To want to read some positive stories about faithful DH's/DP's?

[user1494426473]

I would consider myself happily married to a wonderful man. He's not perfect (or anywhere close) but then neither am I. We love one another and both do our best to support the other and try to talk through any differences we have.

Recently I can't help but feel a little sad and anxious about the number of MN's who are obviously going through very difficult times with their significant others, whether it be an affair, divorce, emotional/sexual betrayal, DV, unkindness or deep rooted personality differences. I feel deeply for anyone going through such a difficult event and it's very obvious that it could easily happen to any of us, but as someone who has only been married for a couple of years AIBU to ask to hear some positive stories from MN's whose DP/DH treats them well and still shows consideration and kindness after several years of being together?

My own DH travels a lot with work and has always been a very naturally engaging and outgoing person since we were teenagers who will happily chat away to anyone male or female. He has never given me any reason to think he has been unfaithful. I've always tended to view it as perfectly innocent and just part of his personality (in fact I admire how likeable and affable he is) but I'm not immune to worry when I see so many sad break up/cheating stories on here recently with comments such as "he works away, plenty of opportunity..." etc. Every now and then I get sucked in to the way of thinking "well I guess my own DH regularly has the opportunity...." and have to tell myself off for thinking the worst when he hasn't given me any reason to!

Would love to hear from MN's who have been with their DP/DH a long time and who despite having had "plenty of opportunity" have a loving and faithful relationship and still enjoy their SO's company :)

We've been married for 19 years nearly and actually got married after only 6 weeks together. I trust my husband and he trusts me. I travel for work, even having been away in China for 6 months! He also works away. I have no reason to believe he has been unfaithful. He's human, he's attracted to other women. I am attracted to other men. That's fine. We are adults and treat each other with respect. In the early days it is harder because it is easier to fall into jealousy and anxiety about the little things, but as you get older and grow together, you grow wiser and more understanding and a long-term, loving relationship is something which is priceless and worth working for and fighting for. Always.

Nice thread, as OP, we are both not perfect but I couldn't live without him and I trust him absolutely! I am more outgoing than him and have loads of friends from different parts of my life and am always meeting male friends for drinks. Some of my best friends are male. Doesn't bother my dh! There are lots of good men out there and I am horrified about some of the stories I read on here.

I'm not immune to worry when I see so many sad break up/cheating stories on here recently

I don't think many are totally immune to worry OP. Although a lot of posters will happily come on and say they trust their partners 100 million percent and they'd never cheat in a zillion years ect. To me it's pointless knowing how much a random trusts their partner.

I was married to my XH for 15 years. He didn't cheat. I've been with DH now for 12 years, married for 5. He's never cheated.

Would i trust that my DH would never want another woman? Nope. To be honest. I would like to think he'll love me and only me forever. He says he will. I like to think if he ever wanted another woman he would tell me and we can split up and then he can do what he wants/needs. But that's to do with respect for me and his DD, not trustworthyness.

I have a lovely boyfriend. He's not perfect but he's perfect for.

Personally, if I read lots of cheating threads in relationships I start to wonder all sorts so I try not to read them too much!

Can i just add - we're both jealous buggers and have agreed that if ever either of us are feeling twitchy then phones get handed over (they're always laying around passwordless anyway) without anger. We talk about it sometimes. So far it's never happened. The fact we're both on the same page helps.

Been together almost 14 years and married 11 of those. We've had some serious things hit us, my health was terrible for a while requiring a lot of recovery over the span of a few years - around 7 years ago now, I'm fully recovered. He picked up the slack, and we got through it. Equally, when things have been tricky for him, I do the same. It's all about teamwork and trust.
I don't care if he has female friends, and he doesn't care if I have male friends, they're exactly that, just friends. I'm not naive enough to say he's never been attracted to others, and I know I have, but that's as far as it goes. If we're out at a function together, we may spend the whole evening chatting to other people, but we always go home together, and that's what matters. We do fight, we discuss and we get pissed off at each other, but we sort it out afterwards.
I was very clear when we got together that cheating wouldn't be tolerated, and thankfully it's never been an issue. He works away, as do I occasionally, and it's easy to let thoughts squirrel away into your brain, but try to keep some perspective. The things posted here are here because of the nature of the forum, not because everyone is at it!
You can choose to trust your DH or not, but the outcome is always the same - if he's going to cheat then he's going to cheat whether you trust him or not. Don't torture yourself thinking about it, if there's no reason to. (Of course if you have suspicions then that's different!)

