To feel my shit health handed me a life sentence?

[FxxxdUp]

I'm okay in the day to day, but can never seem to achieve anything. I feel like my life never got off the starting black. Combination of bad health since childhood, depression on and off since teens, growing up in a difficult family situation.

I'm in my 30's now. I don't ever see myself owning a property, and am scared I will never be working in an interesting job, or able to work full time, or anything.

When things are bad I just get through the days. I've been in pain, feeling sick and completely exhausted for several weeks, plus trying to juggle low level depression. now today and yesterday feel better. Once I start feeling physically better I get so unhappy and frustrrated at the amount of down time spent ticking the days off doing the basics - eating reasonably, washing myself, laundry.

I'm fine but at my wit's end a little today and needed to talk. I don't have many friends, most have faded away and those I do have left I don't have anything to talk about with really. At least it feels like that. I see my family once a year or so, we are not close as such.

Dunno what to do. I take meds for depression and it's mostly well controlled and the psyciatrist discharged me back to gp because I'm doing well. Really not up for a series of rollarcoaster rides trying out new pills, I took ones before that made me very sick and frightened me. They made me feel like I was losing my mind completely!

I'm also scared of getting fat as I had an eating disorder in the past after steroids as a teen made me heavier. Last thing I need is to start hating my body again, I have a good relationship with how I look and with eating at the moment.

I hear you. My chronic illness is getting me down a lot at the moment, the relentless never having energy, nothing getting done, always feeling lousy is very hard to handle. My house gets into a terrible mess because I don't have the energy to do anything, even put basic stuff away, when it's a bad patch and i'm in survival mode. And I comfort eat like mad when I'm really miserable and eating is about the only pleasure left!

And I'm currently that I can't fly, will probably never be able to fly and everyone I know is lounging by pools and beaches with alcohol (which I can't have either) on gorgeous holidays while I'm stuck on the sofa in the drizzling rain. Gah.

It sucks, you are not wrong. I work on the whole being positive, enjoy what I can do and can have, not fixate on what I can't, live at a slower pace and cope with the mess, but in a bad patch it's really, really not easy.

I admire you working on your eating well, that's a really good thing to do and must take a lot of mental strength when you're feeling lousy.

Thanks, MissHavisham. It's good to feel heard and that someone gets it, but it is sad that there's lots of us out there, too.

Went for a walk earlier. It feels good to have done something but feeling so down about my wasted life I was almost crying in the street walking home

I'm sorry you can't fly, btw - why is that? if it's not too personal a question. I haven't heard of this before.

Fully understand you there! I'm 35, have life long conditions and live with chronic pain. Most day to day tasks are a challenge. I've found acceptance near impossible, despite having counselling. I'm about to start a Mindfulness course, which I hope will help. It may be worth looking into, there's plenty of YouTube videos.

Op have you asked about counselling?

I've been seriously ill for nearly two years and i'm having NHS counselling to help me cope with being disabled. I know you've seen a psychiatrist, but were you given any type of talking therapy?

It would help with your feelings of "having a wasted life".

When you are living with a MH or physical disability, comparison really is the thief of joy. I envy your ability to go for a walk. I am fat and that is really bothering me.

But people who haven't had my issues are fatter than me, so i'm not the worst that I could be, iyswim.

I have a blood pressure issue Fxx , I get dizzy to the point of passing out and throwing up in a lift or on a bus, so a plane and that much gravity is not going to work!

The walking is good. There's a medieval abbey near where I live with gardens around it, and when I'm feeling lousy the peace and the beauty of that place helps. The rose garden at the garden centre works well too. Sometimes when the pain is really bad, walking very gently around a warm garden centre to look at flowers and sniff scented candles is exercise without it being too much to handle. Where do you like to walk? What helps you feel more relaxed?

I think I really must try counselling again. I've done it in the past several times, well more therapy really. It made everything a lot worse and I concluded I have the wrong personality type for it, but - I need to try something.

Maybe talking to a professional will help, in this stage of life I'm in now. I certainly feel like I don't have many people to talk to so that in itself would be good.

I am drowning quietly.

MissHavisham, I'm so sorry to hear of your blood pressure issues.

Rose garden sounds wonderful.

I walk around the city streets. It's a beautiful part of town, but I grew up in the country and I do miss it. It feels so impossible to engineer a move away to somewhere I want to live, I don't have the money. I miss animals especially.

There are many different types of counselling and therapy, it's worth doing some shopping around to find the approach and then the right person doing that approach that fits for you and what you need.

It sounds like you have the long term plan that you'd like to move to somewhere in the country - and that's great. You may not have the money now in the short term. Do you ever get to go explore the places you would like to think about living?

I'm glad you have some beautiful parts of town near you.

Maybe you just didn't find the right therapist for talking therapy before? It does really matter, finding someone you click with.

Well done for getting it together to go for a walk, even if you did feel down on the way back. I expect getting exercise has both long-term and short-term benefits: are there other kinds of exercise you can realistically do sometimes and would enjoy? Swimming? Dancing? Yoga?

I was in a gentle exercise routine for a few months, then it stared causing me pain. Also an odd unwell feeling, like when you bang your funny bone, but through my whole body. That really frustrated me, and I left off exercising. That's a few weeks ago.

That really got me down because I thought it was helping me for a while, making me fitter and strengthening my joints. But I got so sick of my body not even able to do the gentlest of movements. FFS.