To think restraining orders shouldn't be so difficult to get?

[HelpPlease1990]

I'm in court tomorrow attempting to get a without notice non molestation order on my ex, after months and months of abusive harassment since our split, and threatening to strangle me in front of our daughter at the weekend. The solicitor sounded like this probably wouldn't get enough to get one, as I hadn't actually been hit yet.

For background, he is extremely mentally unwell and suffering from delusions in which I've done the most horrible things to him (I haven't). He also abuses drugs and is currently on bail for apparently leaving somebody disabled with a weapon. Before I get flamed, these mental health issues didn't show themselves until we had been together for years, and they sparked off the drugs/ crime.

But now he is an extremely violent man, and when if he does hit me, it isn't just going to be a slap. I'm genuinely scared for my life. I'm scared now. I'm not sleeping. I don't want DD sleeping in her own room.

I'm just googling about tomorrow, and I see that even if I get granted one, we'll both have to have another court date in a few weeks with evidence and witnesses and stuff. I have plenty of evidence of abusive texts, and I'm sure my family would give evidence. But he has plenty of people willing to lie for him in exchange for drugs no doubt. I feel so much bloody anxiety.

So my AIBU is this. Why is it so hard to get a non molestation order against somebody? Surely women should get the benefit of the doubt, and if they want somebody to stop harassing them, it should just be easily granted? Instead of them having to risk their lives before they get some protection? It's honestly making me tempted to run away to a refuge, leaving my family and my uni course and my job.

I feel you. I've been there. Unfortunately, his defence/why it's so hard to obtain is human rights of the person ie your need must outweigh his to freely roam

Sounds like my ex. I posted about him the other day. But he was exactly the same, would accused me of things I hadn't done due to his mental health. Say I was sent into his life, that I wasn't a real person, I was an actress and that my family aren't my real family. He was horrible. I haven't tried to get a restraining order but I didn't think they were difficult to get so that doesn't sound good yanbu at all.

It's rubbish 🙁🙁🙁 he can roam where he wants off the edge of the fucking earth preferably. I just don't want him to send me abuse constantly all day, and not shout outside my house trying to get me to lose my tenancy, and get loads of druggies to contact me, and not scare me and my baby. What sort of judge would think the benefits of not granting one outweigh us being safe

In my limited experience ( a friend who went through this), copies of abusive text messages, logging appearances at house, kicking off at nursery, voice mail etc. was enough to secure 10 year restraining order.

In the past I got a 6 months restraining order that was in effect as soon as it got served of my EXP without him knowing but there was a court date in the order that would be his chance to appeal it. He did appeal and the judge decided to extend it

Surely women should get the benefit of the doubt

This is the problem right here. Why should women get the benefit of the doubt? Why should anyone get the benefit of the doubt?

I honestly feel for your situation. But of course restraining orders should be hard to get. They are for extreme circumstances.

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. Injunctions need to be hard to get as if they are granted and a breach is alleged the respondent could be sent to prison. Have you been down the criminal route without success? If he was arrested and bailed you would be protected by the bail conditions. That's the first port of call. I assume you've tried that. There has to be a return hearing as everyone has a right to answer allegations against them however you'll have the injunction in place up until the return hearing so are protected from any reaction that service of the injunction might provoke. Often at the return hearing evidence isn't given as it doesn't get to that. If it does your solicitor is with you and will support you.

The reality is that if someone is unstable then an injunction may not be a sufficient deterrent as they dont have the full mental capacity to take it on board.

Have a look on womensaid, refuge and nationaldonesticviolenceline for more support. There's also forums on some so you can talk to women who had endured similar.

I just think giving women the protection not to be harassed massively outweighs any negative in not being allowed to come down a random road, or not being allowed to text someone abuse.

I still don't get it. Anyway, I got the order today. The solicitor said it was unlikely without me actually getting beaten up but the judge was very lovely and said there was no way she wouldn't be granting it. So that's good. Now to prepare for the hearing in a week 😑