What do I do?

[Realjournal123]

Just had dinner with awkward eater 13 ur old. She deliberately drops small amount of food on the floor as she doesn't want to finish her plate, then again drops peas by the nin(o had washed floor 2 hours earlier). She can be so difficult when it's healthy food and I had been trying to persuade her to finish the veg. So anyway o make her clean up the mess and an argument starts and she shouts at me' nobody likes you,go away, we don't like you' . My DP was there and never opened his mouth! I said it would have been nice if you had stepped in and he said he didn't want to get involved. Involved, she is his daughter and she is very rude to me regularly and I've asked h to speak with her on many occasions but he never does. So now if he doesn't reprimand her, then perhaps it's true that my own family can't stand me. It's my birthday soon and it'll be awkward as hell with this as I really don't feel like celebrating with them. I do so much for my family . Nothing is too much for my 2 daughters and I completely pander to them with whatever they want. I'm strict when I need to be though. - oh god, so o silk or carry on and not let her see she's affecting me, or do I be pissed off with DP for not supporting me?

Your partner should have stuck up for you. Parenting should be a team effort and by not doing anything, he kind of undermined you.

I don't know what to suggest but perhaps work on the pandering/strict ratio! You maybe need to set firmer boundaries. Kids and teens who are used to getting their own way will flare up when faced with someone/something getting in the way of that. You have to be consistent, where possible.

What would happen if she saw it was affecting you? If you broke down, would she feel guilty? Or would it spur her on to feel like you'll always back down in the end?

Re the food thing, forcing her to eat veg at this age will not go down well and could create some negative associations. Might be better to decide on a compromise and then perhaps as she gets a bit older (and realises all her friends eat veg and she's the odd one out) will change her tune.

He might not be getting involved because he doesn't agree that you should be controlling what she eats to the extent that you are.

You should be giving her more of a say in what she does and doesn't eat.

If you want an honest opinion,you sound like a Martyr and overly dramatic.

H should support you but to police a 13 year olds eating is unreasonable.

Pick your battles she's growing up and monitoring her meals is strange and controlling. Sorry she shouldn't be rude to you but she must be frustrated and embaressed.

Ask what your dh thinks.

As your useless dh didn't feel the need to stuck up for you, you need to do it yourself. Tell her that if she continues to be rude to you, you will remove phone/internet/tv/tablet, and bloody well mean it.

Ignore the food issue, get her to take a multi vitamin and chill on that front. But throwing food on the floor is not acceptable, and neither is rudeness. One warning then removal of privileges.

I would stop running yourself ragged for your kids too as this one obviously doesn't appreciate it! She sounds utterly spoilt.

Why does your 13 year old feel a need to drop food to the floor so she doesn't have to eat it? That's something I vaguely remember doing in kindergarten because that was the only time I was forced to eat things I hated.

Why don't you just tell her to put her food in the compost if she doesn't want it?

Or, not to put so much on her plate in the first place.

A teen will not drop dead from not eating enough vegetable for a couple of months. Relax. As long as she isn't actively dieting, and it doesn't sound like it, she won't be harmed.

If you feel no one appreciates you, go for a holiday on your birthday and the days around it. Perhaps that will cause your DP to step up his parenting, seeing as he'll not have you there to do it for him.

I was asking her to eat her veg because at the moment she has a bad case of eczema. I'm trying to keep it natural without steroids etc and I was advised to up her intake of greens. She understands why I'm doing this and I don't normally force her to eat them. She has a terrible sugar craving which has taken me months to curb, so I don't buy sweet things much. I don't treat her like a child, quite the reverse.

My dds had eczema badly too and to be honest nothing made much difference except the steroids used periodically.

At 13 you need her cooperation really and if she won't eat greens she won't. Forcing the issue causing upset could make her eczema worse. Totally see your points op and she needs to respect you but my advice is back off.

Pick your Battles going forward and get some cooperation from your dh.

13 is a horrible age honestly they get better

Cutting out milk stopped ds's eczema. I eat veg but it doesn't clear mine. Only steroid cream and Aveeno works for me.

If she liked greens, she'd eat them. Treating her eczema 'naturally' isn't going to work if doing so relies on her having to eat food she finds unpleasant. I wouldn't want to do it either. Can you not get her an appropriate vitamin/mineral supplement she can just swallow as a tablet? Or just let her have a topical steroid cream, which would probably actually work.

Her behaviour re dropping food on the floor is bratty and unacceptable but nagging a 13-year-old to eat her peas is treating her like a baby, and I think that's why she's behaving like one. 13 is a rotten age for a lot of kids anyway and let's face it, she's probably grumpy about her eczema, grumpy about a fun-free, veg-heavy diet with none of her favourite sugary treats, and grumpy about, well, just about being 13.

I'm not saying it was OK for her to behave the way she did, but I can see how it arose. I'd choose your battles a bit more carefully.

I completely pander to them with whatever they want

yes, and this is why she is behaving like this. she is 13. she is pushing the boundaries. she wants to be in control of things and food is the one thing she can control very easily.

stop pandering. give her the control of her condition. explain to her you have eczema. this is how I would like to try and help you get it under control. if she wont do it then you have to say Ok we need to try something else now.

serve up a healthy meal, one you know she likes. if she doesn't eat it, clear it away and that's it, no snacks, no pandering.

if she throws food on the floor, wait to the end of the meal, give her a dustpan and brush and make her clear it up. if she wont, take something off of her like her phone or the internet for a day. actions and consequences. and yes, she will say she hates you because for once she isn't getting her own way.

and I bet she does no chores, doesn't sort her own washing out or hoover her room. you need to stop babying her and help her to become a grown up.

Does DD have any say in how her eczema is treated or have you made all the decisions for her?

Spiteful - no, we are working on things together actually. I'm worried sick about the eczema as she is scarred all over her body with it. It doesn't help you being critical of me. We are organising a diet free of wheat, dairy, colours, salycilate free- you name it and it's bloody difficult. I'm trying my best but not seeing any results and it's getting worse. She says she will eat things them when they're in front of her she refuses or eats 6 peas! I'm more upset about what came out of her mouth as I found it totally nasty and unwarranted. She's not spoilt and she regularly helps me with chores. It s that and the fact that nobody stuck for me or said a word to her that upset me the most- nor am I a martyr or a drama queen. Just a mum trying to do her best but having it all thrown in her face, unappreciated and unsupported.

Next time she says something like that, and DH won't stick up for you, make it very clear that you won't be spoken to like this in your own home. If she's being ungrateful then stop helping - let her and her mum sort out her skin problem (I agree with you btw - kids who eat healthily eventually find that excezma fades). I would also suggest your DH gets all her treats from now on - just take a step back for a sec. She'll soon realize how much you actually do for her.