. He did later apologise because the kids had asked him when the car was getting the MOT. However, as a general rule, he never bothered to remember anything because that was my job.

It did come in handy when I bought something new or if I had genuinely forgotten to tell him something, as he accepted that I told him things and he didn't bother to remember. 'Nothing is that important' he would say as I nagged about the gas bill...

Madwoman5 · 15/08/2017 08:09

Mine has been doing this for 25 years. There is never a "good time" to discuss daily grind. Pisses me off too.

goodnessidontknow · 15/08/2017 08:10

We have a shared Google calendar that gets updated by us both. If its not in the diary its not happening! We religiously take 5 minutes on a Sunday evening to review plans for the upcoming week so we're all on the same page.
It helps encourage a sharing of the mental load as we can discuss what is happening when we're both focused.
As a pp said, it means there is always a reference without having to try and remember when tired and avoids the "I've already told you" broken record!

napmeistergeneral · 15/08/2017 08:10

He has outsourced his remembering to you, as well as the actual doing. I find this infuriating. My DH is more than competent at managing his work commitments and schedule yet becomes (tries to get away with being) incompetent as soon as it comes to family stuff. Ultimately he's not making any effort to remember because he doesn't think he has to.

nomorebabiesyet · 15/08/2017 08:10

Reverse it. When he tells you something pretend to have no idea! See his reaction then say "i did know but when you thought i hadnt listened to you it was very frustrating, isn't it!?"

DontOpenDeadInside · 15/08/2017 08:14

My DP does this. We work together and I deal with appointments and I will say, "X has booked for next Tuesday at 10am". Then on Monday I'll say don't forget X in the morning, and he'll be like "what? You never told me!". And makes me out to be a liar. Does my fricking head in.

Original poster
RosieLig · 15/08/2017 08:25

We have a pretty even share of admin -he does all the financials and house stuff and I organise our social life and the children.

Napmeister- that's just how I feel! Not sure how to change things as I've already spoken to him about and he was apologetic. Still does it though.... maybe a calendar is the way to go. Extra work for me though! 😬

OP posts:
WhatsGoingOnEh · 15/08/2017 08:29

I read this phrase on MN a few years ago: "A husband is a best friend who never listens to a word you say."

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