To move further away

[roseanya]

Mother has Serious illness (not terminal but unable to do much for herself at all) dad (elderly) is her carer. I live about 1hr away by bus (2 busses) or 10/15 minute car journey. I get over to help when I can but as I don't drive it's not always practical. I often feel guilty as my dad needs more help and they both love to see me.

I have had an awful 1.5 hour journey each way for my course (mature student) for the past 2 years.

Lease is coming up and husband (and I) want us to move closer to my university for my last year, to an area where I will have a half hour or less commute. However this takes me a good hour and a half plus on public transport from my parents.

My brother is being a bit bitchy about it, implying it's really selfish. And a friend, when I mentioned that we were looking at new flats and houses, immediately presumed we were looking to move closer to my parents. I felt awful.

I don't know what to do.

You need to move, overall you will gain more free time with which you can help out.

YANBU, it would still be manageable to visit them and you might even be more inclinded to do so if your daily commute is less tiring than it currently is.
I wouldn't involve your brother in the decision, would he ask for your opinion if he wanted to move? What if he meets someone and wants to move near her, would you feel like you have a say? I guess not, and also that he might not see why you should have one.

Seeing as you'd be attending the course five days a week, I think it'd make perfect sense to move closer to the college. It'd drive me bonkers doing the longer commute twice a day, five times a week.

Your father is being very unreasonable to refuse outside help. Selfish actually. He can either accept the carers or do all the work himself. It's not fair to rely on family members when there is a perfectly reasonable alternative in the form of paid carers.

I didn't mean to imply he is single, so therefore needs their company. I meant that he enjoys popping in for a coffee or a sandwich as he lives alone. He works from home and organises his own schedule so doesn't need to formally take time off from work to take them to appointments.

I agree that they are in some ways quite lucky, one of us is always thinking of them or doing something to help out. But they were good parents so it's only what they deserve. I am starting to think I need to put my own life first though, and not feel so guilty about it.