To not know how to do this?

[LillyLollyLandy]

I am due back at work in 4 weeks. I have 3 kids, DD1 age 5, DS age 3 and DD2 7 months. I cannot seem to get them all to bed without tantrums, screaming and tears.

My dream is a nice, orderly procession of bath and then staggered bedtimes so that all 3 are asleep by 8. This would give me the chance to get some dinner, do laundry, see DH etc before having to get to bed myself.

The reality?

DD1 is a hideous sleep refuser who is often still awake at 9.30pm. She is an absolute nightmare who will scream, kick and basically try to bully me into letting her stay up as late as she wants. I love her dearly but I cannot stand her behaviour at bedtime and don't know what to do. We've tried all sorts, including meditation. Nothing works. She's starting Y1 after the summer and will be hideous if she's not getting enough sleep.

DS loves his sleep and will happily go to sleep by 7.30 provided he's had no nap, had some milk and some cuddles. Unfortunately he is very easily wound up into hysteria by DD1 and then has to be scraped from the ceiling into a sobbing, tired mess some time after 8.30.

DD2 is still very little, breast fed and kicks off massively if I dare put her down or leave her in her cot. She has 2 naps a day and is about to start at the childminder. She's started on solids but isn't all that impressed by them just yet.

DD1 and DS share a room at the top of the house (loft conversion), DD2 "sleeps" in the room next to me and DH on the first floor. All 3 are known to end up in our bed during the night and I am seriously worried about how we'll cope once I am doing 5am starts again. At the moment we are just about surviving because I'm home during the day and can get a quick nap in with DD2. DH is very hands on and more than pulls his weight with the children but he's knackered too, he works 12 hour days and comes home most nights around 9pm to DD1 screaming and tantrumming while i try to calm her down enough to sleep. He will then take her and let me get some dinner etc.

How do you all get your kids to bed?! Please help me....

Try story cds/special moving night light and leaving dd1 in her room say if she doesn't stay there the cds get taken away too. Will ds go to sleep in your bed and maybe move him later when ds1 is asleep? I got my littlest to stop needing cuddles to sleep by laying next to them with a hand on chest and gradually they needed less contact 💐 For you sleep deprivation in the worst and there's no instant solution all new things need time and patience and both are in short supply when you're not sleeping

For the 5 yo there would be consequences I'm afraid. Even.if she can't sleep she would need to.be quiet and in.bed looking at books and not disturbing her brother.
The little one I can't help with with sorry. 7 month olds choose their own schedule!

Oh man that's hard.

When I had a three year old and two one year olds we spentt £200 on a sleep consultant. Best thing ever - both of us parents on same page. She was brilliant and wrote a three page detailed minute by minute bedtime routine.

We used Andrea Grace as she isn't keen on a particular method and tailors to your lifestyle

If DS is movable once asleep, settle him in your bed until dd1 is asleep.

Tell dd1 she doesn't have to go to sleep but she has to play quietly in bed. Provide with books, soft toys and books on cd. Use a star chart with suitable small rewards for certain amount of days.

7 month old will do as she pleases!

Can you perhaps bring baby back into your room and give D'S his own room for the time being? That way at least he us asleep and will be good. That way DD1 can wind down perhaps reading or playing on her room before sleep. Both older kids are then out if your hair and you only have baby to cope with? Other option could be baby and D's share if you don't want her in your room. In a few months things may be different and year1 may exhaust her into sleeping and you could move them back?. Also have you thought about expressing milk now instead of latching? All the goodness but less reliant on cuddles?

Thank you all - some great ideas here that I will try!