To expect Pre-School staff to spend a minute one to one to encourage ds' participation

[handlemecarefully]

Ds (3 in 2 weeks) had his end of term performance today - an Easter Bonnet parade around the adjacent chapel (our Pre School is in an adjoining School Room next to the chapel), a few Easter themed songs and a small input from the Minister.

It wasn't his Pre-School session today so rather than be dropped off at 09.00, he had to be dropped off at 09.45 and straight into the performance a few minutes later.

He didn't like the fact that I had to drop him in the School Room and then go and take a seat in the adjoining chapel. He wanted to follow me - which would by default mean none- participation in the performance.

I walked back through to the school room with him and handed him (he was still protesting) to a member of staff. They know the score - even on an ordinary day he puts up a one or two minute token protest when I go, and then settles down to enjoy the session.

So I was disappointed when around 40 seconds later they walked back through to the audience with him and deposited him on me

"He wants to stay with you"

So I went home - no point in me hanging about like this again to watch the other children perform.

I was disappointed because actually all he needed was a bit of attention from the staff for a very short time and a bit of coaxing and he would have been happy to stay back stage without me. I also know he would have enjoyed participating. I certainly had been looking forward to it... ( I know he would have enjoyed joining in because when Pre School shows have coincided with one of his normal rostered session at Pre School i.e. he has been there form 09.00 and the show just takes place later - he has had a lot of fun doing it)

The very same thing happened at the end of half term a few weeks back.

Am annoyed. Can't work out whether I have grounds to be or not. My friends who I have rung to bend their ears on it agree with me - but they would because they are my friends (lol)!

Pre-School did have extra staff on.

So how would you feel about it? Mildly aggrieved that they didn't spend a moment or two to relax him? (believe me, it would not have taken long)...or philosophical about it?

I suppose I am saying that I don't feel it was particularly child centered. I would understand if he was having histrionics and would have taken an age to talk around, but he typically only makes a fuss for a very short while and soon comes around....

Ok I realise it was a long and not entirely rivetting OP but someone give me some feedback please?

Having said that I'm just going out into the garden for an hour with ds so if anyone does reply I won't be around to comment for a little while

Oh hmc I would have been sad not to see him in the performance. Can you have a chat and say you were disappointed and can they help for next time?

Yes, I've been thinking I will talk to them calmly about it in advance next time...(sorry, ds nagging me to go outside)

i would be annoyed. they took the easy option.

Yes, but looking at it from their point of view, it wasn't his session and they were probably up to their ears in excited/agitated/unsettled children because of the performance. Extra staff or not I assume they had the entire cohort of children in when usually they'd have far less? I think I'd feel both mildly aggrieved and philosophical

I'd talk to them now about how it will be handled next time. No-one got anything out of this, so it was a wasted opportunity. Poor you - how disappointing

I'd be disappointed. DS2 wouldn't participate in xmas show when he was just 3 - wouldn't dress up. But they hung onto him and he appeared on stage sitting on one of the helper's laps for the whole performance.

Back in from Siberian temperatures in the garden...

That's it Mintchocchippy - that option was completely available to them if it had come to that (sitting on knee option)!

Pah!

Ok, I resolve next time to anticipate this problem and arrange something with them prior to the show. Won't be caught out again!

Could you swap his days next time, so he's there for the whole session?
FWIW the following xmas, DS2 was there in the middle of the front row in full father xmas costume singing his little heart out

I'd be disappointed, dd pre-school were very good about this sort of thing and always seemed to use extra helpers that the children knew on performance days. Mildly aggrieved at first, philosphical after I'd got it properly off my chest.

You'd think I'd be over it by this morning but I am not taking ds to Pre-School for his session today (last one prior to Easter) because I can't promise not to be snippy! [petty emoticon]

how many staff getting how many children ready and in line and quietened down?

I think its unfortunate but honestly your DS wouldn't notice any difference

I think its unfortunate he needs longer to settle than they felt they had time for

and I'm sure they did what they could within their time / work constraints

I'd be philosophical personally .. but then I have the emotional detachment of it not being my child

If your ds wasn't upset over missing being in the performance then there's no point you being upset. I can't understand why you went home. Staying and watching the performance with him would have showed him it was all okay and nothing to be worried about. If he wanted to sit with you, then why not watch it together? Other people's children can be quite entertaining, too, you know
If he normally likes preschool then I'd take him today. Will they be doing any fun end of term stuff that he might miss out on?

hatrick and juule - it wasn't actually the performance that ds needed to be encouraged to join in, and so staying to watch would have been of little benefit to him. I do quite like children generally but that said, despite this I have no interest in watching something that ds should have been in and isn't (because the Pre-School teachers couldn't be bothered to make a small effort with him)- that's kind of like rubbing salt in the wound!

His reaction was about the initial separation from me - because it wasn't his rostered session day I was told to bring him at 09.45; and he didn't like me arriving with him and then promptly leaving him in the School Room to take a seat next door.

There were probably 18 children there, 15 of whom were 'Thursday' children anyway and so had been there from 09.00..accordingly they were calm as could be and required no special attention from the Pre School teachers. (Ds would have been the same if he had been there since 09.00 and the 'show' was merely part of the Pre School session for him)...

I still think it's a real shame that they didn't just give him a quick cuddle and reassurance (to get over the separation thing) - since they know him well enough, and he pretty much needs that every time I drop him at Pre-School.

Anyway next time I will broach the subject prior to the performance and ask them what their approach will be. If they can't spend a minute settling him then we won't go.