Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for wanting to drop a friend because the way she treats her child?

16 replies

livysmum · 29/03/2007 19:38

right, sounds way out there but one of my best friends is about 6 months pregnant and is smoking like the same she always has...like 5 cigs an hour and i've asked her not to smoke around my 7 month old and when we were in her car doing things she was so stressed she HAD to have one. the window was down but it was chilly for my daughter i imagine, hence now the running nose and cough.

its just so frustrating to watch and let happen ya know. what would you do in my shoes. i mean even when her baby is born she plans to Breast feed and still smoke. how wrong is that????

OP posts:
Twiglett · 29/03/2007 19:41

I wouldn't be anywhere near someone who smoked around children if I'm honest .. I think its disgusting

Taylormamaloveslindtbunnies · 29/03/2007 19:42

she knows it is bad for her health to smoke and her baby's but she is doing it anyway ... she probably wouldn't quit even if you did drop her but i do think it is totally reasonable for her NOT to smoke near you or your DD for any reason, no matter how stressed she is - that is totally selfish IMHO

WinkyWinkola · 29/03/2007 19:43

I'd not let her round my kid smoking. No way. Not with the window open or anything.

What a TOTAL loser she is, for smoking when pg. I'd buy her some nicorette gum and print out some scary stats on smoking's effects on babies. If she takes no notice, then I wouldn't fall out with her but I'd carefully explain that I wouldn't want my child exposed to smoke.

Have you spoken to her about it? Nobody should smoke about babies/children. Out of order.

Furball · 29/03/2007 19:44

If she can't a) respect your and your daughters health as you have actually asked her not to, never mind her and her baby then I think you are quite right to wanting to knock it on the head relationship wise.

madame · 29/03/2007 19:45

Hi Livysmum

I would be as put out by this as you are. I think if she is pregnant and still insisting on smoking then you just have to accept that it's her choice as wrong as it is.........However whether she smokes around your child is YOUR choice. Totally unacceptable.....nobody needs to have a fag, I used to smoke and didn't even start agin the day my mum died so i can say that.
Your child comes first not your friends feelings. If she is a good friend then she will understand, if she is put out then who needs a friend like that....

BigEggLittleEgg · 29/03/2007 19:47

I got peed off with our builders recently for all smoking just outside my back door, with door open, while DS was having his lunch 3ft away.

I know smoking is an addiction, and it can be hard to give up, but she doesn't sound like she is trying to or even wants to. I would not be impressed AT ALL with any friend of mine who smoked in front of DS.

Dump her!

Emskilou · 29/03/2007 19:48

I agree with twiglett (I'm not an ex smoker just hate it with a passion) slightly off topic when I was in hospital with dd this week, there was a newborn baby girl 3 weeks old maximum in the room opposite us, she has breathing difficulties and was constantly coughing and wheezing. Parents are allowed to stay with their children 24 hours a day, the parents of this little baby girl, stayed for a maximum of 2 hours a day, they said it was too stressful and was doing their head in. In that 2 hours they had 8 cigarette breaks together, neither stayed with their baby whilst the other went and they stank when they came back on the ward. Made me sick.

Lovecat · 29/03/2007 19:49

Selfish behaviour, but then smokers are selfish .

My OH once didn't speak to me between Watford Gap and the M11 because I refused to let him have a fag in the car when we were driving dd home... I was the bad guy! Go figure...

Unfortunately I can't get rid of him that easily and at least he doesn't smoke in the house, but committed smokers (and she certainly sounds like one - smoking while bf? Yeuch!) tend to have their own perverse logic to justify just about anything in pursuit of their addiction, and I doubt she'll change for your child if she won't change for her own.

If you've asked her not to smoke around your child and she still lights up, I'd drop her like a brick and I'd tell her that was why I was doing so.

powder28 · 29/03/2007 19:49

Is she the sort of friend you can be really blatantly honest with?
If so tell her you dont like her smoking around you or your child, and that it actually really upsets you that she is putting her unborn child in danger.
If she values your friendship she might try to quit. If not then the friend ship will fizzle out anyway.

warthog · 29/03/2007 19:50

that's truly horrible emskilou!

i would find it seriously difficult to be around someone that smoked. in fact, don't have any smoking friends.

BigEggLittleEgg · 29/03/2007 19:50

emskilou!

powder28 · 29/03/2007 19:53

Im not a smoker but i do understand its hard to quit.
I know its hard to quit because my dh smokes and even seeing his mother dying of lung cancer wasnt enough to stop him. It terrified me into never doing it though.

Emskilou · 29/03/2007 19:53

I thought I was seeing things as I was a little bit fragile, but no they were actually behaving that way, when they were there they were constantly texting on their phones when the nurse asked them to turn their phones off the mum said 'Oh ffs!' and the dad said as the nurse was leaving 'Silly c**t'

I feel so sorry for that little baby I know she is still there tonight all alone and probably needing a cuddle but not getting one so sad

squeakybub · 29/03/2007 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BassMama · 29/03/2007 19:54

I am a smoker. I am a pretty heavy smoker.

I stopped completely when I was pregnant.
I do not smoke in te house.
I do not smoke around DS.
I do not smoke (generally) around other peoples children.
I HATE seeing pregnant women smoke.

You are not being unreasonable. To smoke in the car with your DD is unacceptable. BUT, when you are outside, in the fresh air, you have to understand that other people do smoke, and will not be doing much harm to your child. No more than car exhaust fumes for example.

It is very hard for people to stop smoking. It IS an addiction. I dont think it is fair to expect people not to smoke outside..

BUT - I do agree with most of the other posters - se is clearly not respecting yuour wishes to not smoke around YOUR child, so i'd end the friendship. (But i'd make sure she knew it was because she was disrespecting me, not becasue she actually smoked, IYKWIM.)

Emskilou · 29/03/2007 19:54

Ooops aplogies for not replying properly livysmum, I think you should tell her where to go and to learn a little respect for life, everyone elses around her and the one growing inside her.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page