To be totally fucked off with "D"P?

[DMBoot]

DP came home very drunk last night after a work do. He was quite franky fucking horrible to me- he insulted me in front of his mother (who told him off) and was just behaving like a total sod before passing out.

Woke up this morning full of apologies, which I accepted as although he can be a bit of a twat with a drink in him he is never usually nasty. He knows how much he upset me and it has prompted me to speak up about other things that are upsetting me in our relationship.

I went out to an event with DS earlier and met DP for something to eat afterwards. I went home whilst he waited on for a drink with his parents, then another friend who turned up in the pub, then his dad came back for another and they ran into another friend who he shares a hobby with.

Long story short he is now out with said friend (not drinking) whilst I am at home, still upset from last night and he's acting like he couldn't give a shit.

He has asked "permission" for staying out longer which I refuse to forbid him from doing- in my mind if he gave a shit at all he would want to come home and not just do so because he's been narked into doing so.

He knows we have things to talk about and that i'm upset, yet four hours after he said he'd be home he's still out prioritising his friendships and having fun over our relationship and my feelings.

AIBU?

He is avoiding you as he doesn't want to talk about all the other stuff.

Perhaps you need to set aside another time for it as after a busy day and with a possibly hangover wasn't really the best timing.

But you're not really being unreasonable... get some sleep and arrange someone to watch your son tomorrow afternoon maybe?

Had you actually agreed with him that you would set aside this evening to talk about your relationship? Does he actually know that you're still upset? Maybe he thought you'd appreciate some time away from him, if he's been a twat. Also, he did ask you if you wanted him to come home, so he was obviously completely prepared to do so - if you said it was fine for him to stay out, I can see why he thinks it's OK to do so.

I can see why you're annoyed, but it also sounds like you're just expecting him to know things rather than actually telling him.

It's not that I'm trying to summon him home to talk, I just feel like after he upset me last night it would have been nice of him to come home when he said he would.

One of the things I said to him was that I feel like I'm always last on his list of priorities, which he fiercely denied, so this is just proving me right.

My ex used to do that which he is now my ex

He's not prioritising his friendship hes prioritising his drinking, if the friend he's with now left but another one arrived he'd carry on drinking until he's bored.

I hated giving "permission" to stay out, either you want to come home and be with me or you don't, and my ex obviously didn't, so now he's free to spend as much time in the pub as he likes

How often does your DP do this?

Ah he's avoiding the difficult conversation for as long as possible. Hoping you might forget it.

Yes. He should be back home with you. Imo he doesn't need another night out with mates.

He's not even out drinking any more (if he was i'd be telling him not to bother coming home at all). I think he's gone to this other friends house for a while.

It's the fact he said he was waiting on for one more with his parents then following me home. Then his friend turned up, then another then another. As opposed to just coming home when he'd said he would.

I generally don't mind him being out at his hobby or whatever but after the conversation we had this morning and how things were last night, I'm disappointed at his lack of effort.

I can see why you're hurt & angry.

Why don't you send him a text along the lines of 'If/when you come home, you can sleep on the couch. I'm far too pissed off with you to share a bed with you. You're an inconsiderate, selfish twat & IF you want to stay married, we need to talk, tomorrow'.

Then go to bed, close the door & starfish in bed. TRY to get some sleep.