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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to go for this job

21 replies

worktodo112 · 10/08/2017 14:26

NC for this post so going to avoid any details that might give ID away.

Basically I hate my job for a number of reasons- incredibly bad management and workplace bullying (I'm not on the receiving end but have been put in very difficult positions at times) being the main ones. I have been off for summer and am due to start back next week and I'm dreading it. Before going off on holiday I would cry on my way to and from work for months. I managed to stop that before summer but the thought of going back has been giving me anxiety and I basically constantly feel like I have a stone on my chest that's stopping me from breathing. In most ways DH is being incredibly supportive but he has lost his patience a few times with me as he says that this isn't me (it's not like me) and that I'm not being the strong person he knows I am. Before the holidays I would basically just come home and cry and look for other jobs online all night and not sleep properly which would keep him up to. Now that I'm due to start back I'm back to doing that again. I know I need out and he is completely supportive of this although I earn good money and am the main earner and it would probably mean taking a significant pay cut.

A job has come up which job wise would be perfect for me. I called them up and they basically said that they would extend the application deadline for me (it's today and I only saw the job last night) and that if I got it in this weekend they would love me to come in for an interview. They also said that I had more experience than anyone else who has applied so far (they told me this when I had asked if my experience would be enough for the post) so I think I could stand a decent chance if I went for it.

Here's the problem- the job would mean a £16000 pay cut and it is 2+hour drive away so I would probably need to commute and stay there during the week and come home at the weekends but the pay cut would make this difficult to do financially (also possible but it would be a stretch). I'm also nervous that if I did go for interview and not get it, then it would really not go down well at my current job and they would make things really difficult for me there until I'm able to find another job.

I'm really torn over whether or not to go for this job and using it to get the experience to get a similar job nearer by when it comes up (there are not many of these kinds of jobs around) or just suck it up and stick in where I am until something else nearer by comes up. Would it be really stupid to go for this job? DH is completely supportive of me going for it if it's what I want to do. I just feel like I desperately need out from where I am but but at the same time I don't want to make a bad decision as a knee-jerk reaction to the current situation.
WWYD?

OP posts:

WhichJob · 10/08/2017 14:27

I wouldn't do it, although I completely know how you feel.

Trampoline11 · 10/08/2017 14:35

I would use the time you have before going back to old job to find something you want to do. On the other hand - I always feel that I'd rather regret doing something than doing nothing

Trampoline11 · 10/08/2017 14:36

Ps - references will only be taken up if the position is offered to you?

ButchyRestingFace · 10/08/2017 14:37

I wouldn't go for this job personally. Too many negatives.

Your DH doesn't sound terribly supportive either.

Original poster

worktodo112 · 10/08/2017 14:40

Trampoline11
I know but I would need to get the time off to go to the interview so I would need to tell them then.

OP posts:

Tazerface · 10/08/2017 14:43

I would be able to balance a £16k pay cut if the commute was a five minute walk. Not at two hours.

If you can comfortably afford what will probably work out at a £18-20k pay cut when you factor in the rise in fuel costs, then I would decline to apply as the salary is too low and look for something else.

Rioja123 · 10/08/2017 14:44

Isn't there anything else to apply for that is nearer to where you are?

Trampoline11 · 10/08/2017 14:47

Why? Can't you have an 'appointment' somewhere? I was in this position once - hated my job, crying all the time, bully for a boss. I ended up having what I suppose was a nervous breakdown. I could never imagine not having my £18,000 a year salary. I went on the sick for a month or so, went back to be told that I was being made redundant (yipee!),got another job. You need to really think about whether you can cope with another winter of being so unhappy. No job is worth your health - mental or physical. I think DH does sound supportive. Can you talk to him and see if he can come up with anything?

Trampoline11 · 10/08/2017 14:49

How can you make a bad decision? Surely nothing is worse than what you're going through now? (I think this thread has struck a chord with me!)

Original poster

worktodo112 · 10/08/2017 14:51

Rioja, there is an organisation nearby that does but they are not currently recruiting and I don't have the experience they look for. To be honest they would be my dream place to work and I have been following them for years. The thing is the job that is currently advertised would give me the experience that I am currently missing that the other organisation looks for.
My husband has just suggested to me that I contact the nearer place and try speaking to them the same way I did the one that is 2 hours away as I didn't think I would have had the experience to get the job until I spoke to them so he thinks it would be worth finding out if it could be the same with the nearer place. I might try doing that.

I think you could be right, Taz, if it was nearer by I would happily take the pay cut but the fuel costs will make it even more of a pay cut which I hadn't really considered.

