Mean Girls (and Mom too!) birthday party

[fountpleasant]

A couple of weeks ago, a friend’s 11 y/o daughter ”G” was invited to a b-day party of one of her closest friends, “M.” Five of them were supposed to all go to an Escape The Room event (sort of like a mystery with clues) then go back to the b-day girl’s home for a sleep-over. M’s mom texted G’s family saying plans had changed and it would only be a sleep-over at 7 pm.

On the party evening, M’s mom sent texts saying they were running late as they had been to a ‘small event,’ and that they would pick G up instead of her being dropped off.

G came home looking ashen the next morning. The 4 others spent all night talking about how fun the Escape the Room event had been. G said that M was the one who kept bringing it up (!) and would give an ‘evil look’ over at her to see how she was reacting. One of them let slip that it wasn’t due to a guest limit by the event organizers.
There had been an extra empty spot.

In the morning M arranged for the girl’s to go out in the neighborhood and everyone was assigned a bike or scooter but M made G run behind them. There was no birthday cake/song at the sleepover and M’s mom made the excuse that she had forgotten to serve it but who forgets that at their daughter’s b-day? Can only assume they must have had the cake and song at the event.

G asked M why she had been left out and was told it was because she was ‘too competitive,’ because G had won at LaserBall the last time the girls had gone out together.

Since then G has been suffering from depression and has isolated, not wanting to call or see friends at all.

I’m shocked and, dare I say it, disgusted not just at what the birthday girl did but that the Mom would let her daughter practice such poor sportsmanship and that they would invite one child to the ‘after party’ to be the odd man out.

G’s parents are stunned that M’s Mom didn’t give them a head’s up as they would have come up with an alternate plan (“family movie night” or something ) to keep G home that night so that she would not have to be shamed and hurt like that.

Today M’s mom texted inviting G to go to Velocity Sports with M.
G’s Dad said yes, but G’s Mom doesn’t want her to go because she doesn’t want her child to be exposed to people who have the potential to be cruel without qualm. Is she being unreasonable? She wants her child to be a forgiving person but not a doormat for abusive people and how to protect her child from this girl and her mom?

So sorry this is so long!

Dump M. Arrange something 1-1 with any of the other three.

Dump M. Arrange something 1-1 with any of the other three.

OP, I see from your posts that G and M go to the same school. G's parents need to alert the school to the possibility of this sort of behaviour occuring when the girls start back.

I spent most of my primary school years bullied in this way at school and when the girl got the chance at home. Her mother however would put a stop to it if she saw anything going on. I have a lasting reminder of the girl in the form of an unset broken finger from when I was about ten. She hit my hand with a spade and I was too frightened to make a fuss.

When we moved to where we are living now, just over a year ago, DD2 was 5. She was so happy to see some other girls playing out on our cul de sac, that she went out and introduced herself. At first they seemed like lovely girls, and I was very pleased that DD2 seemed to be settling in so well and making friends already. But very quickly the girls started to show their true colours. They are both a couple of years older than DD2 and are allowed to do and wear more 'grown up' things than I allow DD2. So she looks up to them as the 'cool' kids. When they are being nice to her they are very nice - usually it's when the ringleader has no one else out to play with, then she's so kind and lovely to DD2. But when the other girl or any other kids are around, she can be very nasty to her. For example writing 'we hate DD' on our garden patio in chalk. Or making her eat berried they'd told her were poisonous. Or offering her 'lemonade' but it really being soapy water. Or just telling her she can't play anymore (even though they're playing on our front door step!) so she can 'go now'. It's gotten such that I just don't let DD2 play with them any more, but there are sometimes when she is begging to be allowed to play with them. Because she sees them all out there through our front window and of course want's to join in and be part of the gang. It's so cruel and so upsetting. And I'm shocked at how young this kind of meanness can begin. M's parents should be ashamed of themselves for allowing their daughter to uninvite G from the party but still allow her to invite her to the after part.

M's parent lied to g's parents. Why woulf you ever trust them with your child again??? And tell them no to any invites as "we cant trust M or m's parents to tell the truth and not be cruel." Maybe them seeing it like that will be a wake up call. I doubt it. But why pretty it up. They acted hotribly theres no need to be nice to them in return.

Agree that it is horrible behaviour.

Is there any genuine concern over G being too competitive or a particularly bad loser in game situations? I don't think it justifies her treatment at all, but the Escape Rooms don't allow for any adult supervision (unless an adult is in there too, and it sounds as though there wasn't space for G's mum) and I wonder if there may have been some genuine concern that G would be particularly competitive or not deal well with being frustrated at working out clues. It might be worth talking to M's mum and asking whether there was anything you were not told about the situation at the LaserBall, for example. Just a slightly different perspective because Escape Rooms generally isn't a situation where an adult can intervene to deal with any difficult situations or tensions.

I still don't think it in any way justifies it, because the proper way to deal even with genuine concerns would have been to talk to you about it beforehand.

What a nasty bunch of people, Ms parents should be shamed, they are going to raise a mean and nasty adult, if they continue. G is better without the lot of them, I am glad they declined the invite, what was done, was disgraceful. Mother colluded in this, to leave out a child from her precious princess party, and helped make a little girl feel like Rubbish. I woukd not trust them with my child again, the way they behaved. G will meet new and nicer friends in the future. Time to support G in putting those friendships in the past and looking forward.

The way M was treating G afterwards, talking about the event constantly in front of her, and smirking, is downright nasty and mean, I would not want my child having friends like that.

Scooters and bikes being assigned to everyone but G, and M making G run behind them, M sounds like a nasty spiteful little bully. I bet she will be set up even more at the velocity ball. The mum is a good indicator of how her dd will grow up to, so beware. Tbh I would cut off the lot of them as they will be probably connected to M and pass information to her, and start fresh.

Look at it this way, M is a bully, I woukd not be encouraging friendships with bullies, would you! She hasent even apologised or her mother, cut from the same cloth..

Wow, 'M's parents should be ashamed they were allowed to be bullied into accommodating these demands and actually lying about them too. What example does this set to their children?!

And 11 years old?! Sounds more like 7 year old behaviour.

PS. Escape Rooms you work as a team together, so not sure how the competitiveness would be a hindrance!!

'It's scary how the opinions of peers have so much disproportionate weight, and so the objective comments from strangers here will be great. G's parents have showed her a few of your responses already and she got a good giggle and her eyes brightened'

Some Dc behave atrociously, their parents can be either oblivious or deluded. I would, rather than showing her responses on here just focus on other friends and distancing her from this toxic M and her gormless parents.

NewPapaGuinea - In theory you are supposed to work as a team, but when I went it was full of competitive colleagues who hoarded clues so that they could solve them, or who spent the evening bragging about having solved something first! I didn't enjoy it much because of that. But as I said, no excuse whatsoever for the behaviour towards an 11 year old girl anyway.