aibu to leave beacuse I am bored

[everydarknight20]

Posting here for traffic
Hi changed username for this post. married 3 years been together longer always been a rocky relationship had more downs than ups. I think I've had enough but got children. I've had depression on and off for years thought I had it under control but after loosing someone suddenly it reared its ugly head again, I now have it under control and feel alot more positive. However, after a lot of soul searching I have come to the conclusion my marriage is crap. I have 4 great kids, I am excelling as a mature student and have a nice home (in my name) my husband on the other hand bores the life out me. He was unsupportive during my period of depression, blamed me, couldn;'t understand why I was feeling this way and never tried to understand. I found out recently that he had a period at the beginning of the year of gambling and got into debt. I confronted him about this while I was busting my ar*e at uni he was gambling away family money. He blamed me and my depression. He has since got a new job better pay but much longer hours (the extra money he is using to pay off his gambling debts). In the past few weeks, since the kids have been off school, he has started working away out of choice not far from home but says it will be better for us having the time apart. It may be better for him he gets space, time to chill etc I get 4 kids on school holidays and no time to myself. He's due home this weekend and I can honestly say I have not missed him. I feel like I am stuck I have no money and it would break the kids hearts. Help !

You can't stay married to someone in that situation. it may break your kids hearts in the short tem, but long term they will be much better off with parents who are happy apart rather than miserable together.

Coping with depression is difficult but so is coping with being married to someone with depression. You cannot expect him to be amazing, and you have to recognise the stress it places on him when you are depressed. He didn't leave you though, which many people would have done.

i think children deserve a bit more effort, and at the very least suggest you try to get help resolving your differences and your communication problems. From a purely financial perspective divorce is a catastrophe and so it is worth investing in some help, and you owe it to your kids.

Long term relationships are very difficult and people who are successful at them are not successful by accident.

Like everything else in life, it is because they try really hard to be successful.

thankyou for your replies, I feel like we have been trying for a while now I arrange date nights and he either lets me down for work or we go out and hardly speak and when he does its about work it really bores the life out of me. He has told me that if we didn't have the kids he wouldn't be here and I agree, neither would I. In the last 8 months he has told me about other women he likes, gambled away thousands and stopped engaging in family activities, I feel at a loss as what to do.

Maybe give it one last attempt. Cards on table counselling ect to try and rekindle something. But if your happier alone that'd going to be better for nippers than two parents that make each other miserable

Why are you staying? ?

Yes the kids will be upset...but they will get ises to it- better to have two happier parents living apart tjan two that don't like each other much.

Importantly what message are you giving your kids about relationships?

I am staying because I'm scared and because I do love him I'm just not in love with him iykwim