Marriage without the wedding.

[Jammingmarg]

So Im engaged and we want to be wed ASAP. I have a 6month old baby with another one the way. We really want to be married before next baby arrives but can't afford the big wedding or any wedding right now.
We're thinking of just going to registery and doing then legalities then in a few years when we'd have saved enough and the babies are older doing a renewal of vows and have a proper wedding day.

Aibu to get married without our family/friends?

The only thing unreasonable about your post is thinking a wedding is anything more than 2 consenting adults having a wedding ceremony with a officiant and maybe a witness.

The whole wedding industrial complex has made people think you are not married without a big white dress, carriage, champagne, 3 course meal, etc.

The only things needed for a wedding are a registrar, 2 adults and a witness. Don't get caught up that you need anything else.

Wishing you all the best for your marriage!

Yanbu.
We done the big white wedding, spend c£35k. If I knew then what I know now I never would have done it. Weddings are a show. A marriage is for life. Do what feels right, it sounds like your plan is perfect ❤️

YANBU. Especially with a young child and one on the way. If you have a celebration in a few years time, sounds ideal.

My next wedding will be exactly like this, go for it op.

We ran off to Vegas and got married in The Little Chapel of flowers, a simple and beautiful ceremony, no impersonators or anything 😁 then had a fab holiday. That was 11 years ago. We want a marriage not a wedding.

YANBU. We got married with our toddler there plus two witnesses who we did know. We went for lunch afterwards and then home. It was a nice day.

Went down like a shit sandwich with a few family members but most people reacted quite well when we told them we had married quietly and without a "wedding" or guests.

We just couldn't face the prospect of a family wedding, our families are rather difficult. Also didn't want the cost, the attention or the stress of planning it.

That was 3 years ago. I would do it again but I wouldn't tell anyone next time.

I think it is lovely that you are getting married.
Do it quietly. Plan to do a big 'wedding day' in a few years time.
You do not need to tell the families, although if they ask you probably shouldn't lie.

That sounds lovely. Congratulations on your pregnancy too!

Have a look on your local registry office website. It'll be the council site and you'll be able to see the various registry offices in your area.

While you can have the simplest ceremony in their office for about £50 that'll only let you have 4 adults, you two plus your witnesses so make sure one of them is happy to hold your baby for any bits where you can't. And you also have to pay to register 40 odd days beforehand. That costs £70 and you need passports or other ID. The amount of time you have to register beforehand is longer than it used to be so you can't any longer decide to get married and do it on the spot. I'd arrange the registering part soon, takes about an hour and lasts for a year. Then you can find a pretty dress (Debenhams have some amazing stuff, my wedding dress last year was £40 and gorgeous) and plan a lunch or drinks after. If you want rings online is usually way cheaper than the high street if you know your sizes. Otherwise if you buy the rings a jewellery shop has on display they're much cheaper than ordering others in.

If you want to hold something, you can get a tiny floral bouquet for a few quid in florist!

I agree that if you tell your parents/inlaws do it just beforehand so no one can rain on your parade or throw their weight around. People may well have opinions about it but you're the ones with exactly the right idea. Marriage is what matters. The rest is fluff!

I wouldn't have a pretend wedding or vow renewal later on, your vows are the ones you make on the day. Why not have a massive anniversary party when the time feels right and budget allows. Celebrate the marriage you'll already be enjoying!

Hope you have a splendid day and a long happy marriage.

We weren't planning on doin the dress, flowers, meal/drinks or even our vows until out 'wedding day'.
I know there is certain bits you need to say to make the declaration of marriage but the personal stuff we were goin to do.

We do like the idea of a 'proper' wedding altho nothing massively fancy but can't afford it before next baby comes and we want to be wed by then.