To say they can't come to our house again

[Theyaretakingthepiss]

Name changed as possibly outing.

DP works full time but is also pursuing musical ambitions. He is a musician but also writes, produces and records for others. We have a room in our home set up for this purpose. He is currently working with several people and tends to have 3 or 4 'sessions' a week of 4 to 5 hours. These are evenings and weekends. It quite full on and hard for me with 2 young children but we agree everything in advance.

Anyway he's started working with a guy who travels to us with his manager from a couple of hours away. DP offers to pick them up from the train station. The first time they don't make it but don't bother to say so until DP is already at the station waiting. The second time they messed up timing because they 'fell asleep' but again didn't inform until DP had already left to pick them up. They ended up arriving two hours later than originally planned (by taxi from the station). The third time was a test, if they mess around again then DP intended to cancel. But they arrived on time and they had a really productive time and DP was excited about working with them in the future.

Today they didn't turn up at the station when they said they would and simply haven't been in touch. Phone dead. DP waited almost an hour in case they were on the next train. Our time is precious and we plan carefully so all this impinges on family life as little as possible and I think they've already been beyond fucking thoughtless and rude and this latest incident is too much. I said I didn't think they should come again, it's too much now. DP says "we'll see".

I get he feels he can get a lot out of this (when they turn up that is) and it feels like an opportunity but I don't want to spend hours of our weekends fucking around waiting for people! If I'd known they weren't coming we would have done something nice as a family as whole days together are rare. We will still make the most of the afternoon but the morning has been a bust. AIBU to say they are no longer welcome? Everyone else he works with appears to not be totally up themselves and be able to arrive on time etc.

Are they paying him for his time? If so, he needs to have a policy of charging them for time wasted: eg booked hours are still to be paid for even if you don't show or are late.

Why not jusT say that he will no longer act as a taxi service and that if they don't arrive on time without prior notice then he will assume the session is cancelled and go out?

The hanging around for them is what is causing the issue.

They need to be getting taxis from the station at the very least. Even so your DP would still be waiting but at least he'd be at home.

Can he make them pay up front for his time? Otherwise I would say no way. They are selfish time wasters and why should you be put out. They havent even got the decency to send a message ffs!

I would put limiting conditions on them if they come again. They have to text or call once they are on the train, otherwise they won't be met at the station. If they don't make the train and your DH hasn't heard from them at least X mins before the train is due into the station then he will assume that they are not coming and will make other plans with you.

Basically you will assume that they are not coming and will act to suit yourselves unless they put the effort in to confirm that they are attending at the right time. That way you're not hanging around waiting to hear whether they're coming or not.

I agree with your DH charging them for his wasted time.
But they seem to have diva attitudes already, which bodes ill for any future working partnership, so I'd be keen to persuade your DP to dump them as well.

I can't bear this sort of "my time is so much more important than yours" attitude from anyone - it sucks.

Also not on because he could have worked with someone else that day, so more than just his time wasted.

He doesn't get paid for his time. Usually these are mutually beneficial arrangements. When he just records people he charges per track but writing and producing is helpful for his career chances too.

When will be the right time to start charging is a whole other thread

I'm not sure quite why he waited so long at the station this time round. I like the idea of making it clear if they're not in touch we will assume not coming. Though saying that, it still becomes time that can't be used for anything else until last minute. Hmm. Need to talk to DP more I guess I was so pissed off when he first got back and I think he took it as anger towards him which it really wasn't. Offering lifts definitely needs to stop though I agree.

I'd start charging these people.

What does the contract say?

Even if he doesn't charge, can he ask for a deposit that they get back if they show up?

So start building in contingency plans. X is coming on Saturday morning but if they don't show we'll take the kids swimming/go to b&q/visit your Mum etc

I wouldn't pick them up from the station. They can get a taxi in future, so if they don't show up at least your husband hasn't wasted that time and hasn't put himself out for them.

Is your DP a pushover or is the problem that he doesn't value family time? If it's the former then you can encourage him to be more assertive and add conditions around their arrangements as PPs have suggested. If he doesn't value family time then it's a completely different conversation that you need to have.

I have suggested what BlackAmericanNoSugar said, that they have to say when they're on their way and if they don't we do other stuff. And will put contingency plans in place as you suggested BenLui. DP seems on board with this. I said the boundary has to be fully implemented - if they show up having not told us then it has to be sorry I'm no longer available today otherwise it's pointless.

You're right WooWoo - I don't think that he doesn't value family time though, I think the issue is he both is a bit of a pushover and he really values his creative/musical time. It's a bit of sticking point that he perhaps values the two equally but feels we're always there whereas time to be involved with music is more limited and therefore needs to be grabbed with both hands. He also has a bit of an issue with productivity and wants to always be doing something useful and things like a walk on the beach perhaps seem less important. I did recently say that I feel time as a family unit is a productive thing, an investment in our children's happiness and he did seem to see that. I've made him sound like a right bastard He's really not.

HOWEVER

He's just told me more troubling stuff about this singer and his manager though. I forgot they were giving him £10 so at least the lifts haven't cost us. But the time they came in the taxi they jumped the taxi without paying... DP initially thought they didn't have the cash to pay as it's quite expensive from the station to ours. Still no excuse you bloody ask the taxi driver to stop at a cash point. But then later they said they couldn't give DP the £10 as they "only had twenties" which is not only the cheapest, cheekiest thing I've heard but also means they chose to jump the taxi as they had money - it wasn't a panicked spur of the moment mistake they regretted! They are quite young, very early twenties but not that much younger than us and I'd never dream of doing that.

They ran out on a taxi?

They lack integrity, I'd have serious doubts about doing any unpaid work for them. If they hit big they aren't going to deal fairly with him.

I agree. I have already said any songs released need to have the appropriate PRS percentages registered beforehand. But knowing about the taxi changes it all really

I'd be making sure there was a properly written and witnessed contract.

I had to check back to make sure you said DP and not DC. Sounds like your DP needs to take control of the situation himself.