My mum is being really odd about DPs religious festival

[DragonsandDungeons]

DP is Indian and his family are Hindu. They are lovely people and are always welcoming to me, they include me in everything and are so kind.

Recently it was Raksha Bandhan. It's a festival where sisters and cousins tie bracelets (rukhi) on their brothers wrists for happiness. DP has a lovely collection of bracelets and DPs mum said next year when DS is older, his cousins can tie rukhi on his wrists.

My mum has took offence to this. "Why are you doing this?" "If we wanted to take him to church you'd moan" "are you converting then?" "Why is it you never followed my religion but someone else's is fine?"

When I asked why she's being arsey she told me she just wants to understand

I should add she's not religious in the slightest, only goes to church at Christmas and hasn't bought me up religiously.

I don't get why she's annoyed by it?

SkyWalker that's why it's such a good comparison. Tying the rakhi is more cultural IMO, like Easter eggs and Christmas trees - some Muslims and Sikhs also do it and view it as a multicultural festival, not just Hindus. In fact according to Wikipedia: "Raksha bandhan has also been adopted by the Christian community in India who view it as a festival of historical and social importance."

Summerswallow I did say to her "well you can have your opinion but I and DP want to do this so it's happening." She seemed a bit annoyed but has dropped it for now, luckily

HA bracelet with bells on

Yeah you can hear him coming into the room it's brill

Bet his sister had a snigger about it

Curly I was raised a Sikh and my family celebrated it. Between all my male cousins and my brother I made a fair bit of cash .

What a lovely festival! Does it get adapted if there are only DDs though.

Could your MIL tie rukhi on your DS too - get her right inside the tradition instead of looking on?

OVienna I don't see my family anymore so I tie one on my male best friend.

I only have DSes and I get them to tie one on each other.

It does sound as if your DM feels excluded and that she is missing out. And although as if she doesn't know what it's all about. The other suggestions as to what to compare it to that she can understand are really good. If there's any way you could include her or give her a role I some the festivals celebrate, or better still if she could be invited to some shared family occasions and festivals, that might help her feel more included in that very important part of DSs culture?

Sorry for all typos. New tablet with weird keyboard.

Out of interest, is there a reciprocal festival where the males give the females gifts?

When the girl gives her 'brother' the bracelet he gives her money, it's not one sided, well it is because the girls get the cash.

I am an Indian woman. Only child.

I have tied Raakhis (it's pronounced Raakhi) on male cousins and male friends and even today wish a random selection of "brotherly" friends and cousins :)

It's doubtless one of the many Indian festivals where women do stuff for men (Bhai dooj, Karla Chauth, shivratri) so yes has very clear patriarchal roots

In practice these are occasions for men to shower money gifts iPads iPhones and what not on the sister/wife as the case may be.

My memories of Bhaidooj in bengal was my aunt putting a sandalwood spot on my Dad's forehead and dad - her big brother - showering her with lots of money and blessings.

My aunt is in a hospice now with lymphoma. My dad sits by her bed now telling her stories of their childhood.

Now I will cry a little bit.

Oh Justnow, I'm so sorry to hear that. But how lovely that they are so close to each other, and clearly have a deep bond.

Thank you. I suppose what I was trying to say is it is hardly religious. I have Muslim Indian friends and we'd tie bracelets on anyone who fell into a male friend/mate/brother category.

I've just remembered my female friend in school tied a raakhi on our mutual male mate.

Said mate was seen sobbing that afternoon as he fancied her and unfortunately the raakhi was a very clear message that she felt a completely different way about him.

Ahh memories of my school days in India!

I feel a bit sorry for her! It sounds like she feels left out. Ask her if sh wants to join in? If she says no, then there's not really much you can do and at least you tried.

I wouldn't worry too much about the cultural/religious side of it, if you'd got a Christian DP it would be something about how the DP side of the family open Christmas presents in the morning when your family wait until after Christmas lunch or something equally ridiculous.

She is just being precious first grand baby. Something strange happens to them when you give birth.

My mum would have been straight on here if mumsnet was a thing when we were small complaining that MIL our granny was always telling complete strangers about her children.

I caught her in a shop with an actual photo album FFS showing complete strangers baby photos of my nieces.

Justnow

I love that you and DP are letting your DS enjoy the cultural traditions present in both halves of his heritage - how lovely. I hope your DM can see that side of things in time, and see how good it is for DC.

It's nothing to do with religion and everything to do with the 'threat' of an unfamiliar culture.

Could your DP's family invite your DM to meet them? She might find this would reassure her that they aren't 'strange people'.

The Easter egg analogy is good too.

Thanks everyone. I'm sure if it wasn't this it would be as someone said opening presents at the wrong time or something.

I'm an only child and have always been close to DM (although we do argue lol) so I think she's a bit threatened and also being precious over DS.

I was recently pregnant again (sadly I had a miscarriage) but the whole time she kept saying things like "I hope DS isn't pushed out" "I hope you don't forget about DS when the baby is born" so I think that's relevant too.

Hopefully she'll stop soon

Sorry to here that Just now

Dragon I think the Easter and Christmas analogy is a good one