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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do I just write it off and move on??

7 replies

yorkshireyummymummy · 12/08/2017 22:43

Hello! I'm pretty new on here, and I don't know what the etiquette is regarding asking for help but here goes ( please bear in mind I may not understand all abbreviations!!)
I moved to a small village 18 months ago with husband (DH?) and my ten yr old DD. Husband has recently been diagnosed autistic which explains a lot of the problems he has had over the years. As a consequence of his autism I don't have a social life and I only have a couple of friends now. Last year there was a village event and I ' made friends' with a woman who is similar aged and lives close by. We just gelled. We were not in and out of each other's pockets but over the last year we have been shopping/ out for coffee/out for lunch/ she has babysat/ drinks at each other's house/ Sunday lunch/ gone to local pub. We averaged seeing each other probably once a month/ maybe every 3 weeks. It was her birthday in March- I tried to organise going out in whatever capacity she liked but was brushed off with ' very busy' type comments. I duly took her a card and a present though. We haven't done anything together now for five months. I asked her in June - face to face- what I done as she had obviously fallen out with me. She denied it very quickly and changed the subject super fast. We were at a community meeting at the pub some weeks after that and she was fine with me. Anyway, it was my birthday last week and although I wasn't wanting/ expecting a present I did think I might get a card. Nothing. Not even a bloody perfunctory 'Happy birthday' on Facebook. So, my question is, AIBU to feel hurt? Do I just ignore it? Do I ask her again what her problem is? Or do I just write off the friendship ( if that's what it was)? I know it will piss me off if I can't get this sorted in my head. Any advice please?

OP posts:
CheckpointCharlie2 · 12/08/2017 22:46

I think people let each other down really often. Sounds like for whatever reason she doesn't want to be friends. Don't ask her again, onwards and upwards OP, YANBU to be hurt but not much you can do.

Her loss I think.

PollyFlint · 12/08/2017 22:50

YANBU to be a bit hurt, but you really just need to let it go. Sometimes friendships just aren't as equal as they seem and one person gets a lot more out of them than others - you probably didn't do one particular thing that offended her, maybe for her it just fizzled out.

I can see why you're upset and I really sympathise, but I don't think any good can come of dwelling on it.

Hassled · 12/08/2017 22:50

It sucks, and you'll probably never know why, but she's moved on. Some people are just a bit fickle. But what you've learnt from this is that you can make friends who you can have fun with - so do what you can to meet new people and try not to take this too personally. If it were something you'd said or done, you'd know.

yorkshireyummymummy · 12/08/2017 23:03

Thanks ladies. It's what I feared but I know you are all right. Move on and leave it behind I suppose. But it's jolly hard to make friends when you never go anywhere ( not working at the moment as Im waiting for an operation) .

OP posts:
Tapandgo · 12/08/2017 23:07

Her loss - move on. There is more people out there. To become friends with, even in small communities

MrsJamesAspey · 12/08/2017 23:11

One thing I've learnt over the years is some of the people who are most friendly and welcoming to begin with, are often the most fickle too and have a tendency to then move on to their next new best friend.

Don't take offence, keep being friendly when you see her and see if she can introduce you to some other people she knows and has previously dumped

Good luck in finding some other new friends

onemorecakeplease · 12/08/2017 23:15

I agree with the last post

Serial befriender

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