AIBU and over thinking this friendship?

[Member652554]

Please be kind as I am only asking this as I am trying to do the right thing. I have met a man who is in a relationship. We have lots in common and he is good to talk to. He says most of his friends are female and his gf doesn't care . AIBU to still feel uncomfortable with this friendship? I'm at a stage in my life where I can't afford to involve myself with people who's intentions are not genuine. He is an interesting person and intellectually stimulating so I don't think want to ruin what could be a good solid friendship. Am I over thinking this? Or is he just twat after an ego and wnk off my attention behind the gf's back?

hiphopcat "You said in your first post that he gets on well with women and his girlfriend doesn't mind."

No, the op said " He says most of his friends are female and his gf doesn't care ."

The reason some people may think that there are alarm bells ringing is because the OP says "AIBU to still feel uncomfortable with this friendship?" and "I can't afford to involve myself with people who's intentions are not genuine." So she knows there is a chance to find that this is not a genuine platonic friendship.

I would not assume all men were interested in me, but I would listen to that inner voice if worried.

He may well not be doing anything wrong. But he may also not be telling the truth.

I think it really depends on the setting and circumstances. If it's a male you meet at an evening class for example, fine. Going out for drinks after without the GF, not fine.

But that's just my opinion. I wouldn't want to act in any way that was disrespectful to their relationship. I was the wife left at home while my gaslighting ex was socialising with all and sundry. I prefer to meet the partners and give them the choice I never had.

And only seems to call or text when the gf is not there?

This is the bit that sets me wondering. There's nothing necessarily odd about calling when she's not there - most people aren't on the phone to a friend when they're spending time with their partner - but if he's making a point of telling you in texts that she's not around, I would wonder why. I don't text my friends to tell them who isn't there.

I have 2 work colleagues (A+B) who both have mainly female friends. A's friends are a wide range of women (old, young, single. married etc) and although he is quite flirty, his wife often comes to work social events and he clearly adores her. B is friends with mainly women younger than him and who are not in long-term relationships. His wife works in a different town and no one I know has met her. He often says quite negative things about his wife and I know 2 of his female friends who have misread his signals and suggested the relationship becomes less platonic. They were both told that they had misunderstood him and he loves his wife and would never do anything to hurt her.
A: I'm happy to be friends with. B: I think has female friends for the ego boost (possibly sub-consciously) and has never tried to be friends with me, probably because I'm a good few years older than him

Only you can judge whether this man would make a good friend or not.