Child being bullied by parent - was there anything I could/should have done?

[ReanimatedSGB]

I was walking home from the shop, ahead of me were a man and a young child (maybe around 4 years old). The man was telling the child off. He wasn't shouting or making inappropriate threats and there was no indication that he was going to hit the child - but what he was saying was awful.
It was a lot of' your grandmother thinks you're the most horrible child she's ever seen, why are you so badly behaved, no one likes you. They won't have you in their house any more because you're so horrible.' On and on and on, and the child was crying.

I know, technically, that isn't 'abuse' and I can't imagine I'd get any kind of useful response if I reported it (also, no idea who they are or where they live) - but what would the rest of you have done? Anything?

How horrible. That's the sort of thing children remember when they grow up. :(

I'd have followed the bastard and then reported him to SS for emotional abuse.

That really is awful, the poor child. Sounds like he gets his kicks out of bullying those who can't defend themselves. I remember seeing a mum in our Morrisons cafe long while ago saying nasty things about her DD. I thought about it a lot afterwards, felt so sorry for the little girl.

There are 4 types of abuse - physical, sexual, emotional abuse and neglect. This sounds very much to me like emotional abuse - telling a child they're worthless etc.

I experienced stuff like this on a regular basis growing up.. now in my 30s with zero sense of self, a string of failed relationships, high-achieving-but-messed-up life behind me, very socially avoidant, weird behaviours and feelings bordering on suicidal.. probably need therapy for a few years to sort out my head if ever. And my parents would never even now see their role in this. Wish someone had referred us to social services, in some ways.

Trouble is the parent probably sees himself as doing the child a favour by putting them straight etc, they don't see it as bullying.

I knew it wasn't right and I felt so sorry for the kid, but I just didn't know what I could have done. Can't see any way in which speaking to the man wouldn't have been met with 'Fuck off you interfering bitch' or something along those lines.
My DS is sometimes naughty and I will say something like, 'you have behaved badly, you did [thing] and that wasn't nice' but never 'you are bad/horrible etc.'
In a way the fact that the man's tone of voice was so... level made it worse.

"I know, technically, that isn't 'abuse'"

It sounds like emotional abuse.

But I agree that there was probably little you could have done, OP, that wouldn't have resulted in the parent turning on you, or the child being treated even worse in the long run

Agree.

I have to have training in safeguarding every three years and this is a classic case of emotional abuse.

There is very little you could have done except have said something and simply accept he would have told you to fuck off but at least then you made him aware that others are witnesses to what he is doing and shaming him - whether he accepts this or not - and gives a message to the child that HE is in the wrong not them. But that's hindsight and hindsight is a wonderful thing! not

If it was me, I would have accepted beforehand the consequences of my comment being a tirade of verbal abuse. But at least it gives the message to the child that someone is out there, on their side, and looking after their interests.

TBH emotional abuse is probably the most common of 'all the abuses'. People do it without realising that their actions come under that umbrella.

It is abuse but I doubt saying anything would have helped, and more likely to make it worse, because an emotionally abusive cunt like that would probably just then blame the child for making a spectacle of themselves and pile on further abuse.

I would have restrained my first instinct to abuse him with a heavy blunt object and followed the fucker so I could report him.

Sounds like someone at the absolute end of their tether. The child's behaviour must be really, really challenging for his own grandmother to ban him from her home. Think about how difficult parenting that child might be.

I would only term this emotional abuse if it was happening constantly, which you cannot tell from just seeing him once. People do rant and say things they don't mean when they get severely stressed. There are loads of posts on MN where the OP details how bad they feel about something they said to their child as a one off when they were stressed and couldn't take anymore.

So I'm on the fence, can't tell if he is abusive.

I don't think you should have interfered. If he was aggressive he may have physically or verbally abused you and on the other hand if this was a one off and he had a serious load of life shit to deal with, he might have felt like going and hanging himself after getting a bollocking from a stranger on top of everything else.

I have an autistic child and one of the worst things about it isn't the autism,it's the judgement of me and the child from random strangers. Not for saying stuff like the Op describes, more for the behaviour in public of said child. But still, judgements of strangers are pretty horrible

The child's behaviour must be really, really challenging for his own grandmother to ban him from her home. Think about how difficult parenting that child might be.

That's not the way emotional abuse works. It's entirely possible the child has done little/nothing wrong, for example light answering back, which is normal child behaviour or simply stated their preference for/against something where the adult doesn't permit dissenting views from them. Those are the kind of circumstances under which similar was said to me. It's more about the parent projecting onto the child who is weaker/powerless to fight back.

End of his tether my arse. If he was punching that poor child would it also be ok because he might be having a tough time? Nothing gives any parent the right to take out their inadequacies on their child. The grandparent is yet another abuse enabler if they agree with this shit treatment.

And sorry, but if you want to take it to the extreme of suicide, then I'd risk the parents over the child's future suicide as a result of being abused.

eleven nobody has any right to judge you or anyone else based on what your child does or doesn't do. But we should all judge a parent emotionally abusing a child more harshly, not less harshly, than we would judge a man punching his wife down the street. Not enabling it because poor diddums parent might be having a hard time.

"I know technically it isn't abuse".

That's the thing though. It is abuse.
The saying sticks and stones. Is bull shit. Words cut to the bone.

He wasn't at the end of his teather at all. To be at the end of your teather is to scream and shout. I can understand someone getting to be the point. Where they lose it and start shouting, but that was just cruelty.
Poor little boy.

There was a similar post to this a day or so ago, when a the OP had seen a woman in the supermarket shouting at and smacking her daughter. I added to the post too, because that same day I had seen a boy of about 8 or so being horribly spoken to by his granny.
I'm ashamed to say that all I did was glare at her, but I felt so sorry for the little boy - he looked so sad and dejected.

I saw something much worse and posted it in behaviour/development but nobody commented - really distressing to see and horrific experience for the child. Not sure how to link.

witnessed a well dressed middle aged couple scream in the face of a girl (about7) in their charge over a scooter (probably preceded by truculent behaviour not witnessed). I don't think they were parents as seemed a bit older.
The girl walking in tears and furious and probably on the edge at this point.
The woman then battled the girl for the scooter, stamped on the foot bar, removed it, pulled the girls arm up and smacked her "soundly" then shouted that was it, they were going home. So far so awful. My 13 yo dd looked at me and said do not get involved in a panicked voice. (We were in the car across the road)
Next as the girl was hitting out against both adults the man gripped the back of her neck and dragged her in to the side of the pavement, twisted her arm and the 2 adults were ranting about bad behaviour and having to go home. My dd said the man then hit the girl but I never saw that. I was scared to get involved as though people were staring and someone must have reacted as I saw the man bite something over his shoulder at the person, we were typically British and froze. I drove past and saw the situation continue in the same vein as they marched to the car. We agreed I should. All 101.
If people can do that in broad daylight I dread to think what could happen at home. (I am haunted by the number of people who questioned the boys who stop James Bulger but am worried I may have overstepped the mark) I am no paragon of virtue and have suffered plenty of tantrums over the years and handled some better than others,but both of us feel shocked at what we saw 😔