AIBU to be upset by this comment?

[StylishDuck]

I possibly am BU, happy to hear if I am.

I don't want to out myself so I'll need to be fairly vague.

My line manager at work has just recently been promoted to that position on her return from maternity leave. She and I have been at the company for roughly the same amount of time, similarly qualified. I didn't grudge her the promotion at all, I'm hoping I'll be able to progress at some point in the future myself though. (I say this because I don't want anyone to think I'm bitter about her being promoted instead of me.)

I'm 19 weeks pregnant and due to this I am unable to carry out my usual job due to the nature of it. I've been assigned to desk duty until I finish up at the end of the year. It's not great but this isn't my first child so I've been here before and I accept this is the way it has to be.

So here's my AIBU. I've recently been left out of a couple of meetings that I would have been involved in if I'd been doing my "usual" job. I feel I should still have a chance to give my insight on the matters discussed, despite the fact I can't do the actual work myself I'm still one of the more senior members of staff and feel my input could be valuable. When I raised this with my LM she apologised but then said "sometimes I forget you're still here".

AIBU to be a little upset by this? I might be being a bit over sensitive, it was likely a throwaway comment but given that's she's not long back from mat leave herself I feel like she should know better than anyone how isolating it can be not being a "proper part of the team".

Sorry this was a bit epic!

I don't fault you for being upset by that comment. It was very rude and thoughtless. So what is she saying, that you're so unnecessary that you're basically invisible?? Which you aren't, of course. Very rude comment.

What a cow!!!

I'm currently pregnant and from week 12 I had to be taken off my typical duties and some staff within Management were absolutely vile to me over it and enjoyed making me feel like I was no longer part of the team anymore and making little 'comments' to imply I was now surplus to requirements. It certainly opened my eyes. Thankfully I got signed off sick when I was about 25 weeks pregnant but for the few months I was on my restricted duties I was pretty much miserable because of the way I was treated by some.

YANBU at all.

Congratulations on your pregnancy

Rude and unprofessional behaviour. If it continues, take your grievance to her line manager - on principle.

Depends on your relationship dynamic.

'baby brain' for want of better phrase does exist

www.nhs.uk/news/2010/10October/Pages/giving-birth-changes-mums-brains.aspx

I wouldn't be taking it personally, 25 years down the line I've still got baby brain!

The thing is, her LM was actually there when she said it! I get the impression she was a little taken aback by the comment too so I'm not sure if anything has been said since. I didn't really react to it too much at the time. Just replied with a kind of sarcastic "thank you very much" and I did consider bringing it up with LM's LM but the opportunity didn't really present itself and it felt a bit trivial.

I'm glad you all don't think I'm BU though. I hate to blame pregnancy hormones for everything because I feel it's too easy to dismiss proper feelings that way IYSWIM. But I have been crying at random adverts recently so the hormones are definitely raging!

I think you're being subtly pushed out. Keep a diary of every dealing with her and definitely raise a grievience with her manager.

She apologised, I don't think she meant to upset you. It's the sort of jokey comment we might make at work all the time. Obviously I don't know your work, but it's pretty normal only to invite people to meetings who are actually doing the job at the time, not people that are currently working elsewhere.

It's meetings directly related to projects that I have worked on in the past. One of which I have been the main person working on it for years and the person working on it now is new to it. Do you not think my input might be valuable in that?

And yes, she apologised, but for leaving me out the meetings, not for her comment.

You need to have it out with her in private. Actually accuse her of discrimination & make it clear how unfair that is when the organisation was so supportive to her (giving a woman a promotion straight after mat leave is almost unheard of). Then make it clear you won't accept her behaviour.

I'm on AL for the next week so I think I'll sleep on it and see what happens when I go back. I kind of feel like I'm getting in the way almost! Although I'm not exactly sitting twiddling my thumbs, I am doing a lot of the shitty jobs that most of the time no-one has time to do. I've helped out in a few other departments to cover holidays and they've been on the whole very grateful for the help. My LM's LM is lovely and very approachable so I might try to get some one on one time with her (easier said than done, she's very busy!).

I can't imagine anyone being able to say that comment unless they were deliberately being vindictive.