OP posts:

Original poster

worktodo112 · 10/08/2017 14:54

Thanks Trampoline, I know you're right. My mum was in a similar position and I was begging her just to leave because of what it was doing to her. I know I would advise someone else to do the same thing so I should really take my own advice.

I'm going to try giving the nearer organisation a call, even if they don't have a position right now they might be able to tell me what I should be doing to get the experience they are looking for for any future roles that come up.

OP posts:

bakeitup · 10/08/2017 15:13

Worktodo, would they allow you to work from home in this new job at all?

It doesn't sound ideal at all from what you are saying but neither does your current situation!! If there's no option of home working in new one then I would probably go to the Dr and explain how you are feeling and see if you can get some sick leave and find something else to do. I also had a job like that once and it made my life hell so I feel for you, it was once in my life, i ended up off work with a bad back (for 2 days) went to docs for painkillers and he asked how work like was etc, i basically broke down and he signed me off sick for a week. I would NEVER have done it myself but i just hated my job (bullying boss) and was depressed and the Dr picked up on it. I was only 25.

Anyway i found something else, have never looked back, never been in that situation again thankfully, it is very common and you need to look after yourself and find something new :-)

Bemusedandpuzzled · 10/08/2017 15:13

I think when a job is affecting you that much, any change is worth trying.

Even if this job isn't perfect, you can do it for 12-18 months and then move on to something closer and better. If you can comfortably afford the salary cut without plunging your family into poverty, go for it! If it would be really tight, maybe think again.

Is there any public transport, especially train, you could take rather than driving? You can count time worked on trains towards your daily hours in many jobs. Not sure you could count the whole lot, but it might make it more doable.

Macaroni46 · 10/08/2017 15:31

Go for the interview to see if you like the organisation and if it feels right and they offer you the job, mention the pay drop. You never know, they may up the salary slightly in order to take you on. Always worth asking!
Don't be miserable in a job. If this 2 hour away job doesn't work out (that is a hell of a commute) then keep looking.
I was in a similar position a few years ago (DH was extremely unsupportive but that's another thread!) and am so glad I left in the end. Took me a while to find another suitable job to move to, about 12 months but that includes a three month notice period and I initially took a pay decrease (tho not to the tune of 16k!) It has been worth every penny tho.
Good luck with it all and keep strong

Alittlepotofrosie · 10/08/2017 15:56

Great idea op good luck. Even if they haven't got anything now they might remember you.

Trampoline11 · 10/08/2017 16:21

You could offer to work for them voluntarily for a certain period? Just a thought

rainbowbreeze123 · 10/08/2017 16:37

Lifes too short to be in a job thats miserable, it sounds like the current one makes you ill. Good luck with the phonecall to the company thats closer, you never know !

redexpat · 10/08/2017 16:56

FFS apply and cross all the other bridges if and when you come to them. If they offer you the job then youre in a stronger position to negotiate compressed hours, wfh and better salary. But you wint get to do that if you never apply.

Papafran · 10/08/2017 17:01

It depends. If my current salary was 70k, I could handle a 16k pay cut. If it was 40k, I couldn't.

But nothing is worth a job that makes you cry every day. I have been there. It got so bad that I contemplated suicide until I realised I was not thinking rationally and that being on benefits would be better than working there and I would rather be poor than unhappy. Once I realised this, I was able to stay (because I knew it wasn't forever and that quitting was always an option) until I found another job which paid better. It was the feeling that I had no choice that made it so hard to begin with.

Original poster

worktodo112 · 10/08/2017 17:33

Thanks for all the responses and support.

I'm going to apply. I tried contacting that other organisation but the HR person isn't available until next week. From what I can see I don't think I would get a job there with my current experience however the 2hour away job would give me the experience that I'm missing.
I also spotted something that I had missed in the 2hour away job description and it offers the opportunity to gain a certain qualification on the job, one that's really important to the job. I already have this qualification so I was thinking I could ask if this would mean that I could come in at a slightly higher salary if I was to get it since they wouldn't need to pay to put me through the training (a minimum of 1 year course).

It's not a job I could work from home with since it involves working directly with people. I'm going to put in my application and then just see what happens from there. I think it will help me mentally to even just know that I'm actually making moves and doing something rather than just feeling like I'm trapped in something I don't want to be doing without actually doing anything about it.

OP posts:

Peregrina · 10/08/2017 18:00

Definitely stress that you already have the qualification - it saves them money, and possibly time too, if working for it would mean that you are out of the office when studying.

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