To be upset he was excluded

[lily88]

My son was playing with his friends on the street today there was about 7 of them playing all aged between 5/6/7. DH was watching them whilst he was doing the garden. My son who's 5 came back crying because one of the parents took the other children to the playground beside our estate but told my son he couldn't go. I would understand if the other children going were just the children of this parent but they weren't. I'm really sad that another parent would exclude a child like this. If I'm going to the playground myself the other children might tag along (obviously we check with their parents first) but I would never say to a child who's playing with my son no you can't come. I'm just wondering what people think of this?
I'm also wondering if my son did something to upset the family but I think I'd rather they approach us and tell us so we can deal with it rather than exclude him.

Maybe the dad knew all the other children and felt happy to take them. I wouldn't be happy taking a child I didn't know and being responsible for it.

Try not to take it to heart - there are any number of reasons as to why she may not have felt able to take your son. Maybe because it put the total number of children too high, maybe because she doesn't know him as well as the others, maybe because she was watching the others that afternoon, maybe because she felt he was too young. It's really unlikely to be something personal.

That's what I'm wondering too Jenny my husband only told me this evening and I've come up with a load of reasons why my son was excluded. I know the children as I'm at home most days.

I wouldn't take a child I didn't know to a playground -especially not a little 5 year old whose parents I had never/only briefly spoken to before. Maybe they had asked the other parents or made arrangements? Or maybe they wanted to go immediately and didn't want the bother of coming to find you to make arrangements? Who knows. Don't overthink it.

Is your DS the only 5 year old? It could have been that. Perhaps the mum was uneasy about taking a child so young somewhere he may not be allowed? If not and he wasn't the youngest then no, it was mean.

I'm not sure what you could do really. You could speak to her and tell her that if the occasion comes up again, he is allowed to go with his friends. This way she will know you are aware he was singled out and not taken.

Did they know if you would be ok with it?
Maybe they already knew it was ok to take the rest but your DS hadn't got permission from his parents so they left him behind. I wouldn't presume it was ok tbh

He wasn't the youngest 5 year old but the other 5 year old had an older sibling with them so maybe that's why he was excluded. I'm trying not to take it personal as I would hate ds to be excluded like that especially when we treat all the other kids equally

Don't be upset until you know the reason why he was excluded.

Perhaps the person didn't take your 5yo as they did not have your permission?

I can't understand why you think it's acceptable for another adult to take your 5yo off somewhere without your knowledge or consent

Why would you assume the other parent would just dissappear with your child and why are you dissapointed that they didn't?

Was that parent nominally in charge of all of the other DC, your DS joined in as he was on the street but the other parent thought he would/could/should stay with your DH?

Maybe this trip was already planned?
He wouldn't just go off with your kid randomly though.

yes I think it would have been a permission/knowing the parent thing.

Good chance to talk to your child about stranger danger, going off with people he doesn't know (I'm assuming he didn't actually know the parent who took all the other kids)

To be honest, I wouldn't really want my 5 year old going off to the playground with somebody I barely knew anyway -it is very small. My two were only at the unaccompanied playdate with people I knew very well at that stage. Maybe I'm a fussy bugger though!

Ds asked my DH was he allowed go and our neighbours kids also asked their Mum. When ds went back up to say he was allowed go the parent told him he wasn't allowed but took the others. If it was me or DH bringing the children we always check too with their parents plus I've their number too from inviting them to sons birthday ect

To be honest I can't imagine this scenario, if you wanted him to go, surely your dh could take him at this young age.

I can see why your upset I wouldn't exclude 1 child I couldn't. If I couldn't manage all I wouldn't take any. We live on a cauldosac with a similar situation loads of kids between 4 and 6 playing but all parents v friendly and on same page can't imagine any leaving 1 behind. If someone did I think it would be mentioned.

When ds went back up to say he was allowed go the parent told him he wasn't allowed

Would you take a 5yo anywhere when either of the parents hadn't appeared to confirm in person?
How many young kids could just say yes, my mum/dad said I can come?

There's various possibilities, on the reasonable and unreasonable side. But you won't know unless you ask the dad.

1. Not all went. It might appear that they all went, as the others might have gone to ask parents and their said. "no because you need to stay and tidy your room" or similar. So they all disappeared off, and you assumed they'd all gone with the dad, but actually it was only 3 7yos (or whatever)

1. He said "I'll can only take 5/6, whoever's back first". He may not have realised that only excluded one and just stated the number he felt comfortable taking.

1. Your ds has either recently or in the past done something that made him uncomfortable with taking him. Maybe had a strop upon leaving or run off or been silly on the pavement? I've certainly have friends of my dc that I would happily take to the park, and those I knew that wasn't a good idea as it would leave me hairless and witless from stress. Doesn't mean I don't like those children, but I would plan things that kept them contained for my own sanity.

1. You have done something that he doesn't like or implies you wouldn't be happy with your ds going off with him.

1. He said he would take the older ones/ones whose parents he knows don't mind. Younger siblings are slightly different as the older one will look after them.

1. He said he needed to speak to a parent rather than have a 5yo appear saying "yes, dad says that's okay". I've had the "oh yes, I told mum I was coming here." Luckily I had her phone number as she was already quite worried.

If generally the dad seems fine with them, then there probably is a reasonable explanation and the only way you'll find out is if you ask him.

Firstly, I think children aged 5,6 and 7 are far too young to be playing out in the street and only being supervised by someone doing gardening so not really watching out all the time. Also, why should a parent want to be responsible for a young child they may not know well and why on earth would you want a child of 5 to go off with some random group of kids and a parent from down the road!!!

Every time you read about a child being murdered or abducted they have not been properly supervised by an adult. A 5 year old should only be playing in the garden.

Thanks everyone for the replies. It's made me feel a bit better. It wasn't the fact we wanted ds to go to the playground other wise we would have brought him ourselves it was the fact he wasn't included. I wasn't there so again I don't know if DH has blown this out of proportion.