I'm being a mardy bum. Come and get all Aibu on it.

[OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow]

So, today is our wedding anniversary. We don't usually bother, but it's a big one. (You know-the great train robbers got less, type of thing) we are on holiday, but not away.We decided last week we'd have a day at the seaside, not because of anniversary, just because, dd is home and has a day off too. I got dh a little token, that means a bit to us sentimentally. He was taken aback, and said thank you and I didn't need too. (You know where this is going.) So, we've been out, lovely day, fish and chips. I said what do you fancy for tea, don't mind something light. He's buggered off to do his hobby, leaving me to it. Not a bunch of flowers, a little token when out (I was looking at something, he ignored me) He's told me he loves me, but that's it. I'm having a little mardy, lump in throat, cry.
Come and tell me to woman up and not expect it to be any different to any other year because it's just a load of sentimental crap. (He's great at birthdays and Christmas btw, just not anniversaries.)

You don't make a big deal of anniversaries, he's great with Christmas and birthdays. YABA tiny bit U.

Bless you OP. I totally sympathise with you, but if he's good at birthdays and Christmas maybe suggest something extra special that you want this year to make up for it!

Feel your pain OP. I don't think DH would remember the date of ours now if I asked him. To be fair it happens to be at a time of year when we have so many other "events" in the diary - DS's birthday is 2 days later for example and it is shortly after Valentines Day - but it would still be nice to have it"marked" somehow.

So this is a lesson for your "next" marriage - start as you mean to go on! Kick up enough of a fuss with the first and he will never forget a subsequent one.

Buy yourself something you like.

It's our 20th anniversary the year after next and this is most definitely what I will be doing if nothing else is forthcoming

I only remember my anniversary date because it's also my big DB's birthday (and a last of the month which helps). We don't buy each other anything (although sometimes a card) unless we happen to see something the other would like -although not hit a "milestone" yet. DH would happily go and do his "hobby" for part of the day if the weather was favourable and other days were not.

So long as they're not generally lax I think it's okay.

What's the hobby? (I know I'm missing the point but all the top-secret hobbies make me v nosy)

I'd rather be loved every day than have grand gestures on high days and holidays.

If you don't usually buy each other a gift for your anniversary, he probably just didn't think that one was warranted just because this anniversary is a 'big one'. If he's great at birthdays and Christmas he obviously does make an effort and isn't the thoughtless type, so he was probably genuinely taken aback that you suddenly decided to mark this one with a gift. I can see why you're disappointed but it doesn't sound like he's actually been a twat. I think next time you need to say in advance "I know we don't usually celebrate, but shall we do something special for our anniversary year? I'd really like to get you something so maybe we could go for a meal and exchange a little gift." Not spontaneous, but at least there's no room for confusion.

You deserved to be a teen, tiny bit miffed, but please don't be mardy!

LTB

But seriously, tell him you need a gift. And tell him what to buy. Men don't do subtle hints. You actually have to lead the horse to the water.

It's difficult isn't it?

On one hand your saying you know you so t do gifts and he's great in others ways yet on the other hand part of you hopes he'll do it anyway!

So I guess you need to lower your expectations to what you actually expect iyswim? Either that or tell him you've changed your mind and want a gift

Could you tell him you feel let down and would've liked more fuss?

Morning, thanks for not being too stern with me. It wasn't even the gift (lack of) it was more him ignoring the significance of it, i would have been happy for him to say something about it, bit of romance. He did know, because we were talking about it and the fact that our marriage lasted longer than both our parents'. Oh well, never mind, big girl pants on one leg at a time and get on with life.
Now what rude word shall I shave into his head later?