Some of you would've probably read my previous posts about OH and my DP(arents) not getting along as they have all been in business together that went really wrong so might know a bit of the background.
I know my DPs often feel left out as my OHs parents live literally 1 min away from us so we rely on them for childcare between me going to work (I work evenings) and OH finishing his job (so for 1-2hrs mon-fri) and my DPs live 30mins away so it doesn't make sense to waste an hour each day driving my DS for an hours worth of babysitting before I can go to work.
I see my DPs once a week one a weekday from 10/10.30-3pm when they're both not working. We usually work out a day between us. I understand the whole situation is hard as I know this isn't how they've imagined being GPs but because of everything that's happened OH isn't happy for them to have DS on their own. I respect his decision. Also it's worth mentioning my DPs think they don't see DS enough.
Anyway to cut a long story short(er).
First it's worth mentioning that last week my DM called me once I got DS and DDog all ready and was already driving to see them to cancel on me as she has been called into work (she knew the night before but didn't bother dropping s text). I was ok with it and just rearranged to see them on another date.
This week I was supposed to see them on Thursday (yesterday). We're currently renovating the bathroom and our plumber wasn't very well on Wednesday (in hospital) and called to ask if he could rearrange and said he will see if he can make Thursday. We really need the bathroom done as its already taken a lot longer so I said yes and to let us know Thu morning.
I text my DPs (we have a whatsapp group) Wednesday night to let them know and said I might have to rearrange to Friday if that's ok and that I will let them know in the morning. My DF said it might be tricky as he already arranged his work and he's working Friday but to let him know.
Thursday morning plumber let me know he's still not well enough. It was about 9.55 so I text DPs saying I'll be there today just packing the bag. Got DS ready and was just about to leave when I got a text back from DM telling me to come Friday as DF has already changed his work around and is at work today.
Here's the texts that followed: (please bare with me I'm translating this from a different language)
Me: but I said I will let you know about today...
DM: but DF can't do things like that and already changed his work
Me: you could've let me know earlier. We might have the plasterer over tomorrow and the plumber might be here too but I'm not 100% yet. But if they're here I won't be able to make it.
DM: this is all funny(/ridiculous) if you don't want to don't come over then don't. You said Friday yourself.
I can't change my work around you
This is all starting to be very funny (/ridiculous).
Me: look at what I wrote yesterday, the plumber was at the hospital and wasn't sure wether he would make it. I said I will let you know in the morning as soon as I knew. If DF rearranged you could've dropped me a text.
If no one is coming tomorrow I will come over but if the tradesmen are here I probably won't make it as they really need to finish the bathroom. So we will have to see.
DM: then don't come.
I've had enough of games I can't arrange my work around you. If you have other arrangements just tell me. You were supposed to always be over on Mondays but that keeps changing! thetwocultures this has to end!
Followed by a call from my DF (who miraculously turned up at home???
) getting me to talk to my DM which meant he put her on the phone and I out up with a 30min rant and crying about EVERY SINGLE THING that's happened over the last year, accusing me of taking sides, of not teaching DS my native language, not bringing my DM a birthday card from my in laws and me (I brought the present and i apologised told them we moved everything from the kitchen into lounge for renovations and the cards are somewhere under all the stuff), bringing up everything my OH allegedly did when the business was still running, saying how I just listen to my OH and don't have my own opinion and just do what he tells me to do, saying I've changed, how they want to see DS more, how they feel like they're being pushed aside, saying if she has to she will go NC even though it will break her heart etc.
I stayed silent for most of it and she questioned that, I said she's brining up too many things at once and I don't know which one she wants me to address and I don't understand how this whole thing got triggered.
She carried on with more stuff and when I finally addressed some of it she got her back up and got confrontational, I repeated "I don't know what brought this on, I didn't make a big deal out of you cancelling on me when I was already driving over I just rearranged like an adult" she said "oh so that's how it is is it?!" And she went on to how I always defend OH (I don't) and how I should defend them too because they're my DPs etc. I hung up.
Heard nothing for the rest of the day. Got a text from DF (on his own private whatsapp) "I took a day off tomorrow, come over. Mum was a bit out of line"
I suspect my DM knows nothing about this and my DFs just trying to be the peacemaker. I have no intention of being in a hostile environment.
I didn't reply and didn't go over.
Had no contact from them today. Spoke to my DB who still lives with them and he confirmed my suspicions - they were drunk, yesterday at 10 am... DF never went to work (he's self employed btw so won't get in trouble). So they couldn't see their DGS because they were both drunk, not at work.
I feel like this will be another thing they attempt to brush under the carpet and minimalise. I feel like I shouldn't stand for it anymore. But I keep having wobbles and second thoughts that I've been U and I've not let them see their DGS today.
I have no intentions of contacting them until they contact me.
But it's hard.
My DF has a drinking problem and my DM allows it. He's on the verge of being a functioning alcoholic.
They both (DM especially) dramatise and embellish everything that gets said to them.
They feel like everyone is out to get them or against them. Everything some sort of conspiracy.
I'm 6months pregnant and cant be dealing with this. I have my own little family too.
I don't know what to do when they get in touch, I don't want to go NC but I feel like I have to take some firm steps.
I need a virtual hand hold...
I'm not BU am I?