Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be scared about DP's hospital appointment tomorrow (long)

18 replies

Badbadbird · 11/08/2017 12:16

Last year my DP suffered a heart attack. He has been left with damage to his heart. Initial consultations with the cardiologist were grim, placing him in a heart failure category and talking about scary things like transplants. As time went on and we had more appointments, there were modest improvements and the general hope that his condition can be managed with medication. He has gone back to work and is mostly comfortable and happy but often anxious and depressed over the limitation this has placed on his life and the things he can no longer do. Nobody knows how his life will be affected long term and it is very much "wait and see."

DP went for a scan last week and I was sitting in the room watching it being done and looking at the screen. I am not a doctor of any kind, but after his heart attack I read and researched anything I could get my hands on about his condition. I knew the key things to look out for on the scan and could clearly see the numbers and stats. One vital number, an indicator for the heart's overall function, was much lower than it should have been.

After the scan my DP asked me if I thought it would be a good result, as he is very worried and desperate for an improvement. Not wanting to alarm him, I went on about how I was sure it would be and that he seemed so well that there was surely no way it could be bad news. He is aware of this number as well and is hoping for it to increase, he didn't see the actual number on the screen.

A few days after the scan he got a call from the hospital asking if they could move his consultation forward by a month. This obviously freaked him out but was assured it was for admin purposes and not to do with his results.

We're going to the consultation tomorrow and I feel like the result isn't going to be good or at least not like we'd hoped. But I've gone and filled his head with assurances that it will probably be ok. When they moved the appointment forward I said it will be for admin purposes like they said, they wouldn't be allowed to lie about that, but I don't know if I believe it myself. I feel like I have set him up for a fall and should have stayed neutral.

My only comfort is that I am not trained to read these results and that I hopefully have gotten it wrong. "A little knowledge is dangerous" is a phrase I have used throughout my life. But it still keeps me awake at night and I feel conflicted that I have told DP it will be ok when I have the expectation it won't be.

What should I do? He'll be talking about it a lot tonight and on the way to the appointment. Do I keep saying i'm sure it will be fine or should I try to change the subject? Should I manage his expectations?

Sorry that this is long and maybe a bit of a grim problem for this board, I guess I just feel like I need to get it out.

OP posts:
TweeBee · 11/08/2017 12:22

Gosh OP. I do feel for you.
Personally I'm not one to just say everything will be fine, in any case. So if it was me I would probably say hopefully it will be fine but if not it's good that the doctor will be able to treat and give you the appropriate advice. Sort of trying to focus on the positives. Sorry can't type much as just finishing break but wanted to say something. Hope it makes sense. Will think Of you tomorrow x

Changerofname987654321 · 11/08/2017 12:37

It is such a terrifying situation.

8 years ago my Mum was admitted to hospital with chest pain on Thursday night by Monday a consultant in CCU said her heart was functioning at 18% and to expect her to not be alive on Friday.

8 years later she is still here. Don't jump to assumptions without knowing the facts. Does your husband have a designated heart failure specialist nurse?

littlemisssweetness · 11/08/2017 14:03

Sometimes a clinic needs to be cancelled for whatever reason and Then the patients for that clinic need to be rescheduled when/where there's space- so it's entirely possible it is completely innocent x

Badbadbird · 11/08/2017 14:44

Thank for for your reassurance guys. No Change he does not, he did in our old location, but we have only just recently changed address so new to this hospital.

OP posts:
growinganotherhead · 11/08/2017 20:19

Sorry Badbadbird, I am just catching up on MN.

My DH had a heart attack when he was only 35, it was terrifying.

He was raced to hospital and rushed into ICU where he had another. He was quite poorly for a while after this and also became depressed at how his life appeared to change and for some time things were difficult.

The heart attack destroyed one of the chambers in his heart so it gradually enlarged to make up for this; unfortunately that brought its own set of problems with it.
One of the things which helped was, he decided to try to trace other family members as he was adopted as a baby. He found seven brothers and met four of them.

They all had the same mother but different fathers, except the first three (whom he never met) who shared a father.

The mother died in her fifties from a heart attack and three of the four brothers had heart issues.

DH has made a remarkable recovery, he set up his own business and works full time in a very physical job. He still has a carrier bag full of medication every month but is well.

However, as we know there is an hereditary link to his heart attack, we have been able to have our two sons checked and monitored and they, thankfully, are fine.

Anyway, what I came to say was there is every chance your husband will make a good recovery and wish you well for the future.

Badbadbird · 11/08/2017 22:09

growinganotherhead thank you, it is reassuring to hear this and your DH is well. My DP also gets a huge sack of pills from the pharmacist each month. My DP was 29 when he had his heart attack and I suppose it doesn't matter what age you are when it happens, the effects are the same. My DP has an enlarged left ventricle as is common in heart failure. It is good to hear that your DH has continued his business and I wish both of you all the best for the future. AFAIK there are no links in his family for this and it was just a fluke. He is normal weight no drugs and he never really did drink. It seems so unfair but really nobody deserves to have this happen to them.

I'm sorry but I have have a few glasses of wine even though the consultation is tomorrow. I will be alright but I need to take the edge off as I can't take the stress of this right now. DP is happy playing his games tonight.

I know whatever happens tomorrow we will get through it but i'm still so sad for our future. DP is 30 and I am 26. We had plans to get married next year and start a family but now all that has gone out the window. I have no idea what will happen except I love him & will support him no matter what.

OP posts:
littlemisssweetness · 12/08/2017 10:36

Good luck today Flowers

Isadora2007 · 12/08/2017 10:46

All the best for today. I know it's too late now, but you asked about whether you should reassure him. I think you should let him express his worries and concerns and not feel like you need to reassure him as you too are worried and concerned. Just ask him how it feels for him and express genuine care for him in how difficult carrying that worry must be for him etc. That way you don't end up raising hopes or feelin guilty.

growinganotherhead · 12/08/2017 11:28

I hope all went well today Badbadbird, and hope you both manage to see a brighter future.

LittleCandle · 12/08/2017 11:36

Saturday clinics are usually held to allow them to cut waiting lists. I had this with DF, so it doesn't necessarily mean bad news. I wish you both all the best for today.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 12/08/2017 12:05

Wishing you both all the best today. Take care Flowers

79Fleur · 12/08/2017 12:11

How scary, my partner was diagnosed with right side heart failure (pulmonary hypertension) in his early 40s and before diagnosis spent over a month in hospital, he was not expected to make it but a few years down the line he is on triple therapy and doing great. Don't get bogged down in the figures and definitely do not google! Look at how your partner is on his average days and base your health fears on that. Sending positive thoughts and I hope the appointment goes ok, remember to try and take care of your own mental health as well as your partners and seek counselling if needed. Good luck

mumof06darlings · 12/08/2017 17:53

Best of luck today - hope all went well for you 🌸💐

Badbadbird · 12/08/2017 23:15

Thank you all - your support has meant so much to me. We went to the appointment today and although I was right about the number, other aspects of his heart have shown significant improvement. We both left the hospital with smiles on our faces and are now looking forward to the future in a way we couldn't before. :) Being able to vent on here has helped calm me down greatly. We're enjoying a relaxed night today and feel relieved.

I hope those of you who have loved ones with similar problems see their conditions stay stable and spend many more years with them. x

OP posts:
RiversrunWoodville · 12/08/2017 23:23

Glad its been a positive day Bad

crazykitten20 · 12/08/2017 23:31

💜💜

Much love

maras2 · 13/08/2017 00:24

Very pleased for you and your husband.Wine Cake

mumof06darlings · 20/08/2017 15:04

Thrilled to hear this 👍😊

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread