Is our friendship over?

[FairyF1]

I have been besties with someone for twenty years- through marriages, divorce, births and deaths. She has been like a sister. The past few years have been very hard for me. My remaining parent is terminally ill and I have been looking after them whilst working long hours to pay the bills. My friend has landed a great new job (earning lots of money for the first time), got a lovely new man and lost lots of weight. I am so happy for her as she is wonderful and deserves to be so happy. Unfortunately our relationship has drifted. We live at opposite ends of the country so havent seen each other in a couple of years, she now never has time to talk and only texts a couple of times a month. It was my birthday earlier this year and for the first time in over twenty years she didn't send a gift or card, I was really hurt. I suggested that we meet up for the weekend, whilst she said yes she hasn't suggested any dates. I don't want to be a pain, or drag her down. Should I just leave it and accept the friendship is over? It's going to be so difficult as she's been such a good friend over the years and I really could do with the support now but you can't force these things?? Eek - what am I gong to do?

Over the 20 years, have you never had a period when you both loosened up on contact a bit?

I've a friend who I've been very close to for 35 years now and over that time, we've both had periods when we each were too busy or involved to dedicate much to the other.

But when we've reconnected we both knew that we had continued to love one another even when not in touch much.

Long term friendships have periods with less and with more contact, I find. I don´t think I have ever had a friendship that has lasted decades where contact has been equally intense the whole time. I think what you are describing is natural. Your friendship isn´t over, she´s just busy.

I find people fall off the radar for the first year or so of a new relationship.

Honeymoon period and all that.

She seems very busy with her new life and given you said she truly deserves it then it's best to just lie low for a while?!

A good friendship ought to survive the above.

The no card thing wasn't ideal though. See what happens next BD

I don't think there is any excuse for not sending you something for your birthday. However, I agree with others that long term friendships go through different layers depending on circumstances. There were times when my friend and I dipped between virtually living in each other's pockets to periods when we kept in touch a couple of times a month. I think its normal.

I too think it's the natural ebb & flow of a long friendship, the birthday thing was shit though & if it was me I'd have told her how hurt I was.

I wouldn't get in touch/call/send texts etc, including not sending her a birthday card, but wait for her to initiate the next contact. I would probably respond to any contact positively, and take it from there.