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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to trust my dh when he says he pays the bloody rent?

53 replies

kittypants · 29/03/2007 11:50

Angry
OP posts:
HoppyDaddy · 29/03/2007 13:07

Now he's just being completely out of order.

If he can't be trusted to keep a roof over your head, how does he think you'll agree to what he wants to do?

lulumama · 29/03/2007 13:16

I am a SAHM too, BUT I insist on knowing our financial circs, and if DH endangered the roof over our heads, i would be spitting feathers

can you take the control , perhaps he has no head for figure, and feels out of his depth, offer to look after the finances..

are the landlady's details not on the letter?

Original poster
kittypants · 29/03/2007 13:17

no adress but no number.

OP posts:
bozza · 29/03/2007 13:19

Worse than a council flat - you could end up in B&B. Really thrash this out tonight. Get a system of joint control - insist on complete openness re bank a/cs, letters etc.

I would not be just livid TBH, I would feel hurt and betrayed. I feel for you, but you must, for the sake of your children, get some more control of the situation.

HoppyDaddy · 29/03/2007 13:19

no address? or an address. if there is an address, ring directory enquiries to get the number.

bozza · 29/03/2007 13:20

If you have her name and address you could try to get a landline number from directory enquiries or 192.com or something.

Original poster
kittypants · 29/03/2007 13:22

i know bozza,i will.im so fing peed off,both at how dumb hes been and the fact hes not mentioned it.i went away for weekend and spend loads.i wouldnt have if i knew.he had babysitter booked for saturday ive now unbooked.hes also booked trip end of april,think we'll lose money booking it.i will sit him down tonight.ive 3 children to look after-if he cant see that he can f off.why did i give up smoking?

OP posts:
fireflyfairy2 · 29/03/2007 13:26

How can he be sacked, you sid he was self employed.

He needs a wake up call in order to realise his responsibilities. No man I know would let their wife & kids face losing their home.

HoppyDaddy · 29/03/2007 13:30

You gave up smoking to save money, kitty!

meowmix · 29/03/2007 13:43

leave him a cardboard box outside the front door and double lock yourself in. If he wants to risk living like that let him experience it first hand.

I'd skin him alive and then tell his mum. (ultimate sanction chez meowmix atm)

Original poster
kittypants · 29/03/2007 14:04

fireflyfairy,he is self employed but the man whos house hes working on may get pissy at the work keep being interrupted my me shouting down phone.
now im realising even if i can pay bill off eventually what about each following month.

OP posts:
Original poster
kittypants · 29/03/2007 14:04

that and my health hoppydaddy but feeling v.stressed.i wont.

OP posts:
Original poster
kittypants · 01/04/2007 12:28

update incase interested.i finally managed to contact landlady who says dh has promised to pay whole amount in 10 days(now 8)and she was shocked i didnt know.when i confronted dh about where moneys suddenly appearing from he said he got bits here and there which i dont believe for 1 minute!but well see.ive said im paying rent from now on,he gives money to me and i do it.and if not i go as myself and children need security not threat of being chucked out.hes still denying hes done wrong and if anything is cross that im cross!he says he was protecting me!!!

OP posts:
HoppyDaddy · 01/04/2007 22:42

Good for you for insisting. Ignore his stupid pride and make sure you stick to making him give you the money, so you can pay it. Don't relent or he'll think he's off the hook.

Well done.

Original poster
kittypants · 01/04/2007 22:44

we'll see what happens when 10 days is up.

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Original poster
kittypants · 04/04/2007 11:16

well well-this morning dh handed over rent paying in book,council tax card,water book and said hed be handing over his wages!but could he take a bit for lunches-i was going to ask for receipt but thought id be pushing it thankyou all for offering support and letting me whinge!now ive got to get my head round finances!

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Original poster
kittypants · 06/05/2007 14:37

just a update.rent day is coming up.dh says he doesnt know if hes got it!no idea why because im paying everything else with tax credits and child benefits!!paid about£1200 of the £3000+ but £800 of that was me.well find out on tuesday if he has rent!if not dont know what to do as cant go on like this!

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Original poster
kittypants · 06/05/2007 14:38

oh and the promise of wages didnt happen but the handing over of bills did!

OP posts:
newlifenewname · 06/05/2007 14:42

Deceit is deceit is deceit whether by omission or otherwise...

lissielou · 06/05/2007 14:45

oh kitty, been there hun. how shit for you, wtf is he playing at?

Original poster
kittypants · 06/05/2007 14:46

lissielou,what did you do?did it get sorted or am i just married to a complete liar who will remain so!?

OP posts:
lissielou · 06/05/2007 14:50

unfortunately by the time i found out we were forced to leave, so ended up paying rent on new house and arrears on the old. but we have sorted ourselves out. however i now control the money. the bank account we pay the bills from is in my name and my money gets paid into there. i also use dhs grant to pay 3m rent in advance on the day he gets it.

newlifenewname · 06/05/2007 14:51

I reckon everyone deserves a 2nd chance but not a 3rd or 4th - see what happens after you've got all of this out in the open.

Clean slate and all that...

Original poster
kittypants · 06/05/2007 14:55

newlifenewname i will,i'll see what happens on rent day.but it just really makes me angry that he works full time,he makes the money-i pay the bills with what i should be using for children.
lissielou,sorry to be nosey but after that did you find trust hard?

OP posts:
lissielou · 06/05/2007 14:56

very, for a long time. i was 4m pg when i found out too. but were ok now!