Not to want to start again at 47

[LEMtheoriginal]

I am so pathetic I don't know where to start.

I should be at a stage in life where I'm starting to enjoy the fruits of my labour. Except I'm not - I'm on the breach of having to retrain (3yr on the job) into a position with little or no progression but I DO love my job day to day I need a bit of paper to say I can do it properly.

I should have done this year's ago but I went down the academic route. I did well - no idea how! I got a PhD. after that everything went wrong. PND bereavement. Illness. 11 years later and I'm starting over - the level I'll be training at is a level so everyone assumes I'll walk it -im not so sure!!!

My Dh is horrified that I am doing this as there is no earning potential - qualified starting salary of 18k he thinks I should be earning more. Keeps trying to push me into teaching and I don't want to be a teacher!! All respect to those that can but I taught in college and was good at the actual teaching but not so much all the admin et and it precipitated a 2nd breakdown. It's just not for me.

it doesn't help that there has been a seismic shift in management at work making the decision to commit for 4 years quite scary.

I'M good at my job but being non qualified holds me back although ironically I won't earn any more on qualification.

We have a 20yo car. It's a good car but getting to the end of it's useful life and no funds to replace.

Crippling mortgage due to financial difficulties got into when I was "ill" and unable to work - his behind being SAHM. No credit available to us now . Ever.

I see colleagues off on foreign holidays. New houses/cars and happy families and I realise just how pathetic I am.

My grown up dd is struggling with depression and refuses to let me help - dh says I have to just be there for her. She lives with long term dp. and jump in when/if aasked. Only contact really is via Facebook messenger and that is sporadic (this is killing me but too painful to discuss so I can't talk about it).

I've no friends or social life and I feel like a massive failure. As dh (dp but together 25 years) says I should be earning ££££ and we shouldn't be struggling. He is self employed but I never supported the business enough and it's floundering and never brought in enough anyway.

He says we should be relaxing now not starting again. He is right but I can't see any other options -otger than not get out of bed ever again. This is very attractive -i hate myself to the nth degree. I'm a fuck up

I would second the suggestion for scientific writing- retrain etc as you suggest and start this freelance on the side until you build up some experience then look for a full time role (some are even work from home). You are in the same place as many many people our age, no hope of retirement (probably ever ) and not earning enough to more than get by. Retrain and you start again at the bottom of the salary scale. Good luck

Career coaching isn't 'wanky' - at least there are recognised and challenging qualifications in career counselling and development. I found them
quite demanding when I did them.

Sooty sorry if I offended - I just so clueless and maybe it is something I should cinsider. I just don't want someone to say oooh you are brilliant when really I'm a bit (a lot) of a flop and need someone to be honest with me.

No you didn't offend, no problem. I was just pointing out that careers coaching qualifications are actually quite substantial and are accredited. Ask ifanyone you plan to work with has a level 6 qualification.

Isn't a career coach a bit wanky - in a life coach sort of way? Genuinely??or is it worth a go? I've NO IDEA what to do with my cv.

You will find many career coaches are chartered psychologists who have added on coach training. Yes, life coaches are not regulated like counsellors but if you choose a coach from an association like the www.Associationforcoaching.com they only register coaches with qualifications and training.

You need someone to work with you holistically, not pigeon hole you into a job. You need help with your self-esteem and work-life balance which are areas coaches work with.

I'm so sorry you feel this way, because you are by no means a failure. Most people would look at someone who went back and got a PhD as a massive success. It's not an easy thing to do!

If you want to get back in the lab, get back in the lab! Why don't you try to get a basic job as a demonstrator or technical assistant at your local university, and then try to network with the academics there into a Research Assistant post? (I am sure that you would be a good candidate for RA posts right now, actually, so you might not even have to start out as a tech). You sound like you are trapped more by your lack of confidence at going for stuff than by your actual lack of qualifications and skills.

So sorry to hear you're feeling so crappy about yourself. Sounds a similar story to mine and I have no happy ending to tell you about. Yet!!!

But can I suggest you try something which is really easy and can help change a negative mind set? Write down all the things you are grateful for. Such as having a daughter; being able to listen to music you love; having a roof over your head; hearing the birds tweeting in the morning... You get my drift. Yeah it all sounds a bit bloody daft but it's worth a try. It's amazing how quickly it can change your mindset. I remember when someone suggested I try it. I nearly choked on my coffee!! But it worked. It didn't change my financial situation, or the shitty XDH, but it made it easier to deal with. Now, when all the negative words creep into my head, I'm a failure, fat, ugly, no use to anyone, unemployable etc, I turn it around and mentally list all the things I'm grateful for. It hasn't got me a job yet, but at least I can smile and feel good about myself.

Have you used the tools on the National Careers Service website ? They do a skills assessment, give advice on retraining etc. Might be worth a look?

Thankyou again. I will def look at that website . I am interested in scientific writing so am going to look into that.

Although work now want me to decide by Wednesday and there are some more nasty surprises. I just wish I had more faith in myself

REading your post, it sounds like your job is the one thing that makes you happy. I wouldn't allow your OH to talk you into something that feels like the wrong direction. I'm your age with nothing to show for it. No degree even. Unemployed as well. But I was working until recently. Right now I'm staying still, trying to balance society's expectations with what will bring me joy. I want less of what makes me anxious. If you got a phd then you have a determination in you.

So can we have a recap? You definitely like your job? Work are paying for the course? What do you mean "more nasty surprises"?

Is there something else or another area you think you might reasonably get a job in? I'm 55 and having decided to stick with my existing career I am now struggling - so at 47 its important you get it right. I was never entirely happy in the career I "stuck" with but it seems like you are. Personally I'd be looking at how you can manage on that £18k and what money your husband can bring in.

Is it worth looking at an IVA so you can sort out money? Or sell up now if your kids have left? Again that's a decision we had to make - we decided to try to pay off on our own and looking back, I'm not sure we made the right decision but anyway, as I say, I can imagine myself at 47 looking at the options as you are, and choosing a different path.

I think reviewing where you are is a really good thing to do now, so this work issue has been a timely catalyst.

Ok, if you want to get the money rolling in you need to aim for some big pharma/biotech companies. Nobody is going to chuck your CV out if you've got a decent couple of science degrees. You need to spin anything you apply for as 'You wanted a change'- I reckon you should just try applying for some things.

I don't know if this will help, but all the people that I know who have changed career have really 'wanted it' and put 1000% in. I think that the job market is tough. Update your CV and LinkedIn and utilise all your contacts. Good luck

Bit of an update - it turns out I won't be contracted in to the company if I go to college. With that in mind I'm going to go for it. I think my main concern is closing doors and being trapped.

I am going to investigate the medical writing and see what happens there.

Thankyou again for not telling me to get over myself.

This maybe useful:
firstmedcommsjob.com