My husband and I have been together 12 years. We have a very even relationship and whilst it's not without it's stresses, it's a very good and happy marriage.

Neither of us travel etc for work but he'd easily have ample opportunity if he wanted to cheat but I trust him 100% - I have zero reason to think otherwise.

He's generous with his time and money, he's kind and and an excellent dad.

We laugh together, enjoy time alone, he's extremely affectionate, very loving etc.

It's not 'hard work' and I think that's key. When you start having to battle to find the good stuff it's a bad sign.

Also, the niggly/boring stuff: I know the password to his phone (and he mine) none on the computer etc. We have joint bank accounts as well as separate - I work part time but have equal say/control over money.

I think a really big thing is I've never ever had 'that feeling'. He's never been anywhere unexpectedly, he's never not-contactable, texts and calls when he's working late, etc but never because I've asked him to.

In a nutshell it's 'easy'.

We have been together for 47 years. I have never worried about infidelity on his part, although I am sure that he has been attracted to others in all that time - and I certainly have!

He is very ill now with a neuro-degenerative disorder that is slowly destroying him and has been for the last 10 years. There is no question that I am by his side and that he would be there for me if the situation had been the other way round. That is what is called loyalty and trust.

I too am deeply disturbed by the frequent threads on here about cheating and infidelity and my heart goes out to those involved.

We've been together for 22 years, married for 17. My dh has his faults, as do I, but he is still as kind, respectful and considerate as he was the day when I married him.

I was very jealous and insecure during the early days of relationship, with no good reason. Now I know him better, I trust him absolutely. Nobody can ever be 100% certain of their partner's faithfulness, I suppose, unless they're together 24/7. However, I'm as certain as I ever could be. It simply wouldn't be in his nature.

Me and Mr Tower are pretty happy. We've had 2 kids in 2 years, neither have been good sleepers so we're just coming to the end of 5 years of no sleep and baby/toddler madness. We're also very very skint with childcare costs what they are and my job being a very low paid one.
But we've been together nearly 15 years and we're very content. It's not the crazy, drunken, all consuming passion it was but he loves me and I love him and we trust each other. He just makes me smile - whenever I see him still. And he makes an awesome cup of tea.

@Moanyoldcow What a lovely post. DH and I are only on 4 years so I have nothing to contribute to this thread but I recognise my own marriage in your post and that's extremely reassuring! @user1494426473, this is a great thread, thank you.

My DH and I have been together since we were young teenagers. We got married in our twenties and have been married nearly twenty years.

He works away regularly, sometimes for a fortnight at a time depending on which country. It doesn't worry me at all.

A cheat will cheat wherever they are and it's always possible to find opportunities if you want to.

You have to build your relationship on trust.

I think the key to a good relationship is good communication. Keep talking, pay attention to each other and remember to have fun.

As others have said people post on MN for help with their DH's, PILs and DC. Happy people with good relationships don't post.

Blossom I'm so sorry about your DH, I can't imagine how hard that is.

You are a beautiful demonstration of the marriage vows.

I've been with my DP for 15 years. He is very kind, very caring and a very calm, reasonable, gentle sort of bloke, and I can absolutely trust him 100%. He's affectionate and funny and appreciative, and we are a great team.

He isn't an immensely sociable type and is quite shy, plus his hobby is fairly male-dominated - but he does get on well with women and is friendly with female colleagues, so he has opportunities to meet women. And he travels with work etc. He had a couple of platonic female friends when we first met although he's not in regular contact with them any more simply because we all now live at opposite corners of the country.

I have been cheated on before by an ex so I'm not naive in the slightest and I'm not saying I've never thought 'What if he did?' And I'm sure he sometimes finds other women attractive, just as I sometimes find other men attractive. But I absolutely know that he just wouldn't do that to me and he would be irreparably hurt if I cheated on him. His previous partner had an affair and he was completely devastated by it, more upset by the cheating than by the relationship ending if you see what I mean.

The thing to remember is that Mumsnet probably gives a skewed view of what relationships are like. After all, people usually post when they have a problem to be solved or want to let off steam, so we hear about the negative stuff ... the people whose relationships are generally harmonious and stable and free of major issues don't really have any reason to post about them (same with in-laws - we only hear about the MILs from hell because nobody needs to ask advice or rant about the many MILs out there who are absolutely lovely).

I have been with DH for 11 years, married for 7. He, like your DP, is a very friendly and outgoing person. He can chat to anyone which I love about him as it's never been hard to
introduce him to a new group. Our oldest DD has this trait as well and I'm always so proud of how easily she makes friends and has the confidence to speak to anyone. DH and I have had some rough times in the past but have always came through them. We love each other very much and have too much respect for each other and what we have to cheat. I would hope if he ever felt differently he would speak to me about it. I certainly would if I did.
I too am deeply saddened when I read threads about relationships breaking down, cheating, DV etc and always just hope that these people find their happiness at the end of it all.

7 years here, all good. Lovely thread

I've been with my DP for just over 10 years. He's the only man I've ever been with - never even had a casual boyfriend before I met him. He's my best friend, he's kind and caring, and I can't see myself with anyone else.
He doesn't mind the restrictions that I have. I'm autistic and I really struggle with travel. He never pushes that. We don't go on holiday but he doesn't hold that against me. He springs unexpected gifts when he happens to see something I'd like, and he's always generous despite having a lower income than me. I love to return the favour and treat him to nice things.
I hope to see out rest of my life with him by my side. I trust him completely, and I'm so happy to have found a fellow nerd who will play video games with me, doesn't mind having Star Wars take over the house...or the 3ft carved wooden iguana who lives in front of the tv...and generally makes my life a pleasure every day.

Thanks peach

I grew up with my mum in a really unhappy relationship. I only realised a few years ago that I was actually unhappy for a fair bit because of it.

I was determined to be happy - I'd sooner be single forever than like my mum was.

So glad you are happy in your relationship too. I have several married friends who are like us. It's not unusual but obviously people post here when they have problems so it seems sometimes that every fucker is cheating!

DH and I have been together nearly 10 years, married for 7 1/2. We've 2 kids, nearly 6 and 3 and just coming to the end of the "hard years".

Neither of us are perfect but we're perfect for each other. We still enjoy doing things together without the kids and that's the biggest thing I think.

I've had plenty of opportunities to cheat but the fact is I don't want to and never have. I'm sure he's had opportunity too but I'd like to think he hasn't either.

I still feel our marriage is young and raising kids and managing a family presents many different challenges every week but we're weathering it together and doing well I think!

Lovely stories thanks everyone, keep 'em coming!

I massively agree that MN gives a skewered view of relationships. A bit like reading reviews on trip advisor - people only tend to post when it's bad! I guess the problem is I also pay attention to trip advisor reviews

Whenever I have a little wobble and start dwelling on negative thoughts I remind myself (as others have said) that a cheat will cheat regardless and it can't be prevented, so I tell myself that the day I said my vows was the day I made the wholehearted decision to trust him until I have a reason not to, so I try to give myself a stern talking to. I do think he is a good sort, our wedding photos are all over his FB profile and phone, I know the password to his phone etc. Bottom line though I hope I never have to look. I never used to see myself as the occasionally insecure/jealous type but I think love can make us all a bit crazy sometimes. I don't think it helps that I'm going through a bit of a down period in my professional life at the moment whereas I used to be much more successful and financially independent so perhaps had better self esteem (and was just too busy to have time for negative thoughts!!)

Genuinely so refreshing to hear your stories. Common theme seems to be you can't trust your partner not to ever be attracted to other people but you need to be able to trust, as far as possible, that they have the integrity not to act on those feelings. I think that's actually a very helpful way to look at it. Knowing that your partner isn't the only person who finds you attractive is a bit of an ego boost, the important thing surely is just to be sensible enough not to lead anyone on or allow it to escalate to anything else.

Blossom I'm so sorry to hear about your situation and DH's health. I'm not sure if this was the intention but the first thing that crossed my mind when I read about your story was imagining that if my DH ever developed a serious illness and I was at risk of losing him how angry with myself and regretful I would be to think of any time wasted doubting him unfairly. You are both very fortunate to have each other.

Typo *skewed

I was married for 33 years - 20 of those he was in the military and often away- I trusted him implicitly and by his words and actions and letters that trust was reciprocated. I just know he was the right man for me - when I had cancer he nursed me - he was just so lovely- I know how lucky I was. He died at work a few years ago - no illness- he just collapsed and died- but I still know how lucky I was- amongst the lovely letters and cards I had were lots of comments about how much he loved